This book was prepared as a practical home resource for parents and families of young
children. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form
or by any means without prior written permission of the authors, except for brief quotations
in reviews or professional discussion.
Authors: Madan Bellam and Anjali Jetti
Edition: First Edition (1)
ISBN: 979-8-234-22253-4
This resource is educational in nature. It is not a diagnostic or medical tool,
and it does not replace assessment by a qualified professional.
A simple social‑emotional observation and
skill‑building process for parents and families.
SHINE 30 is a parent‑friendly tool for children. It focuses on
30 common social‑emotional and behavior concerns that can interfere with safety,
relationships, routines, learning, or a child’s comfort at home.
The purpose is not to
label a child. The purpose is to identify a skill that needs support and help the child practice
that skill in small, achievable steps.
The SHINE 30 Cycle
1
Screen
Complete the 30-item Child Assessment Form using observations from normal daily routines.
2
Select
Choose one priority behavior. Start with safety, major participation barriers, or the behavior causing the greatest difficulty.
3
Define a small goal
Describe exactly what the child will do instead. Make the first goal just beyond what the child can already do independently.
4
Practice
Use short one-on-one or small-group activities while the child is calm. Practice the replacement skill before the difficult moment occurs.
5
Track
Record whether the activity was practiced and give the behavior a 0–3 rating for each day.
6
Review and fade support
When the child is succeeding consistently, reduce prompts and adult help. Then choose the next priority behavior.
Every concern in this book is rated on the same
four‑point scale. Lower is better.
Rating
Meaning
Parent interpretation
0
Not a Concern
The behavior is not occurring, is rare, or is within what the parent considers developmentally manageable.
1
Mild / Watch
The behavior happens occasionally and can usually be handled with normal parent guidance.
2
Needs Support
The behavior occurs often enough to interfere with routines, participation, learning, or peer relationships.
3
Priority Concern
The behavior is frequent, intense, unsafe, or significantly interferes with the child or the group.
Important
Ratings describe the behavior — not the child. A score of 3 means the behavior needs
priority attention; it does not mean the child is a “3.” SHINE 30 is not a
diagnostic test.
When to act immediately
Do not wait for a monthly score to address serious self‑injury, dangerous running,
severe aggression, suspected abuse or neglect, or another immediate safety concern.
Follow program safety and reporting procedures right away.
The SHINE 30 ZPD approach — focused progress through
small steps, adult support, practice, and gradual independence.
SHINE 30 uses the Zone of Proximal Development as a practical teaching idea: work
on the next skill the child cannot yet do consistently alone, but can do with the right amount of
parent help. The parent provides support, the child practices, and the support is gradually
reduced as the child becomes successful.
The central rule
Do not try to fix five behaviors at the same time.
Select one priority behavior, identify the replacement skill, practice it repeatedly, and make the
next step small enough for the child to succeed.
1
Pick one priority behavior
Start with a behavior rated 3. If several are rated 3, prioritize immediate safety first; otherwise choose the one that most limits the child’s participation, relationships, or daily routines.
2
Describe the behavior objectively
Write what the child actually does: “pushes peers during toy conflicts,” not “is aggressive”; “cries and drops to floor at cleanup,” not “does not listen.”
3
Choose the replacement skill
Ask: What should the child do instead? Examples: say “stop,” wait 10 seconds, walk with the parent to the bathroom, put away three toys, or stay on the group rug for two minutes.
4
Find the child’s current level
Choose a starting step the child can almost do. If five minutes of waiting causes distress, do not start at five minutes. Start at five seconds or another achievable level.
5
Provide the scaffold
Use only the help the child needs: model, visual, gesture, short verbal cue, choice, first- then statement, peer model, or brief physical proximity. Avoid adding more words when the child is already overwhelmed.
6
Practice while calm
Use the activity bank for 3–10 minutes one-on-one or with a small group. Rehearsal during calm moments gives the child a skill to use during real situations.
Prompt the practiced skill just before the usual trigger. Reinforce the child for using even part of the new skill.
8
Track one daily rating
At the end of the day, rate the selected behavior 0–3. Also mark whether the practice activity was completed.
9
Make only one small increase
When the child succeeds, make the next step slightly harder: wait 5 seconds becomes 10; clean up 3 toys becomes 5; join group for 2 minutes becomes 3.
10
Fade support and move on
Reduce prompts as the child becomes independent. Then move to the next SHINE 30 priority while continuing light maintenance of the learned skill. A practical “ready to move on” rule A behavior does not have to disappear completely. For SHINE 30, consider moving to the next priority when the selected behavior is mostly rated 0 or 1, no longer creates a meaningful safety or participation problem, and the child can use the replacement skill with normal home support. A useful working checkpoint is 8 of the most recent 10 days rated 0 or 1. Keep safety separate from the one-behavior focus
A practical “ready to move on” rule
A behavior does not have to disappear completely. Consider moving to the next priority when the
selected behavior is mostly rated 0 or 1, no longer creates a meaningful safety or participation
problem, and the child can use the replacement skill with normal home support. A useful
working checkpoint is 8 of the most recent 10 days rated 0 or 1.
Keep safety separate from the one‑behavior focus
If another behavior becomes dangerous, address safety immediately even while the month’s
teaching focus remains on one selected skill. “One at a time” means one primary
learning target — not ignoring urgent needs.
Has difficulty sharing household materials or taking turns.
18
Personal Space / “Stop” Difficulty
Gets too close, touches others repeatedly, or does not stop when a peer says “stop.”
19
Difficulty Joining Play
Has difficulty approaching, joining, or staying in play with other children.
20
Controlling Play
Becomes upset when peers do not follow the child’s play ideas or rules.
Impulse, Attention & Sensory Regulation
21
Running Away
Runs from the parent, group, home, playground area, or other designated space.
22
Acting Before Thinking
Frequently grabs, rushes, pushes ahead, interrupts, or acts before a pause.
23
Difficulty With Group Participation
Has difficulty staying with the group or joining short group activities.
24
Unsafe Climbing / Crashing / Sensory-Seeking
Climbs, jumps, or crashes unsafely, or seeks touching, squeezing, or crashing input in ways that interfere with safety or participation.
25
Mouthing Toys / Materials
Puts toys, materials, clothing, or other non-food objects in the mouth (mouthing, licking, chewing) more than expected for age, creating choking, hygiene, or participation concerns.
Security, Communication & Flexibility
26
Separation Difficulty
Has significant difficulty separating from a parent or caregiver.
27
Constant Adult Attention
Needs one parent or adult attention so frequently that independence or group functioning is affected.
28
Communication Frustration
Has difficulty communicating wants, feelings, “stop,” or “help,” leading to frustration or behavior.
29
Difficulty With Change
Becomes very upset when routines, parents, plans, materials, or expectations change.
30
Withdrawal / Fearfulness
Frequently withdraws, isolates, appears fearful, or avoids participation with adults or peers.
Choose the Top 3 Current Concerns
Transfer the highest‑rated concerns here, then teach
them one at a time.
92 cards across the 30 behavior sections. The
number on the left is the card number shown on the card itself; the numbers on the right are the
behaviors that use it. Cards used in more than six behaviors are listed on more than one
line.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Hands stay on the child's own body or use gentle touch when touch is allowed. No hitting, pushing, scratching, pinching, grabbing, or throwing at people.
Parent help: Say, “Safe hands,” and show what safe hands look like.
The child holds a favorite toy while a parent-controlled puppet comes near it. The puppet makes the practice safer and less stressful than using another child. The child learns that safe hands, moving the toy closer, or saying STOP can protect the toy without hitting. The puppet backs away when the child responds safely.
Materials
Puppet; preferred toy; GENTLE HANDS card.
Set up
CHILD holds the toy. PARENT holds the puppet. Put GENTLE HANDS where the child can see it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Puppy wants to look.” Move the puppet toward the toy and stop about 4 inches away.
We Want
Child keeps hands safe. Child may hold the toy closer or say STOP.
The child holds the toy while the parent slowly reaches toward it without taking it. This creates a small, controlled version of a toy conflict. The child practices a simple safety sequence: STOP, step back, then HELP. The sequence gives the child’s mouth and body specific actions to use instead of hitting.
Materials
Preferred toy; STOP card; HELP card; two paper footprints.
Set up
CHILD holds toy. Footprints are one step behind child. STOP and HELP are within reach. PARENT is 2 feet in front.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “I want the toy.” Slowly reach toward the TOY without touching it.
We Want
Child says/points STOP.
Parent: Freeze your hand immediately. Say, “STOP worked. I stopped.”
Child May
Child pulls toy away, freezes, or looks worried without using STOP.
Parent: Say, “That was safe. Now show STOP.” Prompt STOP once; then freeze your hand.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Point to footprints: “Step back.” After the step, show HELP: “Ask for HELP.”
We Want
Child steps back, then says/points HELP.
Parent: Say, “Yes. I will help.” Move fully away and let child keep toy.
Child May
Child refuses the step, or hits/pushes parent’s hand.
Parent: Do not pull child. Move your hand away. Say, “Safe hands. Show HELP.” Prompt once, then end the round.
Reset / Repeat
One round = reach → STOP → step back → HELP. Do about 3 rounds.
The parent starts with the toy. The child practices asking MY TURN, waiting only a few seconds, and then receiving the toy. The wait is intentionally short so the child can succeed. Giving the toy right after the safe wait teaches a clear message: asking and waiting safely is how I get a turn.
Materials
Preferred toy; MY TURN card; WAIT card; 5-second timer.
Set up
PARENT starts with toy. CHILD has empty hands. Put MY TURN and WAIT between you.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Play with toy 5 seconds. Say, “You want it. Ask MY TURN.” Point to MY TURN.
We Want
Child says/points MY TURN.
Parent: Say, “Yes. You asked safely.” Keep the toy and go to the waiting step.
Child May
Child grabs, cries, or reaches for the toy.
Parent: Hold toy close to your body. Say only, “Show MY TURN.” Help child touch the card if needed.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show WAIT and start timer. Say, “Wait.” At the end, immediately say, “Your turn,” and give the toy for about 10 seconds.
We Want
Child keeps hands safe while waiting, then takes the toy safely.
Parent: Say, “Safe waiting.” Give the toy as soon as the wait ends.
Child May
Child grabs or hits during the wait.
Parent: Move toy away. Say, “Safe hands.” Restart with a 1–2 second wait so the child can succeed.
Reset / Repeat
One round = MY TURN → short WAIT → child gets toy. For another round, ask for toy back with a short warning. Do 2–3 rounds.
A favorite toy is placed inside a container the child cannot easily open. The small problem is intentional: it creates mild frustration while the parent is ready to help. The child practices using HELP instead of banging, throwing, or hitting. Opening the container immediately after HELP teaches that asking for help solves the problem.
Materials
HELP card; clear lidded container; preferred toy inside.
Set up
Toy is inside closed container. CHILD holds container. HELP card is beside it. PARENT sits next to child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Try to open it.” Let child try for 2–3 seconds.
We Want
Child tries briefly and keeps body and hands safe.
Parent: Say, “It is hard. Your hands are safe.” Then point to HELP.
Child May
Child bangs, throws, bites, or hits with the container.
Parent: Move container to safety. Say, “I will keep us safe.” Wait for calm before continuing.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “When it is hard, ask HELP.” Point to HELP.
We Want
Child says/points HELP or gives the card.
Parent: Immediately say, “Yes. I can help.” Open container and give toy. Say, “HELP worked.”
Child May
Child whines, looks at parent, or pushes container toward parent.
Parent: Say, “You want help.” Help child touch HELP once, then open container immediately.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child cannot open box → HELP → parent opens → child gets toy. Do 2–3 rounds.
The parent and child build a small tower, then the parent gently knocks it down. This creates a small, controlled disappointment. The child practices noticing frustration and doing something safe with the hands, such as squeezing a ball or putting hands in the lap. We practice with a small problem before expecting the skill during a bigger real-life frustration.
Materials
MAD/FRUSTRATED card; SAFE HANDS card; squeeze ball; three large blocks.
Set up
Build a 3-block tower together. Put both cards and squeeze ball beside it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Parent gently knocks the tower down. Say, “Oh no. It fell.” Show MAD/FRUSTRATED.
We Want
Child notices the problem without hitting; may point, frown, or say “mad.”
Parent: Say, “That can feel frustrating.” Keep your voice calm.
Child May
Child hits, kicks, or throws blocks.
Parent: Move blocks away. Say, “I will keep us safe.” Wait until the child’s body is calmer.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show SAFE HANDS. Offer squeeze ball: “Mad body – safe hands. Squeeze 1–2–3.” Then invite child to rebuild.
We Want
Child uses the ball or another safe hand position, then returns to play or calmly chooses to finish.
Parent: Say, “Your hands stayed safe.” Rebuild together if child wants to.
Child May
Child refuses the ball but stays safe, or does not want to rebuild.
Parent: Do not force either one. Offer “Ball or hands in lap?” Accept a safe choice. Rebuilding is optional.
Reset / Repeat
One round = tower falls → safe-body action → rebuild or finish. Do 2–3 rounds.
GREEN means play and RED means briefly stop the hands. This turns body control into a simple game instead of waiting for a problem to happen. Many quick successes help the child learn to pause the hands on cue. That pause can later be used before grabbing, pushing, or hitting.
Materials
GREEN card; RED card; 3–4 small toys.
Set up
Toys are in front of CHILD. PARENT holds GREEN and RED cards. Child starts with hands on toys.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show GREEN: “Green means play.” Let child play for about 5 seconds.
We Want
Child plays normally with the toys.
Parent: Say, “Green – play.” Let play continue.
Child May
Child does not play or looks confused.
Parent: Model touching one toy. Say, “Green – play.” Let child copy or simply watch.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show RED: “Red means hands stop. Hands in lap.” After 1–2 seconds, show GREEN again.
We Want
Child stops hands briefly, then returns to safe play when GREEN appears.
Parent: Say, “Your hands stopped!” Then restart play immediately.
Child May
Child keeps playing, gets upset, or returns to play roughly.
Parent: Model hands in lap. Praise even a 1-second stop. If rough on restart, use one toy and model gentle play.
Reset / Repeat
One round = GREEN play → RED stop → GREEN play. Do 4–5 quick rounds.
One puppet has the toy and the child controls the puppet that wants it. This safely recreates a peer toy conflict without another child being at risk. The child practices choosing MY TURN or HELP, waiting briefly, and then getting the toy. The parent makes the safe choice work so the child sees a complete alternative to hitting.
Materials
Two puppets; one preferred toy; MY TURN, HELP, WAIT cards.
Set up
PARENT holds Puppet A with toy. CHILD holds Puppet B with empty hands. Put MY TURN and HELP between you.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “A has the toy. B wants it. Choose MY TURN or HELP.” Point to both cards.
We Want
Child chooses MY TURN or HELP.
Parent: Say, “Good safe choice.” If MY TURN, have B ask. If HELP, help B ask.
Child May
Child makes B hit, shove, or grab.
Parent: Move A and toy back. Say, “Safe hands. Choose one.” Point to MY TURN and HELP.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show WAIT for 1–2 seconds. Then have Puppet A give the toy to Puppet B.
We Want
Child keeps B’s hands safe during the short wait and takes the toy safely.
Parent: Say, “B got the toy without hitting.” Let B have it about 10 seconds.
Child May
Child makes B hit or grab during the wait.
Parent: Move toy back. Say, “Safe hands.” Retry with a 1-second wait, then let B succeed.
Reset / Repeat
One round = A has toy → B asks safely → brief WAIT → B gets toy. Do 2–3 rounds.
This moves one practiced skill into a real routine where hitting sometimes happens. Choose only ONE new action – STOP, HELP, or MY TURN – and rehearse it once before the routine. Stay close and prompt that same skill early. One small target keeps the goal reachable and supports ZPD-style progress.
Materials
SAFE HANDS card; ONE card showing what to do instead (STOP, HELP, or MY TURN); tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose one real 3–5 minute routine where hitting sometimes happens. Pick ONE action the child can use instead of the problem behavior. Stay close to the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show SAFE HANDS and the card showing what to do instead. Practice the chosen new action once.
We Want
Child shows or says the new action to use instead one time.
Parent: Say, “Yes. That is what you can do.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child refuses, looks away, or does nothing.
Parent: Model the skill once yourself. Do not lecture. Start the routine and stay ready to prompt.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first sign of trouble, show the card and give one short prompt. If a hit happens, make the other child safe first.
We Want
Child uses the new action before hitting, or practices it once after calming.
Parent: Respond immediately to the skill and praise it. After a hit, help one successful practice before returning.
Child May
Child reaches to hit, raises a hand, or stays too upset to practice.
Parent: Move close for safety and prompt once. If still escalating, stop teaching and help the child calm. Practice later.
Reset / Repeat
The whole 3–5 minute routine is ONE daily practice. Record the 0–3 rating afterward. Repeat the same goal across days.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
The child holds a favorite toy while a parent-controlled puppet slowly comes near it. We use a puppet so no child or adult has to be placed near the child’s mouth. The child learns: keep the mouth away, use STOP, and let the other person move back. The parent makes STOP work immediately so the child experiences a safe alternative to biting.
The parent starts with a preferred toy so the child can practice what to do when someone else has something they want. The child asks MY TURN, waits for only a few seconds, and then gets the toy. The short wait is deliberate: we want the child to succeed and learn that asking and waiting gets the toy without biting.
Some children bite when another person gets into their space. This activity teaches the child to make space before the body becomes too upset. A puppet approaches slowly; the child practices STOP and one step backward onto footprints. The parent immediately respects the STOP signal.
Materials
Puppet; STOP card; SPACE card; two paper footprints.
Set up
Place footprints one step behind CHILD. PARENT has puppet. Put STOP and SPACE in front of child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Move puppet slowly toward child and stop about 10 inches away. Say, “Too close? Show STOP.”
We Want
Child says/points STOP while keeping mouth away from puppet.
Parent: Stop the puppet immediately. Say, “STOP worked.”
Child May
Child freezes, backs away, or turns head without using STOP.
Parent: Say, “You moved safely. Show STOP too.” Help child touch STOP, then move puppet farther away.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Point to footprints. Say, “Step back for space.”
We Want
Child takes one step back and remains safe.
Parent: Say, “You made space.” Keep puppet where it is and end the round.
Child May
Child rushes toward puppet, cries, or cannot step back.
Parent: Move puppet away first. Do not force the step. When calm, practice stepping onto footprints with no puppet nearby, then try again later.
Reset / Repeat
One round = puppet approaches → STOP → one step back → puppet stays away. Do 2–3 rounds.
A favorite toy is placed in a container the child cannot open easily. This creates a small, controlled frustration while the parent is close. The child practices asking HELP before the frustration turns into biting. The parent opens the container immediately after HELP so the child learns that communication solves the problem.
Materials
HELP card; SAFE MOUTH card; clear lidded container; preferred toy.
Set up
Toy is inside the closed container. CHILD holds container. HELP and SAFE MOUTH are beside it. PARENT sits close but out of biting range.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Try to open it.” Allow 2–3 seconds.
We Want
Child tries and keeps mouth away from parent and container.
Parent: Say, “That is hard. Your mouth is safe.” Point to HELP.
Child May
Child bites the container, moves mouth toward parent, or becomes very upset.
Parent: Take the container to a safe distance. Say, “Safe mouth.” Wait for calm. Do not continue while the child is trying to bite.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Ask HELP.” Point to HELP.
We Want
Child says/points HELP or hands the card to parent.
Parent: Immediately say, “I can help.” Open container and give the toy. Say, “HELP worked.”
Child May
Child pushes container toward parent or looks at parent but does not use the card.
Parent: Treat that as communication. Say, “You want help.” Help child touch HELP once, then open the container.
Reset / Repeat
One round = small problem → HELP → parent helps → child gets toy. Do 2–3 rounds.
This simple sorting practice gives the child a clear rule for what the mouth is for. The parent uses pretend food, an empty cup, and a puppet. The child practices “mouth for food/drink/words” and then practices STOP or HELP when the puppet is involved. We do not ask the child to pretend-bite anything.
Materials
SAFE MOUTH card; pretend food; empty cup; puppet; STOP or HELP card.
Set up
Put pretend food, cup, and puppet on the table. SAFE MOUTH is in the middle. CHILD sits beside PARENT.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show pretend food and cup. Say, “Mouth eats food. Mouth drinks.” Point to SAFE MOUTH.
We Want
Child looks, points, or repeats part of the rule.
Parent: Say, “Yes – safe mouth.” Keep it short; no quiz is required.
Child May
Child mouths the pretend food/cup or becomes silly with the materials.
Parent: Remove the item briefly. Say, “We are practicing, not chewing toys.” Use only one object at a time.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Move the puppet toward a toy and say, “Puppet has the toy. What can you do?” Show STOP and HELP.
We Want
Child chooses STOP or HELP while keeping mouth away from puppet.
Parent: Make the choice work immediately: move puppet back for STOP or help for HELP.
Child May
Child reaches mouth toward puppet or does not choose.
Parent: Move puppet away. Say, “People stay safe. Choose STOP or HELP.” Prompt one card, then end successfully.
Reset / Repeat
One round = name a safe mouth job → practice STOP/HELP with puppet. Do 2–3 rounds.
The parent creates a small disappointment by letting a block tower fall. The child practices noticing “mad/frustrated” and using a safe action before moving the mouth toward anyone. The new action can be squeezing a ball, showing HELP, or stepping back. The goal is not to stop feelings; it is to give the body a safe next action.
Materials
MAD/FRUSTRATED card; SAFE MOUTH card; HELP card; squeeze ball; 3 large blocks.
Set up
Build a 3-block tower together. Put cards and squeeze ball beside it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Gently let the tower fall. Say, “Oh no. It fell.” Show MAD/FRUSTRATED.
We Want
Child stays near materials without biting and may show/label frustration.
Parent: Say, “That can feel mad.” Keep your body slightly out of reach.
Child May
Child moves mouth toward parent, bites an object, or escalates quickly.
Parent: Move people and unsafe objects away. Say, “Safe mouth.” Help the child calm before any teaching continues.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show SAFE MOUTH and offer one choice: “Squeeze ball or HELP?”
We Want
Child chooses one safe action and keeps mouth away from people.
Parent: Say, “You kept your mouth safe.” Then rebuild or finish.
Child May
Child refuses both but is calm and safe.
Parent: Accept calm refusal. Say, “You can be all done.” Do not force a coping tool.
Reset / Repeat
One round = small frustration → safe mouth → one safe action → rebuild or finish. Do 2 rounds.
The parent and child use two puppets so the child can practice a peer conflict without anyone being at risk. One puppet has the toy and the child’s puppet wants it. The child practices MY TURN or HELP, a very short wait, and then receiving the toy. The parent never asks the puppets to pretend-bite.
Materials
Two puppets; preferred toy; MY TURN, HELP, WAIT, SAFE MOUTH cards.
Set up
PARENT holds Puppet A with toy. CHILD holds Puppet B. Put cards between you.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “A has it. B wants it. Choose MY TURN or HELP.”
We Want
Child chooses a card and keeps Puppet B away from Puppet A’s face/body.
Parent: Say, “Safe mouth. Good choice.” Help B use the chosen message.
Child May
Child pushes Puppet B into A, pretends to bite, or grabs the toy.
Parent: Move A and toy away. Say, “We do not practice biting. Choose MY TURN or HELP.” Start again with more distance.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show WAIT for 1–2 seconds. Then A gives the toy to B.
We Want
Child waits safely and accepts the toy.
Parent: Say, “B got the toy by asking.” Let B play 10 seconds.
Child May
Child cannot wait safely.
Parent: Shorten wait to 1 second and move puppets farther apart. Let the child succeed quickly.
Reset / Repeat
One round = A has toy → B asks → short WAIT → B gets toy. Do 2–3 rounds.
Choose one short real routine where biting sometimes happens and one new action only: STOP, HELP, MY TURN, or STEP BACK. Practice that skill once before the routine. Staying with one small goal makes it easier for the child to use the skill before the urge to bite becomes too strong.
Materials
SAFE MOUTH card; ONE card showing what to do instead; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose a 3–5 minute routine. Pick ONE action the child can use instead of the problem behavior. Keep enough physical space to keep everyone safe.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show SAFE MOUTH and the card showing what to do instead. Practice the chosen new action once.
We Want
Child shows/says the chosen new action once.
Parent: Say, “That is your safe mouth plan.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child refuses or does not respond.
Parent: Model the skill once. Do not insist. Begin the routine and stay close enough to prompt early.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first sign of crowding/frustration, show the card once. If the child attempts to bite, move others to safety first.
We Want
Child uses the new action before biting, or practices it after calming.
Parent: Respond immediately to the skill. Give the needed space/help/turn as appropriate.
Child May
Child continues trying to bite or is too upset to learn.
Parent: Stop the teaching attempt. Keep everyone safe and help the child regulate. Practice again later when calm.
Reset / Repeat
The whole routine is one daily practice. Record the 0–3 rating afterward. Use the same goal across days.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
This activity gives the child a simple body position to use before rough behavior starts: feet on the floor and hands close to the child’s own body. The parent practices the position while the child is calm, then adds a small distraction. A practiced “ready position” is easier to prompt later than a long reminder such as “stop pushing and kicking.”
Materials
SAFE HANDS card; SAFE FEET card; two paper footprints; one toy.
Set up
Put footprints on floor. CHILD stands/sits with feet on them and toy nearby. Cards are visible.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show SAFE HANDS and SAFE FEET. Say, “Feet on spots. Hands on tummy or lap.” Model it.
We Want
Child places feet on spots and hands on own body/lap for 1–2 seconds.
Parent: Say, “Safe hands. Safe feet.” Immediately let child touch/play with the toy.
Child May
Child moves off spots, flaps, or uses a different safe hand position.
Parent: Accept any safe position. Do not demand perfect posture. Say, “Your body is safe.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Move the toy slightly to the side and say, “Ready body first.”
We Want
Child briefly returns hands/feet to a safe position before reaching.
Parent: Say, “Ready – now go.” Let child get toy.
Child May
Child kicks toward parent, pushes the toy/parent, scratches, or grabs hard.
Parent: Move out of reach and move toy back. Say, “Body safe.” Reset with more distance and a 1-second ready position.
Reset / Repeat
One round = safe ready body → access toy. Do 3–4 very short rounds.
Rough hands and feet often appear when another person is too close. A puppet approaches slowly while the child practices STOP and one step backward. The parent makes STOP work immediately. The activity teaches the child that creating space is more effective than pushing, kicking, scratching, or pulling.
Materials
Puppet; STOP card; SPACE card; two paper footprints.
Set up
Footprints are one step behind CHILD. PARENT holds puppet 2 feet away. Cards are visible.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Move puppet slowly toward child and stop about 10 inches away. Say, “Too close? Show STOP.”
We Want
Child says/points STOP without touching puppet roughly.
This is a three-part safety sequence for moments when the child feels crowded or blocked. The parent creates a mild situation by reaching toward a toy, then the child practices STOP, one step back, and HELP. Giving the child a complete sequence reduces the need to use the body to solve the problem.
Materials
Preferred toy; STOP card; HELP card; footprints.
Set up
CHILD holds toy. PARENT sits about 2 feet away. Footprints are behind child; cards are visible.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “I want the toy.” Reach slowly toward the TOY without touching child.
We Want
Child says/points STOP and keeps body safe.
Parent: Freeze and say, “STOP worked.”
Child May
Child pushes/kicks parent’s hand or scratches/grabs.
Parent: Pull your hand away. Say, “Body safe.” Point to STOP once. Do not continue until calm.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Step back. Now ask HELP.”
We Want
Child steps back and says/points HELP.
Parent: Say, “I will help.” Move fully away and let child keep toy.
Child May
Child skips the step but shows HELP while safe.
Parent: Accept HELP. Say, “HELP worked.” Do not make the child complete every part when the communication is already safe.
Reset / Repeat
One round = reach → STOP → step back → HELP. Do 2–3 rounds.
The parent starts with a preferred toy and the child practices getting a turn without using rough hands or feet. The wait is kept very short. The child learns that MY TURN plus a safe body leads quickly to access, which is more useful than simply hearing “don’t push.”
Materials
Preferred toy; MY TURN card; WAIT card; SAFE HANDS or SAFE BODY card.
Set up
PARENT has toy. CHILD has empty hands and enough space between bodies. Cards are between you.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Ask MY TURN.” Point to the card.
We Want
Child says/points MY TURN without grabbing or pushing.
Parent: Say, “You asked safely.”
Child May
Child grabs, pushes, scratches, or pulls at parent/toy.
Parent: Move toy close to your body and increase distance. Say, “Safe hands. Show MY TURN.” Prompt once.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show WAIT for 1–2 seconds, then give toy.
We Want
Child waits with hands/feet safe and takes toy gently.
Parent: Give toy immediately. Say, “Safe body got a turn.”
Child May
Child cannot wait safely.
Parent: Shorten to 1 second. If needed, place toy on table rather than hand-to-hand. Build wait later.
Reset / Repeat
One round = MY TURN → brief WAIT → toy. Do 2–3 rounds.
Some children need direct practice with how “gentle” feels. A stuffed animal is safer than practicing first on another child. The parent models an open-hand pat or one slow stroke, then the child copies. The goal is not to require touching others; it is to give a safe motor pattern to use when touch is appropriate.
Some rough behavior happens when the child wants strong body input or has a lot of energy. This activity teaches a safe place for pushing: a solid wall. The child practices three wall pushes and then returns to SAFE BODY. We teach this while calm so it can later be offered before pushing or kicking another person.
Materials
PUSH WALL card; SAFE BODY card; clear wall space.
Set up
Use a sturdy wall with no furniture nearby. CHILD stands arm’s length from wall. PARENT stands beside, not in front.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show PUSH WALL. Put your own palms on wall and model, “Push 1–2–3.”
We Want
Child places palms on wall and pushes three times.
Parent: Say, “Strong push goes on the wall.”
Child May
Child pushes parent, kicks wall, or becomes overly excited.
Parent: Step out of reach. Say, “Wall push only.” Stop the round if the body is getting less safe.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show SAFE BODY. Say, “All done. Hands to your body. Feet still.”
We Want
Child stops pushing and returns hands/feet to a safe position.
Parent: Say, “Strong body, then safe body.”
Child May
Child wants to keep pushing safely.
Parent: Allow one more set of three if it is helping, then clearly end: “Last 3, then done.”
Reset / Repeat
One round = 3 wall pushes → safe body. Do 2 rounds; stop if it increases rough behavior.
GREEN means move and play; RED means briefly stop hands and feet. This playful practice builds the pause that a child needs before kicking, pushing, scratching, pinching, or pulling. The stop is only one or two seconds at first so the child can succeed many times.
Materials
GREEN card; RED card; SAFE FEET card; open floor space.
Set up
Clear a small safe area. CHILD stands 3–4 feet from PARENT. Parent holds GREEN and RED.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show GREEN and say, “Green – walk/play.” Let child move for 4–5 seconds.
We Want
Child moves safely without touching parent.
Parent: Say, “Green – go.”
Child May
Child runs into parent, kicks, or uses hands roughly.
Parent: Increase space and switch to slow walking. Say, “Green means safe movement.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show RED. Say, “Red – hands and feet stop.” After 1–2 seconds, show GREEN again.
We Want
Child pauses body briefly.
Parent: Say, “You stopped!” Restart movement immediately.
Child May
Child cannot stop or gets upset.
Parent: Model a 1-second freeze. Praise any pause. Make the next round slower and shorter.
Reset / Repeat
One round = GREEN move → RED stop → GREEN move. Do 4–5 quick rounds.
Choose one short routine where rough hands or feet usually appear. Pick only ONE new action: STOP, SPACE, HELP, MY TURN, or WALL PUSH. Practice it once before the routine and prompt early. A single small target gives the child a realistic next step instead of trying to fix every rough behavior at once.
Materials
SAFE BODY card; ONE card showing what to do instead; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose one 3–5 minute routine. Keep other children out of the practice if safety is uncertain. Pick ONE skill.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show SAFE BODY and the chosen skill. Practice it once.
We Want
Child shows the skill one time.
Parent: Say, “That is your safe body plan.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child refuses or is not interested.
Parent: Model once and move on. Do not turn preview into a struggle.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first sign of rough body movement, show the card and prompt once. If another person is at risk, make space first.
We Want
Child uses the new action before rough contact, or practices it after calming.
Parent: Respond immediately and praise specifically: “You used STOP,” “You made space,” etc.
Child May
Child continues rough behavior or becomes too upset to practice.
Parent: Stop teaching, protect everyone, and help the child regulate. Practice again later when calm.
Reset / Repeat
The routine is one daily practice. Record the 0–3 rating. Keep the same goal across several days.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
This activity teaches that some things can be thrown in a safe place and other household materials are placed down. The child handles one item at a time: soft beanbags go into a basket, while blocks go onto a mat. The contrast is concrete and easier to learn than the general rule “don’t throw.”
Materials
3 soft beanbags; 3 hard blocks; basket; PLACE HERE mat; THROW HERE and PLACE HERE cards.
Set up
Basket is 3 feet away. Mat is beside child. Mix beanbags and blocks in a small pile.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Give one beanbag. Show THROW HERE and point to basket. Say, “Beanbag – throw here.”
We Want
Child throws beanbag toward basket.
Parent: Say, “Yes – soft beanbag goes in the throw basket.”
Child May
Child throws beanbag at person/wall or throws too hard.
Parent: Move basket closer and stand to the side. Say, “Throw to basket.” Model one gentle underhand throw.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Give one block. Show PLACE HERE and point to mat. Say, “Block – place here.”
We Want
Child sets block on mat without throwing.
Parent: Say, “Block goes down safely.”
Child May
Child throws the block.
Parent: Remove hard blocks. Say, “Hard toys are placed.” Practice with one block hand-over-hand only if child accepts help; otherwise model and stop.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one beanbag to basket + one block to mat. Do 3 rounds.
The goal is to give the child a very short action to use when a toy is already in the hand and frustration is rising. The child practices placing the toy onto a marked mat when the parent says PUT DOWN. We start while calm, then add a tiny delay before the child gets the toy back.
Materials
PUT DOWN card; small mat; sturdy toy/block; 3-second timer.
Set up
CHILD holds the toy. Mat is directly in front. PUT DOWN card is visible.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show PUT DOWN. Say, “Put the toy on the mat.”
We Want
Child places toy on mat.
Parent: Say, “You put it down safely.” Give toy back immediately.
Child May
Child throws or drops toy hard.
Parent: Move toy to safety. Say, “Toy goes on mat.” Model with a second toy; do not lecture.
2
Step 2 — Parent: On the next round, after child places toy down, show 1–2 fingers and wait 1–2 seconds before returning it.
We Want
Child leaves toy on mat briefly.
Parent: Return toy and say, “Safe put-down, then you got it back.”
Child May
Child grabs the toy before the wait ends.
Parent: Shorten wait to zero or one second. Success with safe placement matters more than waiting.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child holds toy → PUT DOWN → very short wait → toy returns. Do 3 rounds.
A mildly challenging activity gives the child a chance to practice stopping before materials are thrown. The parent teaches one simple escape: show BREAK, then move away from the task for a short calm pause. Because the break happens right away, the child learns that communication can stop a hard task.
The child is given a small problem that the parent can solve immediately, such as a closed container. The child practices HELP instead of throwing or banging the object. The parent responds quickly so HELP becomes a useful tool, not just a word the child is asked to say.
Materials
HELP card; closed clear container; preferred toy inside.
Set up
CHILD holds container. HELP is beside it. PARENT sits close enough to help but out of the path of thrown objects.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Try to open it.” Let child try for 2–3 seconds.
We Want
Child tries while keeping container down.
Parent: Say, “It is hard. Ask HELP.”
Child May
Child raises container, bangs it, or prepares to throw.
Parent: Take container to safety if possible. Say, “Container stays down.” Wait for calm before continuing.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Point to HELP. Say, “Show HELP.”
We Want
Child says/points HELP or gives card.
Parent: Open container immediately and say, “HELP worked.” Give toy.
Child May
Child pushes container toward parent or looks at parent without using card.
Parent: Treat it as communication. Say, “You want help.” Help child touch HELP once, then open it.
Reset / Repeat
One round = problem → HELP → parent helps → toy. Do 2–3 rounds.
The parent and child build a small tower and allow it to fall. This creates a manageable disappointment. The child practices keeping other materials down and using a safe action such as squeezing a ball or hands in lap. We teach the response during a small problem before expecting it during a bigger frustration.
Materials
MAD/FRUSTRATED card; SAFE HANDS card; squeeze ball; 3 large blocks.
Set up
Build a 3-block tower. Keep extra materials out of reach so only the practice blocks are present.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Gently let the tower fall. Show MAD/FRUSTRATED and say, “It fell.”
We Want
Child notices frustration without throwing other items.
Parent: Say, “That is frustrating. Toys stay down.”
Child May
Child throws blocks, sweeps them, or knocks nearby materials.
Parent: Move remaining materials away. Say, “I will keep toys safe.” Wait for calm.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show SAFE HANDS and offer, “Squeeze ball or hands in lap?”
We Want
Child chooses a safe hand action.
Parent: Say, “Your hands stayed safe.” Offer to rebuild or finish.
Child May
Child refuses the choices but is calm.
Parent: Accept “all done.” Do not require rebuilding. The safe ending is the goal.
Reset / Repeat
One round = tower falls → safe hand action → rebuild or finish. Do 2 rounds.
Children sometimes knock down or swipe materials when someone comes too close to their work. A puppet approaches the child’s block tower while the child practices STOP or SPACE. The parent makes the message work by moving the puppet away. This teaches a way to protect work without destroying it.
Materials
3–5 blocks; puppet; STOP card; SPACE card.
Set up
CHILD builds a small tower. PARENT holds puppet 2 feet away. STOP and SPACE are visible.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Puppy is coming to look.” Move puppet slowly toward tower, not toward child.
We Want
Child shows STOP or SPACE and leaves tower standing.
Parent: Immediately move puppet back. Say, “You protected your work with words/card.”
Child May
Child knocks tower down or swipes blocks as puppet approaches.
Parent: Move puppet away and remove loose blocks from reach. Say, “Puppy moved back. Next time show STOP.” Rebuild only if child wants.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Try again from farther away. Prompt, “Show STOP before Puppy gets close.”
We Want
Child uses STOP/SPACE early.
Parent: Move puppet back before it reaches the tower. Praise the early communication.
Child May
Child is too worried about the puppet to continue.
Parent: End the activity. The goal is not to make the child tolerate the puppet; it is to practice a safe way to create space.
Reset / Repeat
One round = puppet approaches work → STOP/SPACE → puppet backs away. Do 2–3 rounds.
Throwing can happen when a preferred item is unavailable. The parent briefly keeps one desired toy out of reach and offers two acceptable alternatives. The child practices choosing instead of throwing nearby materials. The unavailable period is very short so the child can learn flexibility without being overwhelmed.
Materials
Preferred toy; two acceptable alternative toys; CHOOSE 1 card; 10-second timer.
Set up
Preferred toy is visible on a high shelf or behind parent, not in child’s hands. Two alternatives are on table.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “That toy is not ready. Choose one.” Point to the two alternatives and CHOOSE 1.
We Want
Child points to or takes one alternative safely.
Parent: Say, “You chose.” Let child play with it immediately.
Child May
Child throws an alternative or swipes both away.
Parent: Remove loose items. Calmly offer only ONE alternative: “This one or all done.” Reduce the choice demand.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After about 10 seconds, if appropriate, say, “Now the preferred toy is ready,” and offer it.
We Want
Child transitions without throwing the alternative.
Parent: Say, “You waited and chose safely.”
Child May
Child clings to the alternative or does not want the preferred toy anymore.
Parent: Accept that. The goal was safe flexibility, not forcing a switch.
Reset / Repeat
One round = preferred item unavailable → choose safe alternative → short time → preferred item may become available. Do 1–2 rounds.
Choose one short routine where throwing, knocking, or destroying usually happens. Pick ONE new action: PUT DOWN, BREAK, HELP, STOP/SPACE, or CHOOSE. Practice it once before the routine and prompt it early. One focused target makes progress easier to see and easier for the child to remember.
Materials
SAFE HANDS or PUT DOWN card; ONE card showing what to do instead; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose one 3–5 minute routine. Reduce extra loose/hard materials during practice. Pick ONE skill.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, practice the chosen new action once.
We Want
Child shows the skill one time.
Parent: Say, “That is your safe materials plan.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child does not want to practice.
Parent: Model once and start the routine. Do not create a power struggle.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first sign of throwing/knocking, prompt once. If an object is already raised, prioritize safety and clear people/items from the path.
We Want
Child uses the new action before throwing or practices it after calming.
Parent: Respond immediately: give help/break/space or accept the safe put-down.
Child May
Child continues throwing or is too upset to learn.
Parent: Stop the teaching attempt and make the area safe. Practice again later with fewer materials and a smaller demand.
Reset / Repeat
The routine is one daily practice. Record the 0–3 rating afterward. Keep the same target for several days.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
This activity never asks the child to practice self-hitting. Instead, the parent creates a very small frustration, such as a closed container, and immediately teaches HELP as the safe response. The child learns that when something is hard, an adult can help before the body becomes overwhelmed.
Materials
SAFE BODY card; HELP card; clear lidded container; preferred toy.
Set up
Toy is inside the container. CHILD sits with container on table. PARENT sits close enough to protect but does not restrain the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Try to open it.” Allow only 2–3 seconds.
We Want
Child tries while body remains safe.
Parent: Say, “Your body is safe. Ask HELP.”
Child May
Child begins hitting/scratching self, head-banging, or escalating quickly.
Parent: Immediately remove hard objects and reduce demands. Use the child’s existing safety plan. Do not continue the activity until calm.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Point to HELP. Say, “Show HELP.”
We Want
Child says/points HELP or hands card to parent.
Parent: Open container immediately. Say, “HELP worked.” Give toy.
Child May
Child looks at parent or pushes container toward parent but cannot use the card.
Parent: Treat it as communication. Say, “You need help.” Help child touch HELP once, then open the container.
Reset / Repeat
One round = small problem → HELP → parent helps. Do 1–2 rounds only while child is calm.
The child practices ending a mildly challenging task with a BREAK card before distress becomes intense. The break happens immediately and is short. The goal is to teach an early exit signal that can later replace self-directed hitting, scratching, or head-banging when demands feel too hard.
This activity gives the hands a strong but safe job. The child practices squeezing a soft ball or small pillow three times and then relaxing the hands. It can be useful for children whose hands move toward their own body when upset. We teach it when calm so the parent can later offer it early.
Materials
SQUEEZE card; soft squeeze ball or small pillow; SAFE BODY card.
Set up
CHILD and PARENT sit side-by-side. Put squeeze item in front of child. No hard objects nearby.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show SQUEEZE. Model, “Squeeze 1–2–3, then let go.”
We Want
Child squeezes the item three times or for a few seconds.
Parent: Say, “Strong hands on the ball/pillow.”
Child May
Child hits self with the item, throws it, or refuses.
Parent: Take the item away if unsafe. Say, “We can be all done.” Do not force a sensory tool.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show SAFE BODY and say, “All done squeezing. Hands rest.”
We Want
Child releases item and rests hands safely.
Parent: Say, “Squeeze, then safe body.”
Child May
Child wants to continue squeezing safely.
Parent: Allow one more set of three if it is calming, then clearly end: “Last three.”
Reset / Repeat
One round = squeeze 3 times → release → safe body. Do 2 rounds if it stays calming.
Wall pushes give the child a safe place for strong pressure without directing force toward the child’s own body or another person. The parent models three pushes and then a clear stop. This is a safe alternative action, not a punishment, and should be used only if the child appears to find it calming.
Materials
PUSH WALL card; SAFE BODY card; clear sturdy wall.
Set up
Clear the area. CHILD stands arm’s length from wall. PARENT stands beside, not behind or in front.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show PUSH WALL. Model palms on wall: “Push 1–2–3.”
We Want
Child pushes wall three times with open hands.
Parent: Say, “Strong push goes on the wall.”
Child May
Child hits head/body on wall, kicks wall, or becomes more dysregulated.
Parent: Stop immediately and move away from wall. Use a different calming option and the child’s safety plan.
Some children benefit from a safe way to use strong leg movement. The child practices three stomps on a designated mat and then stopping the feet. We are not teaching the child to become more angry; we are teaching that strong movement has a safe place and a clear ending.
Materials
STOMP MAT card; small nonslip mat; SAFE BODY card.
Set up
Place mat in an open area away from furniture and other children. PARENT stands beside child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show STOMP MAT. Model, “Stomp on the mat: 1–2–3.”
We Want
Child stomps feet on the mat three times without kicking self/others.
Parent: Say, “Feet stayed on the mat.”
Child May
Child kicks objects/people, falls intentionally, or becomes more upset.
Parent: Stop the activity. Move to a calmer option. Stomping is not a good replacement for this child at that moment.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show SAFE BODY. Say, “Stop feet. Body still.”
We Want
Child stops after the count.
Parent: Say, “Strong feet, then stop.”
Child May
Child keeps stomping but remains safe.
Parent: Give one clear ending: “Last 3, then done.” If stopping is difficult, do not use this activity again until more support is available.
Reset / Repeat
One round = 3 stomps on mat → stop → safe body. Do 1–2 rounds only if it lowers, not raises, arousal.
The child practices making one simple choice when the parent shows a MAD/FRUSTRATED card. The two choices are already familiar, such as SQUEEZE or PUSH WALL. Choice gives the child some control while keeping the number of options small. The parent accepts either safe choice and does not force a tool.
Materials
MAD/FRUSTRATED card; CALM CHOICE card; two familiar options such as squeeze ball and wall push.
Set up
Have both options ready. Use only options the child has already practiced safely.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MAD/FRUSTRATED and say, “When your body feels mad, choose one.” Show the two choices.
We Want
Child points to or moves toward one safe option.
Parent: Say, “You chose.” Help child do that option briefly.
Child May
Child does not choose, turns away, or says no.
Parent: Accept no. Say, “You can sit with me or be all done.” Do not make coping skills into a demand.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the chosen action, show SAFE BODY and say, “Check your body. More or done?”
We Want
Child indicates more/done or simply stays safe.
Parent: Follow the child’s safe signal. Praise the safe body, not forced calmness.
Child May
Child becomes more upset during the option.
Parent: Stop the option. Reduce stimulation and use the child’s known calming/safety supports.
Reset / Repeat
One round = feeling cue → choose one safe action → check body → more or done. Do 1–2 rounds.
If self-directed behavior often appears during transitions, the parent practices the transition in a very small dose. The child gets a short warning, sees SAFE BODY plus one support such as BREAK or HELP, and moves only a few steps to the next place. The transition is kept easy so success can be built gradually.
Materials
SAFE BODY card; HELP or BREAK card; simple first/then visual; preferred activity and nearby next area.
Set up
Choose a low-stress transition of only a few steps. Keep the next activity easy or pleasant at first.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Give a short warning: “One more turn, then walk.” Show first/then and SAFE BODY.
We Want
Child finishes one turn and keeps body safe while preparing to move.
Parent: Say, “You are getting ready safely.”
Child May
Child shows early distress or known warning signs.
Parent: Reduce the demand immediately: “HELP or BREAK?” Offer one support before asking the child to move.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Walk together a few steps to the next area. Keep language minimal.
We Want
Child moves with safe body, even if upset.
Parent: At arrival say, “You made the transition safely.” Give access to the next activity.
Child May
Child begins self-injury or cannot move safely.
Parent: Stop the transition demand. Make the area safe and follow the child’s safety plan. Practice a smaller transition later.
Reset / Repeat
One round = warning → one safe support → short transition → arrival. Do one successful practice per day.
Choose one real routine where self-directed behavior sometimes appears and one new action only: HELP, BREAK, SQUEEZE, PUSH WALL, or another child-specific safe action. Practice it once before the routine. The parent watches for early signs and offers the skill before the child is in crisis. This follows the ZPD idea of one small reachable step at a time.
Materials
SAFE BODY card; ONE card showing what to do instead; tracking sheet; any child-specific safety plan.
Set up
Choose a short routine. Pick ONE action the child can use instead of hurting self that the child has already practiced successfully. Remove hard objects or other known hazards as appropriate.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, practice the chosen new action once while calm.
We Want
Child shows the skill one time or accepts the visual prompt.
Parent: Say, “That is your safe body plan.” Begin the routine.
Child May
Child refuses the practice.
Parent: Do not insist. Model once and begin only if the routine can be done safely.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the earliest warning sign, offer the new action. If self-injury starts, stop teaching and prioritize safety.
We Want
Child uses the new action before self-injury, or practices it after fully calming.
Parent: Respond immediately and reduce the demand as appropriate. Record the success.
Child May
Child is injuring self, cannot be redirected safely, or behavior is severe/frequent.
Parent: Follow the safety plan and seek appropriate professional/medical guidance. Do not continue the activity as a behavior lesson during crisis.
Reset / Repeat
The routine is one daily practice. Record the 0–3 rating afterward. Keep the same goal for several days before changing it.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
The parent helps the child notice the beginning of a big feeling before it becomes a full tantrum. The child does not have to stop being upset. The child practices showing “I AM UPSET” and then choosing one simple action such as HELP or SQUEEZE. We design the activity this way because children use calming skills more easily when the feeling is still small.
Materials
I AM UPSET card; HELP card; SQUEEZE card; soft squeeze ball.
Set up
Sit one-on-one at a table or on the floor. Put I AM UPSET in front of the child. Put HELP and SQUEEZE beside it. Keep the squeeze ball next to SQUEEZE.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Sometimes our body starts to feel very upset. Show me I AM UPSET.” Point to the card.
We Want
Child touches/points to the card or says a feeling word such as “mad.”
Parent: Say, “Yes. You can be upset. I am here.” Keep your voice calm.
Child May
Child says nothing, turns away, or chooses a different feeling word.
Parent: Accept any safe communication. Say, “You can show me when your body feels upset.” Model touching the card once; do not force imitation.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “When you are upset, choose one thing: HELP or SQUEEZE.” Point to both cards.
We Want
Child chooses HELP or SQUEEZE and tries the action.
Parent: Make the choice work immediately. For HELP, say, “I will help.” For SQUEEZE, hand over the ball and squeeze together 3 times.
Child May
Child grabs both cards, throws them, or refuses to choose while still safe.
Parent: Reduce the choices to one. Say, “I will show SQUEEZE.” Model once. End the practice if the child does not want to continue.
Reset / Repeat
One round = show/label upset → choose one safe action → parent makes that action work. Do 2–3 short rounds while the child is calm.
Young children may not understand the instruction “take a deep breath.” In this activity the child can SEE the breath move a feather or tissue. The goal is not perfect breathing. The goal is to practice one slow exhale that the parent can later invite during early frustration.
Materials
BREATHE card; feather, tissue square, or cotton ball; table.
Set up
Sit across from the child. Put the feather about 8 inches in front of the child. Put BREATHE beside it. The parent has a second feather if available.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Point to BREATHE and say, “Watch me. I breathe out and make the feather move.” Take one comfortable breath and blow gently.
We Want
Child watches and may copy the gentle blow.
Parent: Say, “You saw the breath move it.” Keep the practice playful.
Child May
Child blows very hard, spits, laughs, or does not copy.
Parent: Do not correct harshly. Move the feather farther away if needed. Say, “Let us try a soft blow.” Model once more.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Reset the feather. Say, “Your turn: one soft breath.”
We Want
Child blows once, even if the breath is short.
Parent: Say, “You did one calming breath.” Stop after success or offer one more turn.
Child May
Child becomes frustrated because the feather does not move.
Parent: Move the feather closer or hold it lightly so it moves easily. The goal is successful practice, not strong blowing.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent models one breath → child tries one breath. Do only 2–4 breaths total. Never require repeated deep breathing if the child dislikes it.
A tantrum can come with a strong urge to use the whole body. This activity gives the hands a safe job: squeeze a soft ball, let go, and then rest. The three-part routine is simple enough for a parent to prompt before the child becomes overwhelmed.
Materials
SQUEEZE card; soft squeeze ball; small mat or marked place for the ball.
Set up
Sit beside the child. Put the squeeze ball on the mat between you. Put SQUEEZE where the child can see it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show SQUEEZE. Say, “Pick up the ball. Squeeze...1, 2, 3.” Model with your own hands.
We Want
Child squeezes the ball for about 3 counts.
Parent: Say, “Strong squeeze.” Keep your face and voice relaxed.
Child May
Child throws the ball, squeezes for a long time, or refuses.
Parent: If thrown, calmly retrieve it only if safe and say, “Ball is for squeezing.” If the child refuses, model once and end the round.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Now let go. Put the ball on the mat. Hands rest on your lap or tummy.”
We Want
Child releases the ball and puts hands on own body/lap for 1–2 seconds.
Parent: Say, “Squeeze, let go, hands rest. You did the whole plan.”
Child May
Child keeps holding the ball but remains safe.
Parent: Do not pull it away. Say, “When you are ready, ball goes on the mat.” Wait briefly, then end if needed.
Reset / Repeat
One round = squeeze 3 counts → release → hands rest. Do 2–3 rounds, then put the ball away.
Some tantrums begin when a child cannot make something work. The parent creates a very small, solvable problem by putting a preferred toy in a container the child cannot easily open. The parent then makes HELP work immediately. This teaches that asking for help can solve the problem before the frustration becomes much bigger.
Materials
HELP card; clear lidded container; preferred toy that fits inside.
Set up
Put the toy inside the closed container. Give the container to the child. Put HELP beside the child. Sit close enough to assist.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Try to open it.” Let the child try for only 2–3 seconds.
We Want
Child tries briefly and keeps body safe.
Parent: Say, “This is hard. You can ask for HELP.” Point to HELP.
Child May
Child begins banging, throwing, screaming, or becoming very upset.
Parent: Take the container only if needed for safety. Say, “I will keep it safe. Show HELP when you are ready.” Do not continue the frustration.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Show HELP.”
We Want
Child points to HELP, says “help,” or hands the card to the parent.
Parent: Immediately say, “Yes. HELP worked.” Open the box and give the toy.
Child May
Child looks at the parent or pushes the box toward the parent but does not use the card.
Parent: Treat that as communication. Say, “You want help.” Help the child touch HELP once, then open the box immediately.
Reset / Repeat
One round = small problem → HELP → parent solves problem. Do 2 rounds. Keep the problem easy enough that the child can succeed.
BREAK is not a punishment or isolation. It means a short, supported pause from a difficult activity. The child practices moving with the parent to a nearby calm space for a very short time and then deciding whether to return. Practicing while calm makes the routine familiar before it is needed.
Materials
BREAK card; CALM SPACE or a quiet nearby chair/mat; one preferred table activity.
Set up
Set up a normal activity at the table. Place BREAK beside the activity. Choose a calm space only a few steps away and keep the parent with the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: After 20–30 seconds of easy play, say, “Let us practice BREAK.” Show BREAK and walk with the child to the calm space.
We Want
Child moves with the parent to the calm space.
Parent: Say, “BREAK means a short pause. I stay with you.” Stay for about 10 seconds.
Child May
Child refuses to move but remains safe.
Parent: Do not pull the child. Bring the BREAK card closer and say, “We can practice right here.” Pause the activity for 5–10 seconds at the table.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the short pause, say, “Return or all done?” Offer the activity again without pressure.
We Want
Child returns or indicates all done.
Parent: Honor either safe choice. Say, “You took a break and then chose.”
Child May
Child becomes more upset during the break.
Parent: Stop teaching. Reduce talking and help the child regulate using known supports. Do not insist on returning.
Reset / Repeat
One round = brief activity → BREAK → 10-second supported pause → return or all done. Practice once or twice.
When a child is already frustrated, too many adult words and too many choices can make things harder. This activity teaches the child to choose between only TWO familiar calming actions. The parent keeps the choices the same at first so the child learns the routine quickly.
Materials
CALM CHOICE card; SQUEEZE card and ball; BREATHE card and feather.
Set up
Put CALM CHOICE at the top. Put SQUEEZE with the ball on one side and BREATHE with the feather on the other side.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “When your body is upset, choose ONE: squeeze or breathe.” Point to each choice once.
We Want
Child points to or reaches for one choice.
Parent: Say, “You chose ___.” Immediately do that action together for a few seconds.
Child May
Child reaches for both or changes choices repeatedly.
Parent: Gently reduce to one available choice. Say, “We will do SQUEEZE this time.” Keep it short.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the chosen action, say, “Check your body. More or done?”
We Want
Child indicates more/done or simply remains safely engaged.
Parent: Follow the child’s signal. Say, “You used a calming action.”
Child May
Child says no, walks away, or no longer wants to practice.
Parent: Accept that. Say, “All done.” The child does not need to appear calm to complete the activity.
Reset / Repeat
One round = choose one action → do it briefly → more or done. Do 1–2 rounds.
Some tantrums happen when a preferred activity ends suddenly. This activity makes the ending predictable. The child hears “one more turn,” completes exactly one final action, then moves to an easy next activity with the parent. Predictable endings reduce surprise and give the child a small, reachable transition step.
Materials
ONE MORE TURN card; ALL DONE card; preferred toy; easy next activity such as a book or puzzle.
Set up
Child is playing with the preferred toy. Keep the next activity visible nearby. Put ONE MORE TURN and ALL DONE within reach.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show ONE MORE TURN. Say, “One more turn with the car. Drive it one time.”
We Want
Child completes one final action with the toy.
Parent: Say, “That was your one more turn.” Then show ALL DONE.
Child May
Child keeps playing or says no but remains safe.
Parent: Repeat only once: “One more turn.” Help define the turn very clearly, such as one car trip or one block. Do not argue.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show ALL DONE. Say, “Car is all done. Now we go to the book.” Move with the child to the next activity.
We Want
Child releases the toy and moves with support, even if disappointed or crying.
Parent: Say, “You moved after all done.” Start the next easy activity quickly.
Child May
Child begins a severe tantrum or cannot release the toy safely.
Parent: Do not turn this into a power struggle. Keep everyone safe, reduce language, and try a smaller ending practice later.
Reset / Repeat
One round = ONE MORE TURN → one clearly defined action → ALL DONE → easy next activity. Practice once per session.
Real-Routine Practice – One Tantrum-Prevention Skill
The parent chooses ONE real routine where tantrums often begin and ONE skill the child already practiced successfully, such as HELP, BREAK, SQUEEZE, or BREATHE. Using only one skill keeps the goal small and matches the ZPD approach: one reachable step practiced repeatedly in the real situation.
Materials
One chosen activity card; tracking sheet; materials for the real routine.
Set up
Choose a short real routine. Pick ONE card only. Decide what early sign the parent will watch for, such as tense body, repeated “no,” grabbing, or voice getting louder.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine starts, show the one card and practice the action once.
We Want
Child tries the chosen action once while calm.
Parent: Say, “That is our plan for today.” Begin the routine.
Child May
Child refuses to practice.
Parent: Model the action once. Do not insist. Begin the routine only if it can be done safely.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first early sign of frustration, show the card once and use very few words.
We Want
Child uses or attempts the chosen action before the tantrum becomes very intense.
Parent: Respond immediately so the skill works: provide HELP, allow BREAK, hand over SQUEEZE, or breathe together.
Child May
Child is already in a full tantrum and cannot practice.
Parent: Stop teaching the skill. Focus on safety and co-regulation. Practice again later when calm.
Reset / Repeat
The whole routine is one daily practice. Record the 0–3 rating afterward. Keep the same skill for several days before changing it.
Behavior 7: Screaming / Prolonged Crying When Frustrated
7
Emotional Regulation
Screaming / Prolonged Crying When Frustrated
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes its meaning and a short parent tip. The card is a visual reminder; the parent should still say and model exactly what the child can do.The child can point, touch, look clearly, or use words to show what is wanted.
Parent help: Accept simple communication; do not require a full sentence.
Behavior 7: Screaming / Prolonged Crying When Frustrated
7Screaming / Prolonged Crying When FrustratedBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
SHOW ME What You Want
The child practices communicating a want without needing a long sentence. The parent offers two visible choices and uses SHOW ME so pointing is accepted. This is helpful when screaming happens because the child cannot find words quickly enough. The goal is communication, not forcing the child to stop crying.
Materials
SHOW ME card; two familiar toys or activities.
Set up
Put two choices about 12 inches apart in front of the child. Keep SHOW ME between them. The parent sits beside or across from the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “You can SHOW ME. Which one do you want?” Point to the two choices.
We Want
Child points, touches, looks clearly toward one choice, or says its name.
Parent: Immediately say, “You showed me.” Give the chosen item.
Child May
Child screams, reaches for both, or cannot choose.
Parent: Stay calm. Move one option away so only one remains and say, “Show me this one?” If the child still cannot respond, end the choice and try later.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After about 10 seconds, take the item back with a warning and offer the two choices again.
We Want
Child communicates the choice again with less help.
Parent: Give the item right away and say, “Pointing/words helped me understand.”
Child May
Child cries when the item is taken back.
Parent: Do not prolong the upset just for practice. Return the item or end the activity. Practice again another time with a less preferred item.
Reset / Repeat
One round = two choices → child shows choice → parent gives it. Do 2–3 successful rounds.
Behavior 7: Screaming / Prolonged Crying When Frustrated
Activity 2
HELP Instead of Louder Voice
The parent creates a small problem that cannot be solved easily, such as a tightly closed container. The child learns that HELP makes the adult respond. This gives the child a faster, clearer way to communicate before screaming grows.
Materials
HELP card; clear container; preferred toy.
Set up
Put the preferred toy in the container. Give the container to the child. Place HELP where the child can touch it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Try to open it.” Let the child try for only 2–3 seconds.
We Want
Child tries and then looks toward the parent or HELP.
Parent: Say, “You need help.” Point to HELP once.
Child May
Child screams immediately or bangs the container.
Parent: Move the container to a safe spot if needed. Say, “I hear you. Show HELP.” Keep your words short.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “HELP.” Wait about 2 seconds.
We Want
Child points, says “help,” hands the card, or clearly reaches toward the parent for assistance.
Parent: Open the container immediately. Say, “HELP worked.”
Child May
Child continues crying/screaming but reaches toward the parent.
Parent: Treat the reach as communication. Say, “You are asking for help.” Open it. Do not require the child to become quiet first.
Reset / Repeat
One round = small problem → HELP communication → parent helps. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 7: Screaming / Prolonged Crying When Frustrated
Activity 3
BREAK From a Frustrating Task
Sometimes screaming or long crying continues because the child feels stuck in a task. This activity teaches that BREAK means a short pause, not punishment. The child practices asking for a break while calm so the parent can later recognize and honor the signal before frustration becomes very large.
Materials
BREAK card; simple puzzle or matching task; nearby calm chair/mat.
Set up
Put the easy task on the table. Put BREAK next to it. Choose a break spot only a few steps away where the parent stays with the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Do one easy piece together. Say, “Now practice BREAK.” Point to BREAK.
We Want
Child touches/says BREAK.
Parent: Say, “Yes. Break.” Move together to the break spot for about 10 seconds.
Child May
Child does not use the card or says “no.”
Parent: Model touching BREAK once and say, “Break means pause.” Do not force the move; pause at the table if needed.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After 10 seconds say, “Back or all done?”
We Want
Child chooses to return or be all done.
Parent: Honor the choice. Say, “You used BREAK instead of getting stuck.”
Child May
Child cries more when asked whether to return.
Parent: Remove the task and say, “All done for now.” The break should not become another demand.
Reset / Repeat
One round = easy task → BREAK → short supported pause → return or all done. Practice 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 7: Screaming / Prolonged Crying When Frustrated
Activity 4
Breathe and Then SHOW ME
When the child is frustrated, one slow exhale can create a tiny pause before communicating. The parent does not use breathing to demand silence. The child practices one breath and then immediately points to what is needed. The communication part is the main goal.
Materials
BREATHE card; feather or tissue; SHOW ME card; two familiar choices.
Set up
Put feather and BREATHE in front of the child. Put two choices nearby with SHOW ME between them.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “First one breath.” Blow the feather once and invite the child to try once.
We Want
Child attempts one soft blow.
Parent: Say, “One breath. Now SHOW ME.” Move directly to the choices.
Child May
Child does not want to breathe.
Parent: Skip breathing. Say, “Okay. SHOW ME.” Never make breathing a condition for getting help or communicating.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Point to the two choices. Say, “Show me what you need.”
We Want
Child points, looks clearly, or names one choice.
Parent: Give it immediately. Say, “You showed me.”
Child May
Child screams while pointing to the choice.
Parent: Honor the clear communication. Say, “I see your choice.” Give it. Do not require a quiet voice before responding.
Reset / Repeat
One round = optional one breath → SHOW ME → parent responds. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 7: Screaming / Prolonged Crying When Frustrated
Activity 5
Use a Calm Space Without Being Sent Away
A calm space should be a supportive low-stimulation place, not a place a child is sent for crying. The parent practices going there WITH the child, staying nearby, and leaving when the child is ready. This gives the child another option when noise or frustration becomes too much.
Materials
CALM SPACE card; nearby chair, mat, or cozy area; one simple comfort item if normally allowed.
Set up
Choose a calm space in the same supervised area. The parent remains with the child. Put CALM SPACE there.
1
Step 1 — Parent: While the child is calm, say, “This is our CALM SPACE. We can come here when things feel too big.” Walk there together.
We Want
Child walks/sits/stands in the space with parent.
Parent: Say, “I stay nearby. You do not have to be quiet here.”
Child May
Child does not want to enter the space.
Parent: Do not force it. Stand beside the space and explain it briefly. Try again another day.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Stay about 10 seconds. Then say, “Ready to go or more time?”
We Want
Child leaves or asks for more time.
Parent: Honor the choice. Say, “You chose what your body needed.”
Child May
Child becomes distressed by the space.
Parent: Leave the space immediately. Choose a different support; calm spaces are not helpful for every child.
Reset / Repeat
One round = visit calm space together → 10-second pause → child chooses leave/more. Practice once.
Behavior 7: Screaming / Prolonged Crying When Frustrated
Activity 6
Wait One Second – Then Get It
If screaming begins when the child has to wait, the first practice wait should be extremely short. The child asks or points, sees WAIT for only one second, and receives the item. Success comes before increasing the wait.
Materials
WAIT card; preferred toy; timer optional.
Set up
Parent holds the toy. WAIT is on the table. Keep the child close enough to see the toy but not so close that grabbing is likely.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Let the child indicate the toy. Show WAIT and say, “Wait...one.” Count one second.
We Want
Child pauses for about one second, even if still vocal or upset.
Parent: Immediately say, “Your turn,” and give the toy. Praise the waiting action, not silence.
Child May
Child screams or reaches while waiting.
Parent: Shorten the wait even more. Say, “Wait,” pause less than one second, then give the toy if safe. Build slowly later.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After 10 seconds with the toy, say, “One more turn, then parent.” Take it back gently and repeat the one-second wait.
We Want
Child tolerates another very short wait with support.
Parent: Give the toy back quickly. Say, “You waited.”
Child May
Child becomes much more distressed when toy is taken.
Parent: End the practice. Do not repeatedly remove a highly preferred toy just to train waiting.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child asks/indicates → WAIT 1 second → gets item. Do 2 rounds at most at first.
Behavior 7: Screaming / Prolonged Crying When Frustrated
Activity 7
Tower Falls – Ask for HELP or TRY AGAIN
A small play disappointment gives the child a chance to communicate while frustrated. The parent lets a tiny block tower fall and immediately offers two understandable actions: HELP or TRY AGAIN. The parent accepts crying while teaching a next step.
Materials
Three large blocks; HELP card; TRY AGAIN card.
Set up
Build a simple 3-block tower with the child. Put HELP and TRY AGAIN beside it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Gently let the tower fall. Say, “Oh no. It fell.” Wait one second.
We Want
Child looks at the blocks or parent and remains physically safe.
Parent: Say, “You can be upset. Choose HELP or TRY AGAIN.”
Child May
Child cries or screams.
Parent: Stay calm. Do not say “stop crying.” Put the two cards in view and wait briefly. If the child is too upset, rebuild for them and end the practice.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Point to HELP and TRY AGAIN. Say, “Which one?”
We Want
Child chooses one.
Parent: For HELP, rebuild together. For TRY AGAIN, hand the first block to the child. Say, “You chose what to do next.”
Child May
Child throws blocks or cannot choose.
Parent: Remove blocks for safety. Say, “We are all done with blocks for now.” Try again another day with a smaller frustration.
Reset / Repeat
One round = tower falls → choose HELP or TRY AGAIN → parent supports choice. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 7: Screaming / Prolonged Crying When Frustrated
Activity 8
Real-Routine Practice – One Communication Goal
Choose one real situation where screaming or long crying often starts and one communication action the child already knows, such as SHOW ME, HELP, BREAK, or WAIT. The parent prompts the skill at the first sign of frustration. The goal is not to eliminate crying; the goal is to help the child communicate earlier and recover more easily.
Materials
One chosen card; tracking sheet; normal routine materials.
Set up
Choose one short routine and one card only. Decide the first early sign to watch for, such as repeated reaching, tense face, or voice becoming louder.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show the chosen card and practice it once.
We Want
Child points/says/uses the chosen action once.
Parent: Say, “That is how you can tell me.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child refuses.
Parent: Model once and continue without forcing.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first early sign, show the card once. Keep language short.
We Want
Child uses or attempts the communication while still upset.
Parent: Respond to the message immediately. Do not require silence before helping.
Child May
Child is already overwhelmed and cannot use the skill.
Parent: Stop prompting. Focus on safety, connection, and calming. Practice later while calm.
Reset / Repeat
The real routine is one daily practice. Record the 0–3 rating afterward and keep the same communication goal for several days.
Behavior 8: Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming Upset
8
Emotional Regulation
Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming Upset
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes its meaning and a short parent tip. The card is a visual reminder; the parent should still say and model exactly what the child can do.One slow exhale, often using a feather or tissue so the child can see the breath.
Parent help: Invite only 1–3 breaths. Breathing is optional, not a demand to stop crying.
Behavior 8: Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming Upset
8Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming UpsetBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
Choose One Calming Tool
The child learns that calming is not one specific behavior. Different bodies need different supports. The parent presents only two familiar choices so the child is not overwhelmed: for example SQUEEZE or BREATHE. The child practices making a choice while already calm.
Materials
CALM CHOICE card; SQUEEZE card and ball; BREATHE card and feather.
Set up
Put CALM CHOICE above two options: SQUEEZE on one side and BREATHE on the other.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “When your body is upset, you can choose one. Squeeze or breathe?”
We Want
Child points to or reaches for one choice.
Parent: Name the choice and do it together immediately.
Child May
Child chooses both, changes repeatedly, or does not choose.
Parent: Reduce to one option and model it. The goal is familiarity, not testing decision-making.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After 5–10 seconds, say, “More or done?”
We Want
Child indicates more/done or simply stops participating safely.
Parent: Honor the signal. Say, “You used a calming tool.”
Child May
Child walks away.
Parent: Accept that as all done. Do not chase the child with the calming activity.
Reset / Repeat
One round = choose → do the calming action briefly → more/done. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 8: Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming Upset
Activity 2
One Slow Breath With a Feather
The child practices one visible, concrete breathing action. Moving a feather is easier to understand than the abstract instruction “calm down.” The parent uses only a few breaths so breathing itself does not become a demand.
Materials
BREATHE card; feather, tissue, or cotton ball.
Set up
Sit near the child with the feather on a table. Put BREATHE beside it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Watch one slow breath.” Blow the feather gently.
We Want
Child watches or imitates.
Parent: Say, “That is one breath.”
Child May
Child blows hard, spits, or laughs.
Parent: Keep it playful. Move the feather farther away and model a softer blow. Stop if it becomes dysregulating.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Your turn – one breath.”
We Want
Child attempts one exhale.
Parent: Say, “You practiced a breath.” End successfully or offer one more.
Child May
Child refuses.
Parent: Say, “Okay.” End. Breathing is one option, not a required calming method.
Behavior 8: Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming Upset
Activity 3
Squeeze – Release – Check Body
Strong muscle work can help some children organize their body. The child squeezes a soft object briefly, releases it, and then notices whether more squeezing is wanted. The parent teaches the sequence while calm so it can later be offered early in frustration.
Materials
SQUEEZE card; soft squeeze ball or small pillow.
Set up
Sit beside the child. Put the squeeze item in front of them with SQUEEZE.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Squeeze with me: 1, 2, 3.”
We Want
Child squeezes for about three counts.
Parent: Say, “Strong squeeze.”
Child May
Child throws the item or squeezes it toward another person.
Parent: Move people away and say, “Squeeze stays with your hands.” If needed, end the activity.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Release. More or done?”
We Want
Child releases and indicates more/done.
Parent: Follow the choice. Say, “You checked your body.”
Child May
Child keeps squeezing safely.
Parent: Allow a little more time, then ask again. Do not pry the item away unless safety requires it.
Reset / Repeat
One round = squeeze 3 → release → more/done. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 8: Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming Upset
Activity 4
Push the Wall – Then Stop
Some children calm more easily with strong pushing than with sitting still. The wall gives the body a safe place for strong pressure. The child practices pushing for a few counts and then stopping. This teaches both a safe body outlet and an ending cue.
Materials
PUSH WALL card; clear wall space.
Set up
Use a clear wall area with no shelves or sharp objects. Parent stands beside the child, not in front.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show PUSH WALL. Put both palms on the wall. Say, “Push...1, 2, 3.”
We Want
Child puts hands on wall and pushes.
Parent: Say, “Strong work on the wall.”
Child May
Child pushes the parent, hits wall, or becomes unsafe.
Parent: Step out of reach. Say, “Wall push only.” If unsafe behavior continues, stop the activity.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Stop. Hands down.” Step back from the wall.
We Want
Child stops and moves hands away from the wall.
Parent: Say, “You pushed and stopped.”
Child May
Child wants to keep pushing safely.
Parent: Allow one more 3-count push, then repeat the stop cue.
Reset / Repeat
One round = push 3 counts → stop → step back. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 8: Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming Upset
Activity 5
BREAK – Pause – Return
Children who have difficulty calming may need a short reduction in demands before they can rejoin. The child practices taking a supported BREAK and then returning to an easy activity. The break is not earned by being calm and is not used as punishment.
Materials
BREAK card; nearby calm space; easy activity.
Set up
Place BREAK near an easy table activity. Choose a supervised pause space only a few steps away.
1
Step 1 — Parent: After a short period of play say, “Practice BREAK.” Show BREAK and move together to the pause space.
We Want
Child moves with parent or pauses in place.
Parent: Say, “Break means less work for a little bit. I stay nearby.”
Child May
Child refuses to move.
Parent: Pause the activity where you are. Do not physically move the child.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After about 10 seconds say, “Return or more break?”
We Want
Child indicates a choice.
Parent: Honor it. If returning, restart with an easy step.
Child May
Child becomes more upset.
Parent: Reduce language and demands. Do not require return until the child is ready and safe.
Reset / Repeat
One round = activity → BREAK → short pause → return/more. Practice once or twice.
Behavior 8: Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming Upset
Activity 6
Count 1 to 5 With the Parent
Counting gives the child and parent a short shared rhythm. It is not a command to “calm down by five.” The goal is simply to pause together for a few seconds while the adult stays connected and predictable.
Materials
COUNT 5 card; five counters or fingers optional.
Set up
Sit or stand beside the child. Put COUNT 5 where both can see it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Let us count together slowly.” Point to numbers or fingers: “1...2...3...4...5.”
We Want
Child watches, joins some numbers, or stays beside parent.
Parent: Say, “We took five slow counts together.”
Child May
Child counts fast, skips numbers, or does not join.
Parent: That is okay. Keep your own count slow and finish once. Do not correct the child.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Done counting. Choose what is next: squeeze, break, or go back.” Offer no more than two choices.
We Want
Child chooses or safely moves toward one next action.
Parent: Support the chosen next step.
Child May
Child cannot choose.
Parent: Choose the easiest support for them and say, “I will help you with a break.”
Reset / Repeat
One round = slow count to 5 → one next action. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 8: Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming Upset
Activity 7
Co-Regulation – Copy My Slow Body
Young children often calm through another person before they can calm independently. In this activity the parent models a slower body: relaxed shoulders, hands on own lap, and a slower voice. The child is invited to copy only one part. This teaches that the parent can help organize the moment without demanding silence or stillness.
Materials
SAFE BODY card; chair or floor spot.
Set up
Sit beside the child, not directly in front. Keep SAFE BODY visible. No other materials are needed.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Watch my body.” Put your own hands on your lap and lower your shoulders. Pause 2 seconds.
We Want
Child watches or copies any part of the posture.
Parent: Say, “You noticed my slow body.”
Child May
Child keeps moving, crying, or does not copy.
Parent: Do not correct. Say, “You do not have to copy. I will stay slow with you.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Offer one simple invitation: “Hands on lap, or hands on tummy?”
We Want
Child chooses one safe hand position or remains safely nearby.
Parent: Say, “That works. I am here.”
Child May
Child rejects both choices.
Parent: Drop the demand. Continue calm adult presence; co-regulation does not require imitation.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent models slow body → one optional child action. Practice for less than a minute.
Behavior 8: Difficulty Calming Down After Becoming Upset
Activity 8
Real-Routine Practice – One Calming Action
Choose one real situation where the child often has trouble recovering and one calming action the child already accepts. The parent offers it early, before the child is fully overwhelmed. Repeating one familiar action is more useful than introducing many techniques during distress.
Materials
One chosen card; tracking sheet; normal routine materials.
Set up
Choose a short routine and one card only: BREATHE, SQUEEZE, PUSH WALL, BREAK, COUNT 5, or another proven support.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, practice the chosen action once.
We Want
Child attempts it while calm.
Parent: Say, “This is our body plan today.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child refuses.
Parent: Model once and do not insist.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first sign the child is having trouble recovering, show the card once and offer the action.
We Want
Child accepts or attempts the action before becoming fully overwhelmed.
Parent: Do it together and reduce the demand if possible.
Child May
Child is too upset to use the action.
Parent: Stop teaching. Use familiar co-regulation and safety supports. Practice later.
Reset / Repeat
The routine is one daily practice. Rate 0–3 afterward and keep the same calming action for several days.
Behavior 9: Big Reactions to Small Disappointments
9
Emotional Regulation
Big Reactions to Small Disappointments
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Behavior 9: Big Reactions to Small Disappointments
9Big Reactions to Small DisappointmentsBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
Small Problem – Two Choices
The parent creates a tiny, safe disappointment, such as the preferred crayon being unavailable, and immediately offers two acceptable alternatives. The child practices noticing that a small problem can have another solution. The disappointment is deliberately mild so the child can succeed.
Materials
SMALL PROBLEM card; preferred crayon/color; two acceptable alternative crayons.
Set up
Keep the preferred color out of sight. Put two alternative colors on the table. Put SMALL PROBLEM beside them.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Blue is not here today. That is a SMALL PROBLEM.” Show the card.
We Want
Child notices the change and remains safe, even if disappointed.
Parent: Say, “You can be disappointed. We can choose another.”
Child May
Child cries, says no, or asks repeatedly for blue.
Parent: Acknowledge once: “You wanted blue.” Do not argue. Keep the two alternatives visible.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Choose red or green.” Point to only the two alternatives.
We Want
Child chooses one or indicates all done.
Parent: Honor the choice. Say, “You solved a small problem.”
Child May
Child cannot choose and becomes more upset.
Parent: End the practice and bring back an easy activity. Do not keep withholding the preferred item to create distress.
Reset / Repeat
One round = small disappointment → two choices → choose or all done. Practice 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 9: Big Reactions to Small Disappointments
Activity 2
Tower Falls – TRY AGAIN
A block tower falling is a natural, low-stakes disappointment. The parent names what happened, allows the feeling, then makes TRY AGAIN concrete by handing the child the first block. This reduces the thinking needed in the frustrating moment.
Materials
TRY AGAIN card; 3 large blocks.
Set up
Build a 3-block tower together. Put TRY AGAIN beside it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Gently let the tower fall. Say, “It fell. That can be disappointing.” Show TRY AGAIN.
We Want
Child looks at blocks/parent and stays safe.
Parent: Say, “We can TRY AGAIN.”
Child May
Child cries, sweeps blocks, or says no.
Parent: If blocks are safe, acknowledge: “You did not like that.” If child sweeps/throws, remove blocks and end.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Hand the child one block and say, “TRY AGAIN starts with one block.”
We Want
Child places the first block or allows parent to place it.
Parent: Say, “One block started it.” Rebuild together.
Child May
Child refuses but stays safe.
Parent: Say, “We can be all done.” Do not force persistence.
Reset / Repeat
One round = tower falls → TRY AGAIN → one first step. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 9: Big Reactions to Small Disappointments
Activity 3
Preferred Choice Is Unavailable – Choose One
The child practices flexibility when one desired option is unavailable. The parent does not simply say “no.” The parent names what is unavailable and immediately shows two choices that ARE available. This helps the child learn what to do next.
Materials
CHOOSE 1 card; one unavailable item/photo; two available alternatives.
Set up
Put two available items in view. Keep the unavailable item out of reach. Put CHOOSE 1 between the available items.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “The train is not available right now. You can choose blocks or cars.”
We Want
Child looks at the available choices or expresses disappointment safely.
Parent: Say, “You wanted the train. These are the choices now.”
Child May
Child demands the train repeatedly.
Parent: Repeat the information only once. Avoid a long explanation. Point to the two choices.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Choose one, or you can be all done.”
We Want
Child chooses an alternative or all done.
Parent: Honor it immediately.
Child May
Child becomes much more upset.
Parent: Stop the choice practice. Provide support and try later with a less preferred unavailable item.
Reset / Repeat
One round = unavailable item → two alternatives → choose or all done. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 9: Big Reactions to Small Disappointments
Activity 4
Ask for HELP When Something Goes Wrong
Some disappointments feel bigger because the child does not know how to repair the problem. The parent creates a small fixable problem, such as a puzzle piece placed upside down, and teaches HELP as a way to move forward.
Materials
HELP card; simple puzzle or shape sorter.
Set up
Set up an easy puzzle. Intentionally place one piece in a position that will not fit on the first try. Put HELP next to the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Try this piece.” Let the child try for 2–3 seconds.
We Want
Child tries and remains safe.
Parent: Say, “It is not working yet. You can ask HELP.”
Child May
Child becomes upset, throws the piece, or gives up.
Parent: If safe, pick up the piece and say, “This is frustrating. HELP can fix it.” Point to HELP.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Show HELP.”
We Want
Child points/says HELP or gives the piece to parent.
Parent: Immediately help rotate/place the piece. Say, “HELP helped us fix it.”
Child May
Child simply hands the piece to parent.
Parent: Treat that as communication. Say, “You are asking me to help.” Help immediately.
Reset / Repeat
One round = small problem → HELP → problem gets fixed. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 9: Big Reactions to Small Disappointments
Activity 5
ALL DONE With a Preferred Activity
Ending something enjoyable can feel disappointing. The parent makes the ending predictable with ALL DONE and a simple cleanup action. The next activity is easy and known. The goal is not cheerful acceptance; the goal is completing the ending without unsafe behavior.
Materials
ALL DONE card; preferred toy; basket; easy next activity.
Set up
Child plays with toy. Keep basket nearby and next activity visible. Put ALL DONE where the child can see it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Give a warning: “One more turn, then ALL DONE.” After one defined turn, show ALL DONE.
We Want
Child notices the ending cue and may show disappointment.
Parent: Say, “You wanted more. It is all done now.”
Child May
Child says no or cries.
Parent: Acknowledge once. Do not argue. Keep your voice low and move to the cleanup step.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Toy goes in basket. You can put it in, or I can help.”
We Want
Child puts toy in basket or allows parent to help, even if upset.
Parent: Say, “You finished the ending.” Move to the next easy activity.
Child May
Child cannot release toy safely.
Parent: Do not wrestle for it. Pause and use a smaller ending practice later, such as ending a less preferred toy first.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one more turn → ALL DONE → toy in basket → next easy activity. Practice once.
Behavior 9: Big Reactions to Small Disappointments
Activity 6
ONE MORE TURN Before a Change
A sudden change can feel much bigger than a predictable one. ONE MORE TURN gives the child a concrete final action before the change. The parent defines exactly what counts as one turn so the child knows when the ending will happen.
Materials
ONE MORE TURN card; preferred play material; next activity.
Set up
Child is engaged in play. Put ONE MORE TURN in view. Decide the exact final action, such as one car trip, one puzzle piece, or one block.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show ONE MORE TURN. Say, “One more car trip, then we change.”
We Want
Child completes the one defined action.
Parent: Say, “That was the one more turn.”
Child May
Child keeps playing beyond the turn.
Parent: Point to the card once and repeat the exact ending: “One car trip was the last turn.” Avoid repeated warnings.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Move to the next activity and give the child one simple job, such as carry the book.
We Want
Child moves with support, even if disappointed.
Parent: Say, “You handled the change.”
Child May
Child cannot transition safely.
Parent: Reduce the transition distance/demand and practice with a less preferred activity later.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one defined final turn → transition. Practice once per session.
Behavior 9: Big Reactions to Small Disappointments
Activity 7
Change One Tiny Part of a Familiar Activity
Children who become very upset by small changes can practice flexibility in very small doses. The parent changes only ONE minor feature of a familiar activity, such as using a different color cup or putting the puzzle on the other side of the table. The rest stays the same.
Materials
SMALL PROBLEM card; familiar activity; one small planned change.
Set up
Choose one change that is unlikely to cause major distress. Keep everything else familiar.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show the changed item and say, “Today this part is different.” Point to SMALL PROBLEM.
We Want
Child notices the difference and stays with the activity.
Parent: Say, “Different can feel strange. We can still do it.”
Child May
Child immediately rejects it.
Parent: Do not force exposure. Offer the familiar version if available and plan an even smaller change next time.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Help the child do one short action with the changed item.
We Want
Child completes one action or watches parent do it.
Parent: Say, “You tried one different thing.” Then return to normal activity.
Child May
Child becomes increasingly upset.
Parent: Stop the change. The ZPD step was too large; use a smaller difference next time.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one tiny change → one action → return to familiar routine. Practice once.
Behavior 9: Big Reactions to Small Disappointments
Activity 8
Real-Routine Practice – One Flexible Response
Choose one real routine where small disappointments often lead to a large reaction and one flexible response the child has already practiced, such as TRY AGAIN, HELP, CHOOSE 1, ALL DONE, or ONE MORE TURN. The parent uses the same response repeatedly so the child does not have to learn a new strategy each day.
Materials
One chosen card; tracking sheet; routine materials.
Set up
Choose one routine and one card. Decide what small disappointment is likely to happen naturally. Do not create a major disappointment just for practice.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show and practice the chosen response once.
We Want
Child attempts the response while calm.
Parent: Say, “This is our plan if something changes.”
Child May
Child refuses.
Parent: Model once; do not insist.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When the real small disappointment occurs, show the card once.
We Want
Child uses or attempts the chosen response.
Parent: Make it useful immediately: help, offer the alternative, allow try again, or complete the ending.
Child May
Child is overwhelmed.
Parent: Stop teaching and support regulation. Try a smaller ZPD step later.
Reset / Repeat
The routine is one daily practice. Record 0–3 afterward and keep the same flexible response for several days.
Behavior 10: Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is Wanted
10
Emotional Regulation
Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is Wanted
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
This Card is Used in Activities: 1, 7, 10, 16, 17, 27
Each card includes its meaning and a short parent tip. The card is a visual reminder; the parent should still say and model exactly what the child can do.A short pause before something happens.
Parent help: Start with a wait the child can succeed with, even less than one second, then build slowly.
Behavior 10: Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is Wanted
10Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is WantedBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
MY TURN – One-Second WAIT
The child practices asking for a desired toy and waiting for an extremely short time before receiving it. The wait begins at only one second so the child experiences success. The parent increases time only after the child can handle the current step.
Materials
MY TURN card; WAIT card; preferred toy.
Set up
Parent holds the toy. Put MY TURN and WAIT on the table between parent and child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Ask MY TURN.” Point to MY TURN.
We Want
Child says/points MY TURN or clearly requests the toy.
Parent: Say, “Yes. Your turn is coming.”
Child May
Child grabs or reaches without asking.
Parent: Move toy close to your body. Say, “Show MY TURN.” Prompt once.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show WAIT. Say, “Wait...one.” Pause one second, then give the toy.
We Want
Child pauses for about one second with safe body.
Parent: Immediately say, “Your turn,” and give the toy.
Child May
Child cannot wait one second safely.
Parent: Make the wait shorter than one second and give the toy after the smallest successful pause. Build later.
Reset / Repeat
One round = MY TURN → very short WAIT → toy. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 10: Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is Wanted
Activity 2
NOT YET – Then Timer
“No” can feel final and confusing. NOT YET tells the child that the desired item/activity is coming later, and the timer makes “later” visible. The parent starts with a very short timer so the child learns that the signal is trustworthy.
Materials
NOT YET card; TIMER card or visual timer; preferred toy.
Set up
Keep preferred toy visible but with parent. Set timer for 5 seconds or less at first. Put NOT YET and TIMER together.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Child requests toy. Show NOT YET and say, “Not yet. Timer first.” Start the short timer.
We Want
Child looks at timer or waits with support, even if disappointed.
Parent: Say, “You are waiting. The timer will tell us.”
Child May
Child grabs, cries, or repeatedly asks.
Parent: Acknowledge once: “You want it.” Keep the timer short. Do not restart the timer because the child protested.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When timer ends, immediately say, “Timer is done. Now yes.” Give the toy.
We Want
Child receives toy safely.
Parent: Say, “NOT YET changed to now.”
Child May
Child is still upset when timer ends.
Parent: Still honor the timer if safe. Give the item; do not require calmness before keeping your promise.
Reset / Repeat
One round = NOT YET → short timer → item becomes available. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 10: Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is Wanted
Activity 3
FIRST–THEN With an Easy First Step
FIRST–THEN helps the child see that a small nonpreferred step comes before a preferred activity. The “first” task must be very small at the beginning. This is not about making the child earn basic needs; use it only with ordinary household tasks and preferred activities.
Materials
FIRST–THEN card; one easy household task; preferred activity.
Set up
Choose a first task the child can do in 5–15 seconds, such as put one block in the bin. Have the preferred “then” activity ready.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show FIRST–THEN. Say, “FIRST one block in the bin. THEN bubbles.” Point to each part.
We Want
Child looks at the visual or begins the one small first task.
Parent: Say, “One block, then bubbles.” Keep language short.
Child May
Child refuses or says no.
Parent: Reduce the first task further: “Touch the block, then bubbles,” or choose an easier step. Do not escalate the demand.
2
Step 2 — Parent: As soon as the first step is finished, immediately give the THEN activity.
We Want
Child experiences that completing FIRST leads to THEN.
Parent: Say, “First is done. Now THEN.”
Child May
Parent is tempted to add more work because child did well.
Parent: Do not add extra steps. Keep the promise exactly as shown so the child learns to trust the visual.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one tiny FIRST step → immediate THEN. Do 1–3 rounds with very easy first steps.
Behavior 10: Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is Wanted
Activity 4
NO – Then Two Available Choices
Sometimes the correct answer really is no. The parent gives one clear “no” and then immediately shows what IS available. Two choices prevent a long verbal argument and give the child an action they can take next.
Materials
CHOOSE 1 card; two acceptable alternatives; unavailable item kept away.
Set up
Have two acceptable options ready. Use ordinary toys/activities, not food, toileting, comfort, or other basic needs.
1
Step 1 — Parent: When child asks for unavailable item, say once, “No, that is not available.” Then point to CHOOSE 1.
We Want
Child hears the limit and looks toward alternatives, even if disappointed.
Parent: Say, “You can choose A or B.”
Child May
Child repeats the request, says no, cries, or protests.
Parent: Acknowledge once: “You really wanted it.” Do not repeat a long explanation. Keep choices visible.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Offer the two alternatives and wait a few seconds.
We Want
Child chooses one or chooses all done.
Parent: Honor it immediately.
Child May
Child becomes more upset and cannot choose.
Parent: Stop presenting choices. Support regulation and revisit later. The limit can remain without continuing the lesson.
Reset / Repeat
One round = clear NO → two available choices → choose/all done. Practice only with low-stakes everyday wants.
Behavior 10: Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is Wanted
Activity 5
ONE MORE TURN – Then ALL DONE
When the answer becomes “no more,” the child may need a predictable ending rather than an abrupt stop. The parent gives exactly one final turn, names when it is finished, and then follows through. This is useful only when one more turn is truly available.
Materials
ONE MORE TURN card; ALL DONE card; preferred activity.
Set up
Decide exactly what one turn means before speaking: one car trip, one slide, one puzzle piece, etc.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show ONE MORE TURN and say, “One more slide, then all done.”
We Want
Child completes the one final turn.
Parent: Say, “That was the one more turn.” Show ALL DONE.
Child May
Child tries to start another turn.
Parent: Block only if needed for safety and say once, “One more turn is finished.” Avoid bargaining for several extra turns.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Move toward the next activity and offer one simple transition job.
We Want
Child leaves the activity with support, even if upset.
Parent: Say, “You finished after one more turn.”
Child May
Child cannot transition safely.
Parent: Use more support and practice with a smaller/easier ending next time. Do not turn it into a prolonged argument.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one final turn → ALL DONE → transition. Practice once.
Behavior 10: Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is Wanted
Activity 6
Wait With a Small Job
Waiting is easier when the child has something concrete to do. The parent gives a very short “waiting job,” such as holding the WAIT card, placing one counter in a cup, or counting two fingers. The job does not distract forever; it simply fills a few seconds.
Materials
WAIT card; two counters and small cup; preferred item.
Set up
Parent has the preferred item. Put two counters and cup in front of child with WAIT.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “WAIT. Put these two counters in the cup.”
We Want
Child places one or two counters while waiting.
Parent: Say, “Your waiting job is almost done.”
Child May
Child ignores counters and reaches for item.
Parent: Shorten the job to one counter. Help place it if accepted. Keep the wait very short.
2
Step 2 — Parent: As soon as the waiting job is finished, give the item.
We Want
Child receives item after completing the tiny waiting interval.
Parent: Say, “You waited while you did your job.”
Child May
Child finishes but item is not ready yet.
Parent: Do not secretly extend the wait. Either provide the item as promised or use a timer next time that accurately shows the real wait.
Reset / Repeat
One round = WAIT → tiny waiting job → item. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 10: Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is Wanted
Activity 7
Return the Toy – Then Get It Back
Some children struggle when a turn ends because giving the toy back feels like losing it permanently. This activity teaches a quick back-and-forth exchange. The child returns the toy for only a second and then gets it back, building trust before longer turn-taking.
Materials
Preferred toy; MY TURN card; WAIT card.
Set up
Child starts with toy for about 10 seconds. Parent sits nearby with open hands, not grabbing.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Parent turn for one second, then back to you.” Hold out your hand.
We Want
Child gives or places toy in parent’s hand.
Parent: Say, “Thank you. Parent turn.” Hold it only one second.
Child May
Child holds tightly or says no.
Parent: Do not pull. Say, “Not ready. We will try later.” End rather than creating a struggle.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After one second, say, “Your turn,” and give toy back.
We Want
Child receives toy and learns that returning it did not mean losing it.
Parent: Say, “You gave it back and got it again.”
Child May
Child grabs before one second ends.
Parent: Shorten the parent turn even more next time. The first goal is trust, not a long wait.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child has toy → gives to parent briefly → gets it back. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 10: Difficulty Accepting No / Waiting / Not Getting What Is Wanted
Activity 8
Real-Routine Practice – One Waiting/Limit Skill
Choose one real routine where “no,” waiting, or not getting a preferred item often becomes difficult. Pick ONE skill the child already knows: WAIT, NOT YET + TIMER, FIRST–THEN, CHOOSE 1, MY TURN, or ONE MORE TURN. One repeated skill is easier to learn than changing strategies every day.
Materials
One chosen card; tracking sheet; real routine materials.
Set up
Choose one short routine and one card/visual only. Make sure the limit is reasonable and does not involve withholding basic needs.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, practice the chosen skill once while calm.
We Want
Child attempts the skill once.
Parent: Say, “This is our plan today.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child refuses.
Parent: Model once. Do not force practice.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When the wait or limit happens, show the same card and follow through exactly as practiced.
We Want
Child uses or attempts the skill, even if disappointed.
Parent: Make the visual trustworthy: honor timer, give the promised turn, provide the shown choice, or complete THEN.
Child May
Child becomes fully overwhelmed.
Parent: Stop teaching and support regulation. Keep the reasonable limit if necessary, but do not continue repeated prompting during crisis.
Reset / Repeat
The routine is one daily practice. Record 0–3 afterward. Keep the same skill for several days before increasing the wait or changing the goal.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
11Not Responding to Parent DirectionsBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
Name – Pause – One Step
This activity teaches the child how to respond to one short direction without the parent repeating it many times. The parent gets the child’s attention by using the child’s name and moving close enough to be heard, but does not require eye contact. The direction contains only one action. A short pause gives the child time to process before the parent helps.
Materials
ONE STEP card; one familiar toy; small basket.
Set up
Sit or stand near the child. Put the toy within reach and the basket about 1 foot away. Put ONE STEP where the child can see it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say the child’s name once. Pause about 1 second. Then say, “Put the block in the basket.” Point to ONE STEP.
We Want
Child begins the one action within about 3–5 seconds, even if the child does not look at the parent.
Parent: Say, “You heard one step.” Let the child finish without adding more words.
Child May
Child keeps playing, looks away, or does nothing.
Parent: Do not repeat the whole direction immediately. Wait 3–5 seconds. Then point to the basket and say only, “Block in basket.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: If the child still does not start, model the action with a second block: “Watch. Block in basket.” Then give the child another block.
We Want
Child copies the action or allows the parent to help start it.
Parent: Say, “That is the step.” End after one successful action.
Child May
Child resists or becomes upset.
Parent: Stop the practice. The step may be too hard or the timing may be poor. Try later with an easier action.
Reset / Repeat
One round = name → one direction → wait → visual/model only if needed. Do 2–3 rounds with different easy actions.
Some children understand a direction better when they can see it. The parent pairs one short sentence with a clear point or demonstration. The goal is not to make the child obey faster; it is to reduce the amount of language the child must process and make the expected action obvious.
Materials
SHOW ME card; two familiar objects; basket or shelf.
Set up
Put one object near the child and the basket/shelf in view. Put SHOW ME beside the parent.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Car goes here.” Point clearly to the basket or shelf. Show SHOW ME.
We Want
Child looks toward the place, moves the car, or starts the action.
Parent: Say, “Yes, here.” Keep pointing until the child finishes.
Child May
Child looks at the parent but does not move the object.
Parent: Keep words short. Point again and move your own empty hand toward the location as a model.
2
Step 2 — Parent: On the next round, use a different familiar object and say one short direction only.
We Want
Child completes the action with less help than the first round.
Parent: Say, “You followed the picture and point.”
Child May
Child needs the same amount of help again.
Parent: That is okay. Keep the visual support. The goal is successful understanding, not removing help quickly.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one short direction + one visual clue → child acts. Do 2–3 rounds.
A direction can be easier when the parent starts the action together with the child. In this activity, the parent models the first movement and invites the child to copy. After success, the parent gradually does less. This gives the child a clear example instead of repeated verbal reminders.
Materials
ONE STEP card; 4 blocks; basket.
Set up
Put four blocks on the table and the basket next to them. Parent and child sit side by side.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Blocks in basket. Do it with me.” Put one parent block in the basket slowly.
We Want
Child copies by putting one block in.
Parent: Say, “You did the same step.” Pause and let the child take the next block.
Child May
Child watches but does not copy.
Parent: Hand the child one block and point to the basket. Say only, “In.” Do not repeat a long sentence.
2
Step 2 — Parent: For the next block, keep your hands still and say, “Your turn: block in basket.”
We Want
Child does the action with less parent movement.
Parent: Say, “You did it yourself.” End or do one more block.
Child May
Child waits for the parent to do it again.
Parent: Model one more time. The child may need several practices before the model can fade.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent models one action → child copies → parent reduces help. Do 2 rounds.
This activity gives the child a clear reason and sequence for a direction. FIRST is one very small everyday action; THEN is something the child already likes. The parent delivers THEN immediately after the first step so the visual is trustworthy. This is for ordinary household tasks, not food, toileting, comfort, or other basic needs.
Materials
FIRST–THEN card; one easy task item; brief preferred activity.
Set up
Choose an easy direction such as “put one crayon in the box.” Have the preferred activity ready and visible.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show FIRST–THEN. Say, “First one crayon in. Then bubbles.” Point to the crayon and box.
We Want
Child completes the one small direction.
Parent: Immediately say, “First is done. Now bubbles.” Give 10–20 seconds of the promised activity.
Child May
Child reaches for the preferred activity first.
Parent: Keep it visible but out of reach. Repeat only the short sequence once: “First crayon, then bubbles.” Point; do not lecture.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Repeat with the same first step one more time only if the child is willing.
We Want
Child begins the first step with less prompting.
Parent: Deliver THEN immediately again.
Child May
Child becomes upset or refuses.
Parent: End the practice. Make the FIRST step smaller next time.
Reset / Repeat
One round = FIRST one easy action → THEN immediately. Do 1–2 rounds.
Some children start a direction but stop halfway or move to something else. CHECK gives the child a simple finish point. The parent asks the child to look at the result, not to remember a long instruction. The child learns that a direction has a clear beginning and end.
Materials
CHECK card; 3 puzzle pieces or 3 blocks; small container.
Set up
Place one item outside the container and the rest already inside. Put CHECK next to the container.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Put this one in.” Wait while the child acts.
We Want
Child puts the item in the container.
Parent: Show CHECK and say, “Check. Is it in?” Let the child look.
Child May
Child starts but drops the item somewhere else.
Parent: Point to the container and say, “Check where it goes.” Give one chance to correct it.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When the item is correctly in place, touch CHECK and say, “Finished.”
We Want
Child pauses and notices the completed result.
Parent: Say, “One step is finished.” End the round.
Child May
Child immediately runs to the next activity.
Parent: That is okay if the step is complete. The CHECK is a teaching support, not a requirement to stay.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one step → CHECK → finished. Do 2–3 easy rounds.
A child may ignore a direction because the task is confusing or physically difficult. This activity teaches the child to ask HELP instead of avoiding, freezing, or waiting for repeated reminders. The parent responds immediately so asking for help becomes useful.
Materials
HELP card; container with a snug lid; 2 toy pieces.
Set up
Put the toys inside the container. Give it to the child. Put HELP beside the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Open the box and put one toy on the table.” Let the child try for only 2–3 seconds.
We Want
Child tries and stays engaged.
Parent: Say, “This part is hard. You can ask HELP.” Point to HELP.
Child May
Child stops, walks away, or pushes the box away.
Parent: Accept that as information. Bring the box closer to yourself and say, “Need help? Show HELP.” Do not chase the child.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When the child points/says HELP, open the lid partway and hand the box back.
We Want
Child uses HELP and then completes the one direction.
Parent: Say, “HELP made the direction easier.”
Child May
Child gives the box to parent without using the card.
Parent: Treat it as communication. Say, “You are asking me to help.” Help immediately, then briefly show HELP.
Reset / Repeat
One round = hard direction → HELP → parent assists → child completes one step. Do 2 rounds.
The child practices listening to short directions during a playful game rather than only during cleanup or demands. This helps separate the skill of understanding a direction from the stress of a difficult routine. Directions are fun, brief, and physically safe.
Materials
ONE STEP card; beanbag; small hoop or basket.
Set up
Clear a small safe area. Put ONE STEP where the child can see it. Use actions the child can already do.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say one fun direction such as, “Clap one time,” “Touch your head,” or “Put beanbag in the hoop.”
We Want
Child attempts the one action.
Parent: Smile and say, “You followed one step.” Give the next turn only after a brief pause.
Child May
Child does a different safe action.
Parent: Say, “You did something different. Watch mine.” Model the intended action once, then invite another try.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Let the child choose or demonstrate one simple action for the parent to follow.
We Want
Child participates in the back-and-forth game.
Parent: Follow the child’s action and say, “Now I followed your direction.”
Child May
Child does not want to lead.
Parent: Skip that part. The game should stay enjoyable, not become another demand.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent gives one fun direction → child tries → optional role reversal. Do 3–5 short actions.
Choose one real everyday moment where the parent usually gives many reminders. For several days, target only ONE very specific direction in that routine. The parent uses the same short words and the same visual. This ZPD approach keeps the learning step small enough to notice progress.
Materials
ONE STEP or SHOW ME card; tracking sheet; materials from one routine.
Set up
Choose one target, such as “cup on table,” “shoes in cubby,” or “book in basket.” Decide the exact words all parents will use.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show the card and practice the target once when calm.
We Want
Child attempts the one target action.
Parent: Say, “That is our one step.” Begin the normal routine.
Child May
Child refuses the practice.
Parent: Model once and move on. Do not turn the preview into a struggle.
2
Step 2 — Parent: During the real routine, give the target direction once, wait 3–5 seconds, then use the same visual/model if needed.
We Want
Child completes the target with fewer reminders over time.
Parent: Acknowledge the specific action: “Book went in the basket.” Record the 0–3 rating.
Child May
Child still needs repeated help.
Parent: Keep the same target for several days. Do not add a second goal yet.
Reset / Repeat
The real routine is one daily practice. Track only this one direction until it improves.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
12Refusing or Resisting TransitionsBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
ONE MORE TURN – Then Move
A transition can feel abrupt when a child is enjoying play. ONE MORE TURN gives a clear final action before moving. The parent defines exactly what counts as the last turn so the child is not surprised by the ending.
Materials
ONE MORE TURN card; preferred toy/activity; next activity ready.
Set up
Choose a play activity with an obvious single turn, such as one car trip, one puzzle piece, or one slide.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show ONE MORE TURN. Say, “One more car trip, then we go to the table.” Let the child complete exactly that action.
We Want
Child completes the final turn.
Parent: Say, “That was the one more turn.” Show the destination with your hand/body.
Child May
Child keeps playing after the defined turn.
Parent: Do not offer another warning. Point to the card and say, “The car trip was the last turn.” Move to the transition step.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Now walk with me.” Move at a comfortable pace toward the next area.
We Want
Child moves with the parent, even if disappointed.
Parent: Say, “You finished play and moved.”
Child May
Child stops, sits down, or cries but stays safe.
Parent: Reduce words. Wait briefly, then offer a simple support such as carrying the card or holding a household item. Do not drag the child.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one clearly defined last turn → move to the next area. Practice once.
The child practices a very short transition between two nearby locations. FIRST–THEN makes the sequence visible: first go to the new place, then immediately begin something predictable there. The distance starts small so the child can succeed.
Materials
FIRST–THEN card; two nearby activity areas; preferred item at destination.
Set up
Choose two locations only a few steps apart. Put a familiar item at the destination.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show FIRST–THEN. Say, “First walk to the rug. Then bubbles.” Point to the rug.
We Want
Child starts moving toward the destination.
Parent: Walk beside the child and keep language minimal.
Child May
Child refuses to start.
Parent: Move the destination closer if possible. Say, “First two steps, then bubbles.” Make the transition smaller.
2
Step 2 — Parent: As soon as the child arrives, show THEN and start the promised activity.
We Want
Child experiences that reaching the new place leads to the predictable next activity.
Parent: Say, “You got to the rug. Now bubbles.”
Child May
Child arrives upset.
Parent: Still keep the promise. The child does not need to be calm or cheerful to receive THEN.
Reset / Repeat
One round = FIRST move a few steps → THEN immediately. Increase distance only after success.
A timer can make the ending come from a predictable signal instead of repeated parent warnings. The parent starts with a very short and accurate timer and honors it. The timer is not used to threaten or repeatedly restart the countdown.
Materials
TIMER card; visual timer or simple timer; preferred activity; next activity.
Set up
Tell the child what will happen when the timer ends. Start with 20–30 seconds during practice.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show TIMER. Say, “When timer is done, play is all done and we walk to snack.” Start the timer.
We Want
Child continues play while noticing the timer.
Parent: Give no extra reminders unless needed. Stay nearby.
Child May
Child asks for more time or protests.
Parent: Acknowledge once: “You want more.” Keep the original timer; do not restart it.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When the timer ends, say, “Timer done. Now we go.” Turn off the timer and begin moving.
We Want
Child stops or begins the transition with support.
Parent: Say, “The timer told us it was time.”
Child May
Child cannot transition safely.
Parent: Support regulation and reduce the next transition step. Do not use a longer timer as punishment.
Reset / Repeat
One round = timer starts → timer ends → transition begins. Practice once.
Some children move more easily when their hands have a concrete job. The child carries one safe household item to the next location. The item is not a reward; it gives the transition a clear purpose and keeps the child involved in what happens next.
Materials
CARRY JOB card; lightweight book, attendance card, napkin basket, or other safe item.
Set up
Choose a destination and one lightweight item that belongs there. Put CARRY JOB near the item.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show CARRY JOB. Say, “Your job is carry the book to the rug.” Hand the child the item.
We Want
Child accepts or carries the item toward the destination.
Parent: Walk beside the child and say, “You are carrying the job.”
Child May
Child refuses the item or puts it down.
Parent: Do not force the item into the child’s hands. Say, “I can carry it. You can walk with me.” Transition without the job.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the destination, show where the item goes.
We Want
Child places or hands over the item.
Parent: Say, “Job finished. We are here.” Begin the next routine.
Child May
Child wants to keep the item.
Parent: Offer a clear finish: “Book goes here.” If safe, help place it together. Choose a less preferred job item next time.
Reset / Repeat
One round = take one job item → walk → put item at destination. Practice once per transition.
A child may resist because “come on” or “let’s go” does not clearly show where to go. The parent names one specific destination and walks beside the child. The destination is close and visible at first. Eye contact and hand-holding are not required unless needed for safety.
Materials
WALK WITH ME card; visible floor marker, chair, rug spot, or doorway target.
Set up
Choose a destination the child can see. Stand beside rather than in front of the child when possible.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show WALK WITH ME. Say, “Walk with me to the blue rug.” Point to the exact spot and begin walking slowly.
We Want
Child moves toward the named place.
Parent: Match the child’s safe pace. Say, “We are going to the blue rug.”
Child May
Child moves in a different direction.
Parent: Pause and point to the destination again. Reduce the distance by walking partway toward it before asking again.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When the child reaches the spot, stop and clearly mark arrival: “We are here.”
We Want
Child pauses at or near the destination.
Parent: Begin the next activity quickly so arrival has meaning.
Child May
Child walks past the spot.
Parent: Gently redirect with the visual/point. Do not turn arrival into a long standing requirement.
Reset / Repeat
One round = see destination → walk with parent → clear arrival. Do 2 short practices.
The destination stays the same, but the child gets a small choice about HOW to get there. Choice gives the child some control without changing the necessary transition. The parent offers only two safe options.
Materials
WALK WITH ME card; CARRY JOB card; one lightweight household item.
Set up
Choose a short transition. Decide two acceptable options, such as “walk with me” or “carry the book while we walk.”
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “We are going to the rug. Choose: walk with me, or carry the book.” Show the two options.
We Want
Child chooses one option verbally, by pointing, or by reaching for the item.
Parent: Say, “You chose ___.” Begin immediately.
Child May
Child says “no” to both.
Parent: Acknowledge once: “You do not want to go.” Choose the simpler option yourself and reduce the transition distance.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Complete the transition using the chosen option.
We Want
Child reaches the destination with support.
Parent: Say, “You chose how to go, and we got there.”
Child May
Child changes choice halfway.
Parent: If the new choice is safe and does not delay the transition greatly, allow it. Flexibility is acceptable.
Reset / Repeat
One round = same destination → child chooses one of two safe ways → arrive. Practice once.
For a child who becomes overwhelmed during longer transitions, the parent breaks the trip into two small parts. The child walks to a halfway point, has a brief supported pause, then finishes. This uses the ZPD idea of making the step smaller rather than repeating the full demand.
Materials
WALK WITH ME card; visible halfway marker; destination.
Set up
Choose a hallway or playground transition with a safe halfway point. Parent remains with the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “First we walk to the door.” Walk only to the halfway marker.
We Want
Child reaches the halfway point.
Parent: Say, “We made the first part.” Pause 5–10 seconds.
Child May
Child stops before the marker.
Parent: Move the marker closer or choose an even smaller first destination. Do not pull the child.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the pause, say, “Now the second part: walk to the room.”
We Want
Child completes the second short section.
Parent: Say, “Two small parts got us there.”
Child May
Child is too upset to continue.
Parent: Support safety and regulation first. Try a shorter route/step next time rather than forcing completion.
Reset / Repeat
One round = first short section → brief pause → second short section. Practice one transition.
Choose one daily transition that is currently difficult and use the same support every day for a period of time. The goal is not “transition perfectly.” Pick one observable step, such as leaving the toy area after ONE MORE TURN or walking to the doorway with the parent.
Materials
One chosen transition card; tracking sheet; routine materials.
Set up
Select ONE transition and ONE target step. Tell all parents the same short wording to use.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, practice the target step once when the child is calm.
We Want
Child attempts the small transition step.
Parent: Say, “That is our transition plan.”
Child May
Child refuses the preview.
Parent: Model it once and move on. Do not create a struggle before the real transition.
2
Step 2 — Parent: During the real transition, use the same card and wording once, then give support as needed.
We Want
Child completes more of the target step with less help over time.
Parent: Acknowledge the exact success and record 0–3.
Child May
Child still needs full support.
Parent: Keep the same small goal for several days. Do not add another transition goal yet.
Reset / Repeat
The real transition is one daily practice. Track only the chosen target step.
Behavior 13: Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean Up
13
Directions, Routines & Transitions
Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean Up
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes its plain-language meaning and a short parent tip. The parent should still say and model exactly what the child can do.Exactly one final, clearly defined action before ending.
Parent help: say what counts as the turn, such as one car trip, one block, or one slide.
Behavior 13: Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean Up
13Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean UpBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
ONE MORE TURN – Then ALL DONE
The child practices ending a preferred activity with a predictable final action. The parent names exactly what the last turn is, then uses ALL DONE immediately after it. The goal is not for the child to be happy about stopping; the goal is to make the ending understandable and repeatable.
Materials
ONE MORE TURN card; ALL DONE card; preferred toy; cleanup basket.
Set up
Choose a toy with a clear final turn. Put the basket close by before the activity ends.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show ONE MORE TURN. Say, “One more car trip, then all done.” Let the child complete that exact turn.
We Want
Child completes the final turn.
Parent: Say, “That was the one more turn.” Show ALL DONE.
Child May
Child starts another turn.
Parent: Point to ONE MORE TURN and say, “The car trip was the last turn.” Do not add more turns.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “ALL DONE. Car goes in basket.” Point to the basket.
We Want
Child releases the toy or allows parent help, even if upset.
Parent: Say, “You finished play.” Move to the next activity.
Child May
Child holds tightly or cries.
Parent: Do not wrestle for the toy. Pause, reduce language, and practice with a less preferred item next time if needed.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one defined last turn → ALL DONE → toy moves to basket. Practice once.
Behavior 13: Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean Up
Activity 2
TOY HOME – Three Items
Cleanup can feel too large when the whole room is presented as one task. This activity teaches only three items and gives each toy a clear “home.” The parent shows where each item goes so cleanup becomes a matching task rather than a vague command.
Materials
TOY HOME card; 3 familiar toys; one labeled basket/shelf.
Set up
Put only three toys on the floor. Put the basket within 2 feet. Show TOY HOME on or near the basket.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “These three toys go home.” Pick up one toy and point to the basket without putting it in.
We Want
Child picks up one toy and moves it toward the basket.
Parent: Say, “Yes, toy home.” Let the child place it.
Child May
Child plays with the toy instead.
Parent: Give one short reminder: “Toy home.” Point to the basket. If needed, model with a different toy.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After each item, count what is left: “Two left...one left...finished.”
We Want
Child completes up to three cleanup actions.
Parent: After the last item say, “Cleanup finished.”
Child May
Child completes only one or two items.
Parent: Accept the successful amount. Next time start with the number the child can complete and build slowly.
Reset / Repeat
One round = clean up no more than three items → finished. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 13: Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean Up
Activity 3
Parent One – Child One
The parent and child take turns cleaning so the child is not facing the whole job alone. The parent does one item, then the child does one. This makes cleanup social and predictable and shows exactly what the parent means by “clean up.”
Materials
CLEAN UP card; 4–6 toys; basket.
Set up
Put the basket close. Sit or kneel near the toys. Put CLEAN UP where the child can see it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show CLEAN UP. Say, “I put one away.” Put one toy in the basket. Then say, “Your one.”
We Want
Child puts one toy away.
Parent: Say, “Your one is done. My turn.” Put away another toy.
Child May
Child hands a toy to the parent instead of putting it in.
Parent: Accept the teamwork. Say, “You gave it to me; I will put it home.” On the next turn, move the basket closer.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Continue alternating for only a few items.
We Want
Child participates in several short cleanup turns.
Parent: End clearly: “We cleaned together. All done.”
Child May
Child loses interest after one turn.
Parent: Stop after the successful turn. Increase the number slowly across days rather than insisting on finishing everything.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent one item → child one item → repeat briefly. Stop after success.
Behavior 13: Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean Up
Activity 4
Choose What to Clean First
The child must still clean, but gets control over the starting point. The parent offers only two items or categories, not the whole room. Choosing the first step can reduce resistance because the task feels smaller and more predictable.
Materials
CLEAN UP card; two toy types or two individual toys; basket.
Set up
Place two cleanup choices in view, such as blocks and cars. Keep all other materials out of the decision.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Cleanup time. Choose first: blocks or cars?” Point to each.
We Want
Child chooses one item/category by word, point, or reach.
Parent: Say, “You chose blocks first.” Begin that cleanup immediately.
Child May
Child says “no cleanup.”
Parent: Acknowledge once: “You do not want cleanup.” Repeat the two choices once; then choose the easier one and help start.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After one or two items from the chosen category, say, “That first part is done.”
We Want
Child completes the small chosen part.
Parent: Praise the concrete action: “Two blocks went home.”
Child May
Child wants to switch categories.
Parent: If switching still results in cleanup, allow it. The goal is participation, not perfect order.
Reset / Repeat
One round = choose one of two starting points → clean 1–2 items → mark first part done.
Behavior 13: Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean Up
Activity 5
FIRST–THEN Cleanup
The parent asks for a very small cleanup action before the next preferred home activity. FIRST is intentionally small, such as two toys in the basket. THEN happens immediately. This helps the child experience cleanup as a short, finishable step.
Materials
FIRST–THEN card; 2 toys; basket; brief preferred next activity.
Set up
Have the next activity ready. Put only two cleanup items in the practice area.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show FIRST–THEN. Say, “First two toys home. Then playdough.”
We Want
Child puts one or both toys away.
Parent: Count the actions: “One...two. First is done.”
Child May
Child reaches for THEN first.
Parent: Keep THEN visible but unavailable. Point once: “First two toys.” Offer help with the first item if needed.
2
Step 2 — Parent: As soon as the small cleanup is complete, start THEN.
We Want
Child learns that cleanup has a clear finish and the promised next activity follows.
Parent: Say, “You finished cleanup; now playdough.”
Child May
Child is upset after cleanup.
Parent: Still deliver THEN. Calmness is not the price of the promised activity.
Reset / Repeat
One round = FIRST 1–2 cleanup items → THEN immediately. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 13: Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean Up
Activity 6
Timer Signals the End of Play
The timer makes the end of play predictable before cleanup begins. The parent tells the child exactly what the timer means and does not keep extending it. After the signal, cleanup starts with only one or two items.
Materials
TIMER card; timer; preferred activity; basket.
Set up
Set a short practice timer, about 20–30 seconds. Keep basket ready before the timer ends.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show TIMER. Say, “When timer is done, play ends and two toys go home.” Start the timer.
We Want
Child continues playing and notices the signal when it occurs.
Parent: When it rings, say, “Timer done. Play is finished.”
Child May
Child asks for more time or protests.
Parent: Acknowledge once. Do not restart the timer. Move directly to the small cleanup step.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Point to two specific toys: “These two go home.”
We Want
Child participates in the small cleanup.
Parent: Say, “Two toys home. Cleanup practice done.”
Child May
Child cannot clean while upset.
Parent: Reduce to one item or help together. The goal is one successful ending, not a full room cleanup.
Reset / Repeat
One round = timer → play ends → clean 1–2 items. Practice once.
Behavior 13: Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean Up
Activity 7
Ask for HELP With Hard Cleanup
Some cleanup tasks are physically or cognitively harder than they look: large blocks, tight bins, sorting many pieces. The child practices asking HELP instead of refusing the entire cleanup. The parent helps with the difficult part while keeping one small action for the child.
Materials
HELP card; large or awkward toy; storage bin.
Set up
Choose one item that may reasonably need two people. Put HELP near the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “This big block goes in the bin. Try.” Give the child a brief chance.
We Want
Child attempts the task or signals difficulty.
Parent: Say, “This is a HELP job.” Point to HELP.
Child May
Child walks away or says no.
Parent: Do not chase. Say, “You can ask HELP.” Bring the item closer to the bin to make the task easier.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When the child asks/points HELP, lift one side while the child touches or carries the other side.
We Want
Child participates in a shared cleanup action.
Parent: Say, “HELP made the big job smaller.”
Child May
Child only watches the parent.
Parent: Complete most of the job, then offer one tiny final action such as pushing the item into place.
Reset / Repeat
One round = hard cleanup item → HELP → shared action → finished. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 13: Refusing to Stop a Preferred Activity / Clean Up
Activity 8
Real Cleanup Goal – One Small Target
Choose one real cleanup routine and one measurable target, such as putting three cars in the bin or placing the book on the shelf after story time. Keep the same goal for several days. This focused ZPD approach lets the parent see whether the child is actually gaining independence.
Materials
CLEAN UP or TOY HOME card; tracking sheet; real household materials.
Set up
Pick ONE cleanup target and decide the exact words every parent will use.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before cleanup, show the card and practice one example while calm.
We Want
Child attempts the target action.
Parent: Say, “That is your cleanup job.”
Child May
Child refuses the preview.
Parent: Model once and continue with the day. Do not use the preview as a test.
2
Step 2 — Parent: During the real routine, cue the same target once and support only as much as needed.
We Want
Child completes more of the target with less support across days.
Parent: Name the concrete success and record 0–3.
Child May
Child still needs full support.
Parent: Keep the same target. Do not increase the number of items until the current step is easier.
Reset / Repeat
The real cleanup is one daily practice. Track only the chosen target.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
For a child who resists the bathroom, the first goal may simply be entering the room safely. This practice happens when there is no urgent need to toilet. The parent and child walk in, look at one familiar feature, and leave. Removing the pressure to urinate or have a bowel movement can make the room itself less threatening.
Materials
BATHROOM card; one familiar bathroom item such as a small book or picture.
Set up
Choose a quiet time. Follow center supervision/privacy procedures. The child remains fully clothed for this practice.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show BATHROOM. Say, “We are going to visit the bathroom. We do not have to use the toilet.” Walk to the doorway or just inside.
We Want
Child approaches or enters the bathroom with support.
Parent: Say, “You came into the bathroom.” Keep the visit brief.
Child May
Child stops outside or shows fear.
Parent: Do not pull the child in. Let the doorway be the successful step today. Say, “We came to the bathroom door.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Point to one neutral item, such as the sink or picture. Then say, “Visit finished. We can leave.”
We Want
Child remains briefly and then leaves with parent.
Parent: Say, “Bathroom visit is all done.”
Child May
Child wants to leave immediately.
Parent: Honor it. A very short successful visit is better than forcing a longer one.
Reset / Repeat
One round = approach/enter bathroom → notice one thing → leave. Practice once a day if helpful.
The parent makes the bathroom step very small and pairs it with a predictable next activity. FIRST may only be walking to the bathroom or entering for a few seconds. THEN happens right away. The child is never required to urinate or have a bowel movement to earn the next activity.
Materials
FIRST–THEN card; BATHROOM card; brief preferred home activity.
Set up
Choose a very small bathroom step the child can probably do. Have THEN ready.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show FIRST–THEN. Say, “First walk to the bathroom door. Then bubbles.”
We Want
Child completes the small bathroom step.
Parent: Immediately say, “First is done. Now bubbles.” Return to the room and provide THEN.
Child May
Child refuses to approach.
Parent: Make FIRST smaller, such as walking halfway down the hall. Do not drag or physically force.
2
Step 2 — Parent: On later successful days, increase only one small part, such as step inside for 3 seconds.
We Want
Child tolerates a slightly larger bathroom step over time.
Parent: Keep THEN immediate and predictable.
Child May
Child becomes more fearful with the larger step.
Parent: Return to the previous successful step. The ZPD step was too big.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one small bathroom step → THEN immediately. Increase only after repeated success.
Some children resist because the bathroom routine feels unpredictable. This activity starts with a simple sequence that does not require toileting: enter, wash hands, leave. Once this sequence is comfortable, toileting steps can be added according to the child’s family/center plan.
Materials
BATHROOM card; WASH HANDS card; soap and sink supplies.
Set up
Place BATHROOM and WASH HANDS in order. Choose a time when the child does not urgently need the toilet.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show both cards. Say, “Bathroom, then wash hands, then we leave.” Walk in together.
We Want
Child enters and moves toward the sink.
Parent: Say, “First part done. Now wash hands.”
Child May
Child enters but avoids the sink.
Parent: Reduce the step: stand near the sink or turn water on briefly. Do not force hands under water.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Complete whatever handwashing step the child can tolerate, then leave.
We Want
Child participates in one or more handwashing actions and exits.
Parent: Say, “Bathroom routine finished.”
Child May
Child is distressed by water, soap, or hand dryer.
Parent: Use a quieter alternative allowed by center policy and practice the difficult sensory part separately.
Reset / Repeat
One round = enter → handwashing step → leave. Add toileting only when appropriate to the individual plan.
The child cannot choose whether a scheduled bathroom routine exists, but may be able to choose small parts of HOW it happens. Two simple choices can reduce power struggles and increase predictability. Choices must both be acceptable and should never involve withholding privacy or comfort.
Materials
BATHROOM card; two simple choice objects/pictures, such as book A/book B or which sink.
Set up
Choose two real options allowed by the program. Keep the choices small and consistent.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before entering, say, “Bathroom time. Choose: blue book or animal book?” Show the two options.
We Want
Child chooses one option by point, word, or reach.
Parent: Say, “You chose the animal book.” Take it into the bathroom.
Child May
Child says no to both.
Parent: Acknowledge: “You do not want either.” Choose one neutral option yourself and keep the bathroom step small.
2
Step 2 — Parent: During the routine, honor the chosen option without adding extra demands.
We Want
Child experiences some control within the routine.
Parent: Say, “Your choice came with us.”
Child May
Child changes choice.
Parent: If practical, allow the change. The goal is participation, not enforcing an arbitrary choice.
Reset / Repeat
One round = bathroom routine + one small acceptable choice. Practice once.
If the child is already comfortable entering the bathroom and the family/center toileting plan includes sitting, the parent can practice a VERY short sit with a clear end. The goal is comfort with the routine, not producing urine or stool. The child is never restrained or kept sitting while distressed.
Materials
BATHROOM card; ALL DONE card; toilet seat insert/foot support if normally used; small book if appropriate.
Set up
Use only if sitting is part of the child’s established toileting plan. Follow privacy and supervision procedures.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “We can sit for five counts, then ALL DONE.” Show ALL DONE before the child sits.
We Want
Child willingly sits or approaches the seat.
Parent: Count slowly 1–5. Keep language calm and neutral.
Child May
Child says no, stiffens, pulls away, or becomes distressed.
Parent: Do not place or hold the child on the toilet. End the sit practice and return to an easier bathroom step.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the short count, immediately say, “ALL DONE,” and help the child finish the routine.
We Want
Child learns that the parent honors the end of the short sit.
Parent: Say, “You sat, and then all done.” Do not ask the child to produce anything.
Child May
Child wants to sit longer voluntarily.
Parent: That is fine if consistent with the toileting plan. Keep the experience calm and pressure-free.
Reset / Repeat
One round = willing short sit → ALL DONE honored. Usually one practice is enough.
Some children resist the bathroom because the flush is loud or unpredictable. The parent practices the sound separately from toileting. The child can stand at a comfortable distance, ask for HELP, or leave before the flush. The goal is gradual familiarity, not forcing the child to tolerate distress.
Materials
FLUSH card; HELP card; toilet in the usual bathroom.
Set up
Start at a distance the child can tolerate. Do not surprise the child with a flush.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show FLUSH. Say, “The toilet will make a loud sound. You can stand here or farther away.” Let the child choose distance.
We Want
Child stays at a tolerable distance or moves farther away safely.
Parent: Say, “You chose your space.”
Child May
Child covers ears, says no, or wants to leave.
Parent: Honor the signal. Do not flush yet. Practice looking at the FLUSH card or toilet from a distance instead.
2
Step 2 — Parent: If the child is ready, count “1, 2, 3, flush” and flush once.
We Want
Child experiences one predictable flush with support.
Parent: Say, “The loud sound is finished.” Leave if the child wants.
Child May
Child becomes distressed during/after the sound.
Parent: Move away immediately and reduce stimulation. Next time practice from farther away or coordinate other sensory supports.
Reset / Repeat
One round = warning → chosen distance → one predictable flush if tolerated. Do not repeat unnecessarily.
A child may resist the whole bathroom routine because one part, such as handwashing, is hard. Practicing handwashing separately lets the parent teach that skill without adding toileting pressure. The parent begins with one small step, such as touching water or rubbing hands together.
Materials
WASH HANDS card; sink; soap; towel/paper towel as normally used.
Set up
Practice at a quiet time. Choose one handwashing step the child can already tolerate.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show WASH HANDS. Say, “Today we practice one handwashing step.” Demonstrate the chosen step.
We Want
Child attempts the one step, such as wet hands, soap, rub, rinse, or dry.
Parent: Say exactly what happened: “You put hands under water.”
Child May
Child refuses the step.
Parent: Make it smaller, such as touching the faucet or watching the parent wash. Do not force physical contact with water.
2
Step 2 — Parent: End the practice after the planned step and say, “Handwashing practice is done.”
We Want
Child learns the practice has a predictable endpoint.
Parent: Thank the child and return to the normal activity.
Child May
Child wants to do more steps.
Parent: Allow it if safe. Success can include more than the target, but do not suddenly increase expectations next time.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one handwashing step → clear finish. Build one step at a time.
Choose one part of the child’s actual bathroom routine to work on, such as walking to the door, entering, lowering clothing with help, sitting briefly if willing, flushing, or washing hands. The goal should be coordinated with the family and center plan. Only one target is tracked at a time.
Materials
One chosen bathroom card; tracking sheet; child’s established toileting supplies/supports.
Set up
Select ONE target step that is safe and developmentally appropriate. Make sure all parents use the same wording.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show the target card and briefly preview the one step.
We Want
Child attempts or tolerates the target step while calm.
Parent: Say, “That is our bathroom step.”
Child May
Child is already distressed.
Parent: Skip the teaching preview and focus on comfort/safety. Practice later.
2
Step 2 — Parent: During the real routine, prompt the one target and help only as much as needed.
We Want
Child completes more of the target with less support over time.
Parent: Acknowledge the specific step and record 0–3.
Behavior 15: Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily Routines
15
Directions, Routines & Transitions
Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily Routines
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes its plain-language meaning and a short parent tip. The parent should still say and model exactly what the child can do.A familiar daily sequence is starting.
Parent help: show only the next one or two steps, not a long list, and keep the sequence accurate.
Behavior 15: Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily Routines
15Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily RoutinesBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
Preview the Routine With Two Pictures
Daily routines are easier when the child can see what comes next. The parent shows only two parts at first rather than a long schedule. For example: MEAL TIME then play, or REST TIME then outside. The child learns the order without having to remember many spoken directions.
Materials
ROUTINE TIME card; MEAL TIME or REST TIME card; picture/object for what comes next.
Set up
Choose one familiar routine. Put the two visuals left-to-right in the order they will happen.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Point to the first picture and say, “First meal time.” Point to the second: “Then playground.”
We Want
Child looks, points, or stays near the routine materials.
Parent: Say, “You can see what comes next.” Begin the first routine.
Child May
Child ignores the pictures.
Parent: That is okay. Keep the visuals visible and model pointing; do not require the child to point back.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When the first routine finishes, move/remove its picture and point to the second.
We Want
Child experiences that the visual sequence matches what actually happens.
Parent: Say, “Meal time finished. Now playground.”
Child May
Child becomes upset when the first routine ends.
Parent: Acknowledge and keep the sequence accurate. Do not change the promised next step unless necessary.
Reset / Repeat
One round = show two-step routine → complete first → move to second. Practice once.
Behavior 15: Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily Routines
Activity 2
ONE STEP at a Time
A routine such as lunch, rest, or getting ready can contain many steps. The parent teaches only ONE action at a time, waits for it to finish, then gives the next. This reduces language load and helps the parent see exactly which step is difficult.
Materials
ONE STEP card; materials from one routine.
Set up
Choose a routine and list its steps privately for the parent. Give the child only the current step.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show ONE STEP. Give one concrete direction such as, “Put cup on table.” Wait 3–5 seconds.
We Want
Child attempts the one step.
Parent: Say, “That step is done.” Do not give the next step until the first is complete.
Child May
Child does not respond.
Parent: Show the action with a point/model. Keep words short; do not stack more directions.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When ready, give only the next single step.
We Want
Child completes one routine action at a time.
Parent: Continue only as long as the child is participating safely.
Child May
Child becomes overwhelmed after one step.
Parent: Pause the routine teaching. One successful step may be enough for today.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one step → finish → next step only if appropriate. Track which specific step needs support.
Behavior 15: Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily Routines
Activity 3
MEAL TIME: Sit With the Group Briefly
This activity teaches participation in the meal routine, not eating a particular food. The child practices coming to the table and staying for a short, realistic period. Food is offered according to the program and family plan, but the child is not forced to eat, taste, or finish food.
Materials
MEAL TIME card; normal place setting; timer if useful.
Set up
Use the child’s regular meal/snack area. Start with a short participation goal the child can likely manage, such as 1–2 minutes.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MEAL TIME. Say, “Meal time means we come to the table.” Help the child get to the seat/place.
We Want
Child comes to the table and sits/stands at the assigned place as appropriate.
Parent: Say, “You came to meal time.” Begin the normal meal without pressure to eat.
Child May
Child refuses the chair but stays near the table.
Parent: If allowed by program rules and safe, accept the closest appropriate participation step. Build gradually.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the short planned time, clearly mark success: “You stayed for meal time.” Continue the normal routine according to program expectations.
We Want
Child participates without being forced to eat.
Parent: Praise participation, not bites consumed.
Child May
Child refuses food or says all done with food.
Parent: Do not pressure tasting or finishing. Follow the center’s meal policy and family/medical feeding plan.
Reset / Repeat
One round = come to meal area → participate for a short planned period. Do not use food intake as the success measure.
Behavior 15: Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily Routines
Activity 4
MEAL TIME Helper Job
Some children participate more easily when they have one simple job connected to the routine. The job can be putting a napkin at the place, carrying an empty cup, or placing a spoon. The job gives a clear entry into meal time without making eating the first demand.
Materials
MEAL TIME card; one lightweight meal item such as napkin, empty cup, or spoon.
Set up
Choose one safe job permitted by the program. Keep it to one item at first.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MEAL TIME. Say, “Your meal job is put the napkin here.” Point to the place.
We Want
Child carries/places the one item.
Parent: Say, “Meal job finished.” Invite the child to the meal area.
Child May
Child does not want the job.
Parent: Do not force it. Parent can do the job and invite the child to the next routine step.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Once seated/settled, do not add extra helper jobs unless the child enjoys them.
We Want
Child uses the job as a predictable start to the routine.
Parent: Keep the routine calm and normal.
Child May
Child wants to repeat the job instead of joining the meal.
Parent: Acknowledge once and say, “Job is finished. Now meal time.” Use the routine visual.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one helper job → join meal routine. Practice once per meal if useful.
Behavior 15: Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily Routines
Activity 5
REST TIME: Predictable Start
The goal of rest time is not to force sleep. The child practices the beginning of the rest routine: go to the rest area, get a familiar quiet item if allowed, and settle into the program’s rest arrangement. Keeping the first steps the same each day makes the routine more predictable.
Materials
REST TIME card; child’s approved rest mat/cot; approved quiet book or comfort item if permitted.
Set up
Prepare the rest area before asking the child to transition. Reduce unnecessary noise and extra materials.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show REST TIME. Say, “Rest time: mat first.” Walk with the child to the prepared place.
We Want
Child approaches or gets onto/next to the rest area.
Parent: Say, “You came to rest time.” Keep voice low and instructions minimal.
Child May
Child refuses the mat/cot.
Parent: Do not physically place or hold the child down. Start with sitting beside it or touching the rest item if allowed.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Offer the approved quiet item or begin the usual rest cue.
We Want
Child participates in the rest routine without being required to sleep.
Parent: Say, “Your body can rest quietly here.”
Child May
Child does not sleep or needs more time to settle.
Parent: Follow program policy for non-sleeping children. Success is safe participation, not falling asleep.
Reset / Repeat
One round = go to rest area → begin one familiar quiet rest action. Practice daily as part of the routine.
Behavior 15: Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily Routines
Activity 6
REST TIME: One Short Quiet Interval
For a child who has difficulty remaining in rest, the parent practices a very short interval instead of expecting the full period immediately. The child may lie down, sit quietly on the rest space, or use an approved quiet activity according to program policy. The time grows only after success.
Materials
REST TIME card; timer; approved quiet item.
Set up
Choose a starting interval the child can likely manage, even 20–30 seconds. Parent remains nearby.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Rest time for 30 seconds. You can lie down or sit quietly here.” Start the timer.
We Want
Child remains in the rest area with safe behavior for the short interval.
Parent: Use minimal praise during the interval; keep the environment calm.
Child May
Child gets up immediately.
Parent: Guide with the visual and say, “Rest area.” If the interval is too hard, shorten it rather than repeatedly correcting.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When the timer ends, say, “That rest practice is finished.” Follow the normal program routine.
We Want
Child experiences a clear, achievable rest interval.
Parent: Increase time very slowly across days if appropriate.
Child May
Child becomes more dysregulated during the interval.
Parent: Stop the practice goal and support regulation. Coordinate with family/center leadership if rest remains very difficult.
Reset / Repeat
One round = short rest interval → clear finish. Increase only after the current interval is successful.
Behavior 15: Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily Routines
Activity 7
Ask HELP During a Routine
A child may avoid a whole routine because one small part is hard: opening a lunch container, pulling up a blanket, putting on a bib, or finding a cup. This activity teaches HELP for the specific hard step so the child can stay in the routine instead of leaving or escalating.
Materials
HELP card; one routine item that may need assistance.
Set up
Choose a safe, ordinary routine task. Put HELP where the child can reach/see it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Let the child try the routine step briefly. Then say, “If this is hard, ask HELP.” Point to HELP.
We Want
Child asks/points HELP or clearly offers the item to the parent.
Parent: Say, “Yes, I can help.” Assist immediately.
Child May
Child abandons the routine or becomes frustrated.
Parent: Reduce the task and offer HELP sooner next time. Do not wait for a large reaction.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After helping, return one manageable part of the task to the child.
We Want
Child completes a small piece of the routine after assistance.
Parent: Say, “You got help and then finished your part.”
Child May
Child wants parent to do the whole task.
Parent: If appropriate, parent can do most of it and leave one tiny final action. Build independence gradually.
Reset / Repeat
One round = hard routine step → HELP → adult assists → child does one manageable part.
Behavior 15: Difficulty Participating in Meals, Rest, or Daily Routines
Activity 8
Real Routine – One Participation Goal
Choose one daily routine and one observable participation goal. Examples: come to the meal table, place cup on table, walk to rest mat, stay in rest area for 30 seconds, or put napkin in trash. Work on only one goal until it becomes easier, then choose the next small step.
Materials
ROUTINE TIME plus the relevant MEAL TIME or REST TIME card; tracking sheet.
Set up
Pick ONE routine and ONE target. Make sure parents use the same wording and do not change the target every day.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show the relevant card and preview only the one target.
We Want
Child attempts the target while calm.
Parent: Say, “That is your routine step.”
Child May
Child refuses the preview.
Parent: Model once and continue. Do not turn the preview into a test.
2
Step 2 — Parent: During the real routine, prompt the target once and give the minimum support needed for success.
We Want
Child completes more of the target with less help across days.
Parent: Name the specific success and record 0–3.
Child May
Child still needs full support.
Parent: Keep the same goal and make it smaller if needed. Do not add a second target yet.
Reset / Repeat
The real routine is one daily practice. Track the same target until clear progress is seen.
Behavior 16: Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other Children
16
Peer Relationships & Social Skills
Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other Children
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes its meaning and a parent-use tip. The card is a visual reminder; still say and model exactly what the child should do.Ask before touching or taking something another person is using.
Parent help: Pause the child’s reach if needed and make the ask useful by answering clearly.
Behavior 16: Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other Children
16Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other ChildrenBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
ASK FIRST With a Parent-Held Toy
The parent holds a preferred toy instead of having another child hold it. This lets the child practice asking before taking without creating a real peer conflict. The child learns a simple sequence: notice the toy, ASK FIRST or MY TURN, wait for the parent’s answer, then take the toy only when it is offered.
Materials
Preferred toy; ASK FIRST card; MY TURN card.
Set up
PARENT holds the toy in both hands. CHILD sits or stands about 2 feet away. Put ASK FIRST and MY TURN where the child can reach them.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Hold the toy where the child can see it. Say, “You want the toy. Ask first.” Point to ASK FIRST or MY TURN.
We Want
Child says/points ASK FIRST or MY TURN and keeps hands off the toy.
Parent: Say, “You asked before taking.” Immediately move to the answer step.
Child May
Child reaches, grabs, or pulls at the toy.
Parent: Hold the toy close to your body and out of grabbing range. Say, “Hands stay on your body. Ask first.” Prompt the card once.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Yes, your turn,” and place the toy into the child’s open hands or on the table in front of the child.
We Want
Child waits until the toy is offered, then takes it.
Parent: Say, “You waited until it was given to you.” Let the child play for 10–20 seconds.
Child May
Child grabs before the parent offers it.
Parent: Move the toy back for 1 second. Say, “Wait for me to give it.” Then offer it quickly so the child can succeed.
Reset / Repeat
One round = see toy → ASK FIRST/MY TURN → parent answers → toy is offered. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 16: Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other Children
Activity 2
MY TURN – Wait – Receive
This activity teaches the child that asking for a turn and waiting briefly gets access to a toy more reliably than grabbing. The wait starts very short so the child practices success rather than frustration. The parent gives the toy immediately when the wait ends.
Materials
Preferred toy; MY TURN card; WAIT card; timer if useful.
Set up
PARENT starts with the toy. CHILD has empty hands. Put MY TURN and WAIT between you.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Play with the toy for about 5 seconds. Say, “Ask MY TURN.” Point to MY TURN.
We Want
Child says/points MY TURN without taking the toy.
Parent: Say, “You asked for a turn.” Show WAIT.
Child May
Child reaches or grabs.
Parent: Move the toy closer to your body. Say, “Show MY TURN.” Help the child touch the card if needed.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Wait one second.” Count one. Then say, “Your turn,” and give the toy.
We Want
Child keeps hands off the toy for the short wait, then takes it when offered.
Parent: Say, “Waiting worked. Now it is your turn.”
Child May
Child cannot wait one second safely.
Parent: Make the wait almost immediate: “MY TURN... yes, your turn.” Build waiting later, one second at a time.
Reset / Repeat
One round = MY TURN → very short WAIT → receive toy. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 16: Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other Children
Activity 3
TRADE Two Toys
Some grabbing happens because the child wants exactly what another person has. This activity teaches a trade as one possible solution. The parent and child each start with a toy. The child offers one toy and receives the other only after the parent accepts the trade.
Materials
Two similarly interesting toys; TRADE card.
Set up
PARENT holds Toy A. CHILD holds Toy B. Sit facing each other with enough space to prevent grabbing.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show TRADE and say, “If you want my toy, offer me your toy.” Hold out an open hand but do not take Toy B.
We Want
Child offers Toy B toward the parent while keeping hands off Toy A.
Parent: Accept Toy B and say, “You offered a trade.”
Child May
Child grabs Toy A while still holding Toy B.
Parent: Move Toy A out of reach. Say, “Trade means give one, then get one.” Show the exchange slowly.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After accepting Toy B, hand Toy A to the child.
We Want
Child takes Toy A after the exchange is complete.
Parent: Say, “Trade worked.” Let the child play briefly.
Child May
Child changes mind and keeps Toy B.
Parent: Accept that choice. Say, “No trade is okay.” Do not take the child’s toy.
Reset / Repeat
One round = each person has a toy → child offers one → parent accepts → parent gives the other. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 16: Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other Children
Activity 4
Hands on Your Own Toy
This activity helps the child practice keeping hands with the toy they are already using while another interesting toy is nearby. The parent makes the distance easy at first and gradually moves the second toy closer. The goal is not “never want another toy”; it is “notice it and ask before touching it.”
Materials
Two toys; SAFE HANDS card; ASK FIRST card.
Set up
CHILD plays with Toy A. PARENT places Toy B about 3 feet away and sits near Toy B.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Point to SAFE HANDS and say, “Your hands can stay with your toy.” Let the child play for 5 seconds while Toy B is visible.
We Want
Child continues with Toy A or looks at Toy B without grabbing it.
Parent: Say, “You noticed it and kept your hands with your toy.”
Child May
Child moves quickly toward Toy B.
Parent: Place your hand near Toy B without touching the child. Say, “Ask first.” Point to ASK FIRST.
2
Step 2 — Parent: If the child asks, answer honestly: “Yes, you may switch,” or “Not yet. I am using it.”
We Want
Child waits for the answer before touching Toy B.
Parent: If yes, let the switch happen. If not yet, offer a short wait or another choice.
Child May
Child grabs after hearing “not yet.”
Parent: Move Toy B out of reach and keep language short: “Not yet. Ask again after the timer.” Use a very short timer.
Reset / Repeat
One round = notice another toy → hands stay back → ask → parent answers. Do 2–3 short rounds.
Behavior 16: Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other Children
Activity 5
Puppet Grabs – Child Teaches the Puppet
The puppet makes the mistake instead of the child. The child helps teach the puppet what to do, which can be easier and less embarrassing than being corrected directly. The child practices identifying grabbing and showing the puppet ASK FIRST or MY TURN.
Materials
Puppet; two toys; ASK FIRST card; MY TURN card.
Set up
CHILD has Toy A. Put Toy B nearby. PARENT controls the puppet and keeps it at a safe distance.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Have the puppet reach toward Toy A and say, “Puppy wants it!” Stop before touching the toy. Ask, “Should Puppy grab or ask?”
We Want
Child indicates ASK FIRST/MY TURN or says “ask.”
Parent: Say, “Yes. Puppy asks first.” Have puppet point to the card.
Child May
Child says “grab” or grabs the puppet/toy.
Parent: Move puppet back. Say, “We keep the game safe. Watch Puppy ask first.” Model the correct action once.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Have puppet say, “My turn?” Let the child decide “yes” or “not yet.”
We Want
Child gives an answer without the puppet taking the toy.
Parent: Follow the answer. If “not yet,” puppet waits. If “yes,” child may hand the toy over.
Child May
Child does not want to give the toy.
Parent: That is okay. Say, “You said not yet. Puppy waits.” This teaches that asking does not mean the other person must give the toy.
Reset / Repeat
One round = puppet wants toy → child teaches ask first → puppet respects the answer. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 16: Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other Children
Activity 6
Ask for HELP When Two Hands Reach
When a toy conflict starts quickly, the child may not yet know how to solve it. This activity teaches HELP as a simple emergency option. The parent creates a mild conflict by reaching toward a toy, then immediately responds when the child asks for help.
Materials
Preferred toy; HELP card; ASK FIRST card.
Set up
CHILD holds the toy. PARENT sits 2 feet away. HELP and ASK FIRST are visible.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “I want the toy,” and slowly reach toward it without touching the child or toy.
We Want
Child says/points HELP or ASK FIRST before grabbing or pushing.
Parent: Stop your hand. Say, “HELP worked. I will stop and help.”
Child May
Child grabs the parent’s hand or pulls the toy away.
Parent: Move your hand back. Say, “You kept the toy. Now show HELP.” Prompt once.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “I can help us take turns. You keep it for five counts, then I get a turn.” Count slowly.
We Want
Child keeps the toy during the count and allows the parent to structure the next turn.
Parent: Say, “You asked for help, so I helped with the turn.”
Child May
Child refuses to give the toy after the count.
Parent: Do not pull it away. End the practice and use a parent-held toy next time. The child may need more practice before peer-like turns.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent creates mild conflict → child uses HELP/ASK → parent solves the conflict. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 16: Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other Children
Activity 7
Real Shelf Practice – Ask Before Taking
The parent practices with a shelf where some items are available and one item is temporarily “in use.” The child learns to check before taking something that another person is using. This moves the skill closer to real home life without putting another child in the practice.
Materials
Two shelf toys; ASK FIRST card; MY TURN card; optional timer.
Set up
Put Toy A on the shelf as available. PARENT holds Toy B and says, “I am using this one.” Put ASK FIRST nearby.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Invite the child to choose a toy. If the child reaches for Toy B, point to ASK FIRST and say, “This one is being used. Ask first.”
We Want
Child asks before touching Toy B.
Parent: Say, “You checked first.” Answer yes or not yet.
Child May
Child grabs Toy B.
Parent: Keep Toy B in your hands and move it back. Say, “This one is being used. Ask first.” Then help the child choose Toy A if needed.
2
Step 2 — Parent: If the answer is “not yet,” show a short timer or offer Toy A while waiting.
We Want
Child waits, chooses Toy A, or walks away without grabbing.
Parent: Acknowledge: “You found another choice while you waited.”
Child May
Child becomes upset.
Parent: Name it briefly: “You wanted this one.” Keep the boundary, shorten the wait, and help with another option.
Reset / Repeat
One round = notice in-use toy → ask → accept answer/choose another option. Practice 1–2 times.
Behavior 16: Grabbing Toys or Materials From Other Children
Activity 8
Real Routine – One Grabbing Goal
Choose one real moment at home when grabbing happens often, such as table toys or outdoor equipment. Practice only one new action: ASK FIRST, MY TURN, TRADE, or HELP. The parent stays close enough to prompt before the child’s hand reaches another child’s item.
Materials
ONE chosen card; tracking sheet; routine materials.
Set up
Choose a 5-minute routine. Pick ONE action the child already practiced one-on-one. Tell the other children only what they need to know; do not make the child perform in front of the group.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, practice the chosen card once with the parent.
We Want
Child shows or says the chosen action once.
Parent: Say, “That is your plan if you want someone’s toy.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child refuses the preview.
Parent: Model it once without requiring repetition. Start only if the routine can be supervised safely.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first reach toward another child’s item, prompt the card once before grabbing happens.
We Want
Child pauses and uses the chosen action, even with help.
Parent: Make the action work quickly by helping with a turn, trade, or waiting plan.
Child May
Child grabs the item.
Parent: Keep everyone calm. Help return the item if safe, say, “Ask first,” and practice the action after the child is calm. Do not shame.
Reset / Repeat
The whole routine is one daily practice. Track the 0–3 rating and keep the same goal for several days.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
17Difficulty Sharing or Taking TurnsBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
MY TURN – YOUR TURN With One Toy
The parent and child use one toy and take very short turns. The child sees exactly when MY TURN changes to YOUR TURN. The parent does not require the child to “share” an item the child brought from home; use a household toy that can safely be used for practice.
Materials
One household toy; MY TURN card; YOUR TURN card.
Set up
Sit across from the child. Put both cards between you. PARENT starts with the toy for only 3–5 seconds.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MY TURN near yourself and say, “My turn.” Use the toy briefly. Then move YOUR TURN toward the child.
We Want
Child waits while parent has the short turn.
Parent: Say, “You waited. Now YOUR TURN.” Hand the toy to the child.
Child May
Child reaches or grabs during parent’s turn.
Parent: Keep the turn shorter. Say, “My turn... now your turn.” Give the toy quickly so the child experiences the sequence.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Let the child use the toy for 5–10 seconds. Then show MY TURN and say, “My turn next.”
We Want
Child gives the toy back or places it on the table for the parent.
Parent: Say, “You gave me a turn. It will come back to you.” Take a 3-second turn, then return it.
Child May
Child holds tightly or says no.
Parent: Do not pry it away. Say, “Not ready yet.” End the round and use a less preferred toy next time or shorten the child’s expectation gradually.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent turn → child turn → parent turn. Do 1–2 rounds.
A timer gives the turn a visible, predictable ending so the child does not have to rely only on adult words. Start with a very short timer. The parent follows the timer consistently so the child learns that turns end and come back.
Materials
Preferred household toy; TIMER card; visual or audible timer; MY TURN/YOUR TURN cards.
Set up
CHILD starts with the toy. Set timer for 10–20 seconds at first. Put cards nearby.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show TIMER and say, “Your turn until the timer. Then my turn.” Start the timer.
We Want
Child keeps the toy during the timer and hears/sees the warning.
Parent: Near the end say, “Two more seconds.”
Child May
Child tries to hide the toy or turns away.
Parent: Do not chase or grab. Shorten the timer next round and use a less preferred toy. Keep the current round calm.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When timer ends, show MY TURN and hold out an open hand.
We Want
Child hands the toy over or places it down.
Parent: Say, “Timer ended. My short turn.” Use it 3 seconds, then give it back.
Child May
Child refuses or becomes upset.
Parent: Say, “You want more.” Do not wrestle for the toy. End practice and try again later with a shorter, easier turn.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child turn with timer → parent turn → toy comes back. Do 1–2 rounds.
Sharing is easier when there are two similar items. The child starts with two and practices giving one to the parent while keeping one. This teaches the physical action of offering without asking the child to give up everything.
Materials
Two similar cars/blocks/markers; TOGETHER card; YOUR TURN card.
Set up
Put both items in front of the child. PARENT sits beside the child with empty hands.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “You have two. Can you give me one?” Show YOUR TURN near the parent.
We Want
Child hands one item to parent and keeps the other.
Parent: Say, “You kept one and gave me one.” Begin playing alongside the child.
Child May
Child clutches both or says no.
Parent: Accept the no. Model with a third item if available, or say, “You are not ready to give one.” Try later; do not take one.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Play alongside for 10 seconds. Show TOGETHER and make one simple shared action, such as both cars driving side by side.
We Want
Child tolerates both people using similar materials together.
Parent: Say, “We can play together and each have one.”
Child May
Child tries to take parent’s item too.
Parent: Hold your item near your body. Say, “This one is my turn. Yours is there.” Point to the child’s item.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child has two → offers one → both play alongside. Do 2 rounds.
The parent and child build one simple structure together by adding one piece at a time. The object belongs to the activity, not to either person. This makes turn-taking about a shared goal rather than giving up a personal possession.
Materials
6 large blocks; TOGETHER card; MY TURN/YOUR TURN cards.
Set up
Put blocks in a shared pile. Start a base of one block in the middle.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show YOUR TURN and say, “Your block.” Let the child add one block.
We Want
Child adds one block and then leaves the shared pile alone.
Parent: Say, “You added one.” Show MY TURN.
Child May
Child adds several blocks quickly.
Parent: Let the child finish the block already in hand, then gently cover the pile with your hand and say, “One block each. My turn now.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Add one parent block. Then show YOUR TURN again.
We Want
Child waits for parent’s one block and then takes the next turn.
Parent: Say, “We are building together.”
Child May
Child knocks the structure down.
Parent: Keep the response neutral. Say, “Tower fell. Do we rebuild or all done?” Do not turn it into punishment.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child adds one → parent adds one → child adds one. Do 2–3 cycles.
Some children become upset because they do not know who goes first. The parent lets the child choose between two acceptable turn orders. Having a predictable order can make turn-taking easier without giving the child control over every turn.
Materials
CHOOSE 1 card; MY TURN/YOUR TURN cards; one simple game/toy.
Set up
Put MY TURN and YOUR TURN side by side. PARENT and CHILD sit at the activity.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Choose who goes first: you or me?” Point to the two cards.
We Want
Child chooses one order.
Parent: Follow the chosen order exactly. Say, “You chose who starts.”
Child May
Child says both, neither, or cannot choose.
Parent: Choose neutrally: “I will start this time.” Keep the first turn very short.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the first turn, flip to the other card and say, “Now the other turn.”
We Want
Child allows the turn order to change.
Parent: Say, “The order tells us whose turn.”
Child May
Child tries to take two turns in a row.
Parent: Point to the current card. Say, “This card says whose turn.” Keep the other turn brief.
Reset / Repeat
One round = choose who starts → first turn → second turn. Do 2 rounds.
Sometimes children resist turns because they think they must keep participating indefinitely. ALL DONE teaches that the child may leave the practice after completing a small turn sequence. Knowing there is an exit can reduce power struggles.
Materials
ALL DONE card; MY TURN/YOUR TURN cards; one toy.
Set up
Place ALL DONE beside the turn cards. Tell the child before starting that after one exchange the child can choose more or all done.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Complete one short parent turn and one short child turn.
We Want
Child participates in the small exchange.
Parent: Show ALL DONE and ask, “More turns or all done?”
Child May
Child says all done before the exchange is complete.
Parent: Accept it if possible. Say, “All done.” The skill should not become a forced social task.
2
Step 2 — Parent: If the child chooses more, do one more exchange. If all done, put the toy away together.
We Want
Child learns that choosing to end is respected.
Parent: Say, “You told me all done.”
Child May
Child walks away without using the card.
Parent: Treat walking away as communication. Say, “You are all done.” Show the card briefly; do not require returning.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one small turn exchange → choice of more or ALL DONE. Do 1–2 rounds.
The child controls one puppet while the parent controls another. The puppets take turns with a toy, which lets the child practice the sequence with less pressure. The parent never makes one puppet snatch from the other.
Materials
Two puppets; one toy; MY TURN/YOUR TURN cards; WAIT card.
Set up
PARENT holds Puppet A. CHILD holds Puppet B. Toy starts with Puppet A.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “A has a turn. B can wait.” Show WAIT for 1–2 seconds.
We Want
Child keeps Puppet B back while A uses the toy.
Parent: Say, “B waited. Now YOUR TURN.” Give the toy to Puppet B.
Child May
Child moves Puppet B in to grab.
Parent: Move Puppet A/toy slightly back. Say, “B waits here.” Make the wait only 1 second, then give the toy.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After 5 seconds, show MY TURN and say, “A’s turn again.”
We Want
Child has Puppet B hand the toy back or place it down.
Parent: Say, “The toy comes back after turns.” Return it quickly after A’s short turn.
Child May
Child refuses to give it back.
Parent: End the puppet turn without pulling. Next time use a less preferred toy and shorter child turn.
Reset / Repeat
One round = A turn → B waits → B turn → A turn. Do 1–2 rounds.
Choose one routine where turn-taking is naturally needed, such as a slide, sensory tool, or table game. Practice one simple cue only: MY TURN/YOUR TURN, WAIT, or TIMER. The parent stays close and keeps waits brief enough for success.
Materials
ONE chosen turn card; timer if used; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose a 5-minute routine with a small number of children. Practice the card once one-on-one before the routine.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show the chosen card and say the plan in one sentence.
We Want
Child looks at/uses the card or repeats the simple plan.
Parent: Say, “That is the turn plan.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child does not respond.
Parent: Model once and begin. Do not require a verbal answer.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first turn change, prompt the card once and make the wait short.
We Want
Child gives or waits for a turn with support.
Parent: Acknowledge the exact skill and keep the activity moving.
Child May
Child grabs or refuses the turn.
Parent: Protect the materials, keep language brief, and return to one-on-one practice later. Do not shame or force sharing.
Reset / Repeat
The routine is one daily practice. Record the 0–3 rating afterward.
Behavior 18: Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOP
18
Peer Relationships & Social Skills
Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOP
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
This Card is Used in Activities: 1, 2, 3, 18, 21, 28
Each card includes its meaning and a parent-use tip. The card is a visual reminder; still say and model exactly what the child should do.Means “stop touching/coming closer.”
Parent help: Stop immediately so the child learns the boundary is real.
Behavior 18: Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOP
18Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOPBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
STOP Means Stop
The parent demonstrates that STOP has a real effect. The parent slowly moves one hand toward a toy or the child’s play space, and the child practices saying or showing STOP. The parent stops immediately. This teaches both sides of the boundary: how to communicate STOP and that adults should respect it.
Materials
STOP card; one toy.
Set up
CHILD has the toy. PARENT sits about 2 feet away. Put STOP next to the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Slowly move your hand toward the edge of the play space. Say, “If I am too close, show STOP.”
We Want
Child says/points STOP before touching the parent.
Parent: Freeze immediately and say, “STOP worked. I stopped.”
Child May
Child pushes, swats, or grabs the parent’s hand.
Parent: Move your hand back. Say, “You wanted space. Show STOP.” Prompt once without scolding.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Start again from farther away. This time stop yourself as soon as the child shows STOP.
We Want
Child uses STOP earlier and keeps hands on own body.
Parent: Say, “You used words/card to protect your space.”
Child May
Child does not want to practice again.
Parent: End the activity. One successful boundary is enough.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent approaches slowly → child uses STOP → parent stops. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 18: Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOP
Activity 2
Step Back for SPACE
Personal space is easier to understand when there is a visible place to move. The child practices taking one step backward onto floor markers instead of pushing another person away. The parent starts with plenty of space and moves only slightly closer.
Materials
SPACE card; two paper footprints; puppet.
Set up
Place footprints one step behind the child. PARENT holds puppet about 2 feet away.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Move the puppet a little closer and say, “Need more space? Step back.” Point to SPACE and the footprints.
We Want
Child steps back onto the footprints without pushing the puppet.
Parent: Say, “You made space with your feet.” Keep puppet where it is.
Child May
Child pushes or hits the puppet.
Parent: Move puppet away. Say, “Pushing can hurt. Step back makes space.” Practice stepping with no puppet first.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Repeat with the puppet starting slightly closer only if the child stayed comfortable.
We Want
Child uses the same step-back action with less prompting.
Parent: Say, “You knew what to do.” End the round.
Child May
Child becomes uncomfortable as puppet gets closer.
Parent: Return to the larger distance. The goal is boundary skill, not tolerating unwanted closeness.
Reset / Repeat
One round = person/puppet is near → STEP BACK to footprints → space increases. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 18: Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOP
Activity 3
ASK FIRST Before Touching
The child practices asking before a hug, hand touch, hair touch, or other social touch. The parent is the practice partner, not another child. The parent sometimes says yes and sometimes says no so the child learns that asking does not guarantee permission.
Materials
ASK FIRST card; GENTLE HANDS card.
Set up
Sit beside the child. Put ASK FIRST and GENTLE HANDS between you. Choose only neutral touch such as high-five or touching the parent’s sleeve.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Before touching, ask first. You can ask, ‘High-five?’” Model the words or point to ASK FIRST.
We Want
Child asks before reaching.
Parent: Answer clearly: “Yes, high-five,” or “No thank you.”
Child May
Child reaches before asking.
Parent: Move your hand/body back gently. Say, “Ask first.” Prompt once.
2
Step 2 — Parent: If you say yes, offer the exact touch. If you say no, keep your body out of reach and show STOP.
We Want
Child respects the yes/no answer.
Parent: If no is respected, say, “You listened to my no.” If yes, keep touch brief.
Child May
Child continues touching after no.
Parent: Move away and say, “No means stop touching.” End the round. Do not turn consent practice into a game of repeated no.
Reset / Repeat
One round = ask → adult answers yes/no → child respects answer. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 18: Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOP
Activity 4
Parent Says STOP During Play
The child needs practice being the person who hears STOP, not only the person who says it. The parent and child roll a ball or move cars. The parent says STOP at a predictable moment, and the child practices stopping the action for one second before starting again.
Materials
STOP card; ball or toy car; optional START cue.
Set up
Sit on the floor with one shared moving toy. Keep the game calm and slow.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Roll/move the toy back and forth. Then hold up STOP and say, “STOP.”
We Want
Child stops moving the toy or keeps hands off it for about 1 second.
Parent: Say, “You stopped when I said stop.” Then say, “Go,” and continue.
Child May
Child keeps moving or sends the toy again.
Parent: Block the toy gently with your own hand, not the child’s body. Say, “STOP means the game pauses.” Restart quickly.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Repeat later with a 2-second pause.
We Want
Child stops for the slightly longer pause.
Parent: Restart promptly so STOP does not feel like ending all fun.
Child May
Child becomes frustrated by the pause.
Parent: Return to a 1-second pause. Build slowly.
Reset / Repeat
One round = play → STOP → brief pause → play resumes. Do 3 short rounds.
Behavior 18: Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOP
Activity 5
Gentle Touch – One Touch Then Hands Back
Some children touch peers repeatedly because they do not yet know how much touch is enough. The child practices one gentle touch on a stuffed animal or the parent’s offered hand, then brings hands back to their own lap/body. The goal is a clear beginning and end to touch.
Materials
GENTLE HANDS card; stuffed animal.
Set up
Put the stuffed animal on the table. Sit next to the child. Put GENTLE HANDS where it can be seen.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Model one slow pat on the stuffed animal. Say, “One gentle touch, then hands back.” Put your hands in your lap.
We Want
Child gives one gentle touch and then moves hands back.
Parent: Say, “One touch, then hands back.”
Child May
Child grabs, squeezes, or keeps touching.
Parent: Place the stuffed animal a little farther away. Say, “One touch.” Model again with your own hand.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Offer another turn only if the child is calm.
We Want
Child repeats the one-touch-and-back pattern.
Parent: Say, “You stopped your hands after one touch.”
Child May
Child does not want to touch.
Parent: Do not require it. The goal is safe boundaries, not making the child touch.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one gentle touch → hands return to own body. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 18: Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOP
Activity 6
Bubble Boundary
The parent uses an imaginary “bubble” around each person to make personal space visible. The child practices standing just outside the parent’s bubble, then stepping closer only after permission. This is a simple visual idea, not a fixed distance rule.
Materials
SPACE card; two floor circles or hoops if available.
Set up
Place two circles/hoops about 2 feet apart. Parent stands in one; child in the other.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “This is my space bubble. That is your space bubble.” Ask the child to stay in their own circle for 3 seconds.
We Want
Child keeps body inside/near own space marker.
Parent: Say, “We each have space.”
Child May
Child steps into the parent’s circle.
Parent: Step back yourself and say, “My body needs more space.” Point to the child’s circle.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Ask, “May I come closer?” Wait for the child’s yes/no before moving one step.
We Want
Child gives an answer and sees the parent respect it.
Parent: Say, “You told me what space you wanted.”
Child May
Child does not answer.
Parent: Treat no answer as no permission. Stay in your own space and continue without pressure.
Reset / Repeat
One round = separate spaces → ask before moving closer → answer is respected. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 18: Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOP
Activity 7
HELP When Someone Is Too Close
A child may know another person is too close but not know what to do next. This activity teaches HELP as a backup when STOP or stepping back is not enough. The parent creates a mild space problem with a puppet and then immediately helps when the child asks.
Materials
Puppet; HELP card; STOP card; SPACE card.
Set up
PARENT holds puppet about 2 feet away. Cards are visible. Keep plenty of room around the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Move puppet slowly closer. Say, “You can say STOP or step back.”
We Want
Child uses STOP or SPACE first.
Parent: Respect it immediately. Say, “That made space.”
Child May
Child freezes or looks uncomfortable.
Parent: Move puppet back without waiting. Say, “I saw you needed space. You can ask HELP.” Show HELP.
2
Step 2 — Parent: On the next approach, prompt HELP if the child seems unsure.
We Want
Child says/points HELP.
Parent: Say, “I will help.” Remove the puppet completely and end the round.
Child May
Child pushes the puppet away.
Parent: Move it away and say, “You needed help. Next time show HELP before touching.” Keep the next practice easier.
Reset / Repeat
One round = mild space problem → STOP/SPACE or HELP → adult increases space. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 18: Difficulty Respecting Personal Space or Another Child's STOP
Activity 8
Real Routine – One Boundary Goal
Choose one real routine where personal-space problems occur, such as line-up, table play, or dramatic play. Practice only one boundary action: STOP, STEP BACK/SPACE, ASK FIRST, or HELP. The parent stays close enough to intervene before repeated touching or pushing starts.
Materials
ONE chosen card; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose a short routine and one practiced action. Do not use another child as a planned practice target; the skill is prompted only if a real situation naturally occurs.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show the chosen card and practice it once with the parent.
We Want
Child shows the action once or watches the parent model it.
Parent: Say, “That is your space plan.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child does not want to practice.
Parent: Model once and move on. Do not require performance in front of peers.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the earliest sign of crowding or unwanted touching, prompt the card once.
We Want
Child uses the action with support and reduces contact.
Parent: Make the action work by increasing space, stopping touch, or helping immediately.
Child May
Child continues touching/pushing or ignores another child’s STOP.
Parent: Protect the other child’s space first. Say, “STOP means stop touching.” Move the activity apart and practice again later one-on-one.
Reset / Repeat
The routine is one daily practice. Record the 0–3 rating afterward.
Behavior 19: Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other Children
19
Peer Relationships & Social Skills
Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other Children
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes its meaning and a parent-use tip. The card is a visual reminder; still say and model exactly what the child should do.Observe what the play is doing before joining.
Parent help: Watching counts as a valid first step.
Behavior 19: Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other Children
19Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other ChildrenBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
WATCH FIRST, Then Choose
Some children want to join play but do not know what is happening. The child first watches a parent play for a few seconds and notices one simple action. Then the child chooses whether to copy the action or stay watching. This reduces the pressure to immediately “go play.”
Materials
WATCH FIRST card; simple toy set with two similar pieces.
Set up
PARENT plays with one toy. CHILD sits nearby with a matching or similar toy available.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show WATCH FIRST. Say, “Watch what I do.” Do one simple action, such as roll a car down a ramp.
We Want
Child watches, looks briefly, or stays near the activity.
Parent: Say, “You saw the car go down.”
Child May
Child looks elsewhere or walks away.
Parent: Do not demand watching. Make the action shorter/funnier once, then end. Try again another time.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “You can try it or keep watching.” Point to the child’s toy.
We Want
Child copies the action or chooses to continue watching.
Parent: If child joins, say, “You joined with the same play.” If watching, say, “Watching is okay.”
Child May
Child uses the toy in a different safe way.
Parent: Accept it. The goal is comfortable participation, not exact imitation.
Reset / Repeat
One round = watch one action → choose try or watch. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 19: Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other Children
Activity 2
CAN I PLAY? With the Parent
The child practices a simple entry phrase with the parent before using it with peers. The parent is already playing with toys, and the child approaches, asks “Can I play?” or shows the card, then receives a clear, welcoming answer.
Materials
CAN I PLAY? card; two or three play materials.
Set up
PARENT starts playing at a table or floor area. CHILD begins a few feet away with the card.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Come over when you are ready. If you want to join, show CAN I PLAY?” Continue playing.
We Want
Child approaches and says/points CAN I PLAY.
Parent: Smile and say, “Yes. You can play here.” Make room immediately.
Child May
Child walks into the play without asking.
Parent: That is not automatically wrong. Say, “You came to play. Let’s practice asking one time.” Prompt the card, then welcome the child.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Give the child one clear role: “You can drive this car,” or “You can add this block.”
We Want
Child begins one simple play action near the parent.
Parent: Say, “Now you are in the play.” Keep the play going briefly.
Child May
Child freezes after being welcomed.
Parent: Offer one concrete action and model it. Avoid broad questions like “What do you want to do?”
Reset / Repeat
One round = approach → ask to play → parent welcomes → one simple play action. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 19: Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other Children
Activity 3
Join by Matching the Play
Children often enter play more successfully when they first do something that fits the play already happening. The parent demonstrates this one-on-one. The child practices choosing a matching action rather than changing the whole game immediately.
Materials
JOIN IN card; two similar cars/animals/blocks.
Set up
PARENT starts one simple pretend or construction action. CHILD has a similar item.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “I am making my car drive to the garage. To join, your car can drive here too.” Show JOIN IN.
We Want
Child makes one action that fits the parent’s play.
Parent: Say, “That matched the play. You joined in.”
Child May
Child immediately changes the game, such as knocking the garage down.
Parent: Keep it neutral: “You have another idea. First try one join-in action.” Model the matching action once.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After one matching action, say, “Now you can add an idea.”
We Want
Child adds an idea after first joining the existing play.
Parent: Follow one safe idea if possible.
Child May
Child does not want to add an idea.
Parent: Continue the simple shared play. Adding an idea is optional.
Reset / Repeat
One round = observe play → one matching action → optional new idea. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 19: Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other Children
Activity 4
PLAY TOGETHER for 30 Seconds
The goal is not long social play. The parent and child practice staying in one shared activity for only a short, predictable amount of time. A very small duration lets the child experience success and an ending before the interaction becomes difficult.
Materials
PLAY TOGETHER card; timer; simple preferred activity.
Set up
Choose an activity the child already enjoys. Set a timer for 20–30 seconds.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show PLAY TOGETHER. Say, “We will play together until the timer.” Start the timer and begin one simple shared action.
We Want
Child remains near the shared activity for part or all of the short time.
Parent: Use minimal praise: “We are playing together.” Keep the interaction easy.
Child May
Child turns away or plays separately.
Parent: Do not pull the child back. Move your play near the child if welcome. Count partial participation as practice.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When timer ends, show ALL DONE and say, “Together play is finished.”
We Want
Child experiences a clear ending without being required to continue.
Parent: Say, “We finished our together time.”
Child May
Child wants to continue.
Parent: Continue if enjoyable. The timer is a minimum practice period, not a forced stop.
Reset / Repeat
One round = short together play → clear ending. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 19: Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other Children
Activity 5
Two-Person Job
Some children interact more easily when there is a simple job rather than open-ended pretend play. The parent and child complete a task that needs two roles, such as one person holding a basket while the other puts blocks in. The roles create a natural reason to coordinate.
Materials
TOGETHER card; basket; 4–6 blocks or beanbags.
Set up
PARENT holds the basket. CHILD has 3 blocks. Put TOGETHER where both can see it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “We have a together job. I hold. You put one block in.”
We Want
Child completes the role while parent holds the basket.
Parent: Say, “We did that together.”
Child May
Child tries to take the basket too.
Parent: Let the child switch roles: “You can hold next. First put one, then we switch.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Switch roles: child holds basket, parent puts one block in.
We Want
Child stays engaged while roles change.
Parent: Say, “Now you helped me.”
Child May
Child walks away after first role.
Parent: End the activity. One shared action still counts as successful practice.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child role → switch → parent role. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 19: Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other Children
Activity 6
Ask for HELP to Enter Play
A child may want to join peers but feel unsure how. HELP becomes a bridge: the child asks the parent, and the parent gives one specific entry idea instead of simply saying “go play.” This is especially useful before peer practice.
Materials
HELP card; CAN I PLAY? card; a small play setup.
Set up
PARENT creates a simple play scene. CHILD stands/sits nearby.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “If you want to join and do not know how, show HELP.”
We Want
Child says/points HELP.
Parent: Say, “I will help you join. First, carry this car over.” Give one concrete action.
Child May
Child says “I don’t know” or stays still.
Parent: Treat that as asking for help. Say, “You need help. Here is one job.” Keep it very simple.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the child completes the entry action, show CAN I PLAY? and model the phrase once.
We Want
Child uses the phrase/card or continues playing after parent support.
Parent: Say, “You got into the play with help.”
Child May
Child is comfortable playing but does not use the phrase.
Parent: Do not interrupt successful play just to get the words. The social connection matters more than perfect scripting.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child asks HELP → parent gives one entry action → play begins. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 19: Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other Children
Activity 7
Practice a Small Group of Two
Before joining a larger group, the child practices with just one parent and one familiar peer for a very short activity. The parent gives each child a clear role. This reduces the language, waiting, and unpredictability of a bigger group.
Materials
PLAY TOGETHER card; simple activity with two roles; optional timer.
Set up
Choose a familiar peer who is comfortable participating. Keep the group at two children plus parent. Do not use the peer to correct or manage the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Tell both children the roles: “You roll the ball. You catch it.” Demonstrate once.
We Want
Child completes one role near the peer.
Parent: Say, “You played one part together.”
Child May
Child watches but does not participate.
Parent: Allow watching for one turn. Offer the role again without pressure.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Switch the roles for one more turn.
We Want
Child tolerates the role change and remains with the small group.
Parent: End after the second successful turn.
Child May
Child becomes overwhelmed or leaves.
Parent: Let the child leave. Return to one-on-one practice before trying the small group again.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one role → switch roles → finish. One round is enough at first.
Behavior 19: Difficulty Joining or Maintaining Play With Other Children
Activity 8
Real Play Routine – One Joining Goal
Choose one predictable play period and one joining action only: WATCH FIRST, CAN I PLAY?, JOIN IN, or HELP. The parent does not require the child to stay in peer play for a set amount of time. Success may be approaching, asking, doing one shared action, or leaving appropriately.
Materials
ONE chosen joining card; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose a familiar play area and a calm time. Practice the selected action one-on-one before peer play begins.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before play, show the chosen card and rehearse one time with the parent.
We Want
Child shows the action once or watches the parent model.
Parent: Say, “That is your joining plan.”
Child May
Child refuses the rehearsal.
Parent: Model once and move on. Do not make social participation a performance.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When a natural opportunity appears, prompt the card once and help with one concrete next step.
We Want
Child approaches/asks/joins for at least one moment with support.
Parent: Stay nearby but reduce talking once play begins.
Child May
Child decides not to join or leaves quickly.
Parent: Respect the choice. Record what the child could tolerate and try a smaller step next time.
Reset / Repeat
The play period is one daily practice. Track one joining goal at a time.
Behavior 20: Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different Ideas
20
Peer Relationships & Social Skills
Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different Ideas
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes its meaning and a parent-use tip. The card is a visual reminder; still say and model exactly what the child should do.The child’s idea gets a turn.
Parent help: Follow one safe idea so the child knows their plan matters.
Behavior 20: Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different Ideas
20Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different IdeasBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
MY IDEA – YOUR IDEA
The parent and child take turns contributing one idea to a simple play activity. The parent makes both ideas small and acceptable. The child learns that their idea can happen AND another person’s idea can happen next; accepting another idea does not erase the child’s own idea.
Materials
MY IDEA card; YOUR IDEA card; blocks/cars/pretend toys.
Set up
Sit with the child at a simple play setup. Put both idea cards between you.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MY IDEA and say, “Your idea first. Show me one thing you want to do.”
We Want
Child chooses one safe play action.
Parent: Follow the child’s idea for about 10 seconds. Say, “We did your idea.”
Child May
Child gives a very large or unsafe idea.
Parent: Keep the ownership but limit the action: “Your idea is crashing. We can crash soft blocks here.” Offer a safe version.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show YOUR IDEA and say, “Now my idea: the car parks here.” Do one small action.
We Want
Child allows the parent’s different idea to happen without stopping or undoing it.
Parent: Say, “We did my idea too. Both ideas fit.”
Child May
Child immediately undoes the parent’s action or says no.
Parent: Keep your idea smaller and shorter. Say, “You do not have to like my idea. Let it happen for one turn, then your idea comes back.”
Reset / Repeat
One round = child idea → parent idea → child idea returns. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 20: Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different Ideas
Activity 2
TRY THEIR WAY for One Turn
The child practices doing another person’s idea for only one brief turn. The parent chooses a very easy variation so the change is manageable. After that one turn, the child may return to their preferred way. This teaches flexibility in a small, predictable dose.
Materials
TRY THEIR WAY card; familiar toy/activity.
Set up
Choose an activity the child already enjoys. Decide on one tiny change, such as a different car path or block color.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “We will try my way one time, then your way.” Show TRY THEIR WAY. Demonstrate the tiny change.
We Want
Child allows or copies the different way for one turn.
Parent: Say, “You tried a different way.” Immediately return to the child’s preferred version.
Child May
Child says no or becomes tense.
Parent: Make the change smaller. For example, place one block differently instead of changing the whole structure.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After returning to the child’s way, ask, “Do you want one more different-way turn or all done?”
We Want
Child chooses more or all done.
Parent: Respect the choice.
Child May
Child does not answer.
Parent: Treat no answer as all done. End the flexibility practice successfully.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one tiny different way → return to child’s way → choice to continue/end. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 20: Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different Ideas
Activity 3
CHOOSE TOGETHER Between Two Options
Instead of one person controlling the whole activity, the parent and child make one decision together from two acceptable choices. The parent first hears the child’s choice, then shares their own preference, and helps find an option both can accept.
Materials
CHOOSE TOGETHER card; two play options/items.
Set up
Place two choices on the table, such as red blocks or blue blocks, or cars or animals.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Ask, “Which do you want?” Let the child choose. Then say, “I like the other one. How can we choose together?”
We Want
Child stays with the discussion without grabbing both or ending the activity.
Parent: Say, “We both have ideas.” Offer a fair plan such as “red first, blue next.”
Child May
Child insists only their choice can happen.
Parent: Validate and keep the plan small: “You really want red. We can do red first, then one blue piece.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Carry out the shared plan exactly as stated.
We Want
Child experiences their preference being included along with another choice.
Parent: Say, “We chose together. Your choice was included.”
Child May
Child becomes upset when the second option begins.
Parent: Shorten the second part to one small action, then return to the preferred choice. Build flexibility gradually.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child preference → other preference named → small shared plan → both happen. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 20: Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different Ideas
Activity 4
Flexible Build – Keep One Thing, Change One Thing
When children are rigid about play, changing everything at once can feel too hard. This activity keeps most of the child’s plan the same and changes only one small piece. The child learns that a play plan can bend without disappearing.
Materials
FLEXIBLE PLAN card; 5–8 blocks or construction pieces.
Set up
Let the child build a simple structure first. Parent keeps hands off until invited to add one piece.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “We will keep your building. I want to add one block here.” Show FLEXIBLE PLAN and point to one spot.
We Want
Child allows one small change while the rest of the structure stays the same.
Parent: Say, “Most stayed your way. One thing changed.”
Child May
Child removes the parent’s block immediately.
Parent: Do not replace it repeatedly. Say, “That change was too much.” Next round ask where the parent may add one piece.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Ask, “Where could my one block go?” Offer two spots if needed.
We Want
Child chooses a place for the parent’s contribution.
Parent: Put it there exactly. Say, “You helped the plan bend.”
Child May
Child says nowhere.
Parent: Accept it. End the activity and try again later with a less valued structure.
Reset / Repeat
One round = keep child plan → add/change one small thing → finish. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 20: Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different Ideas
Activity 5
Puppet Has a Different Idea
A puppet introduces a different play idea, which can feel less personal than a parent changing the child’s plan directly. The child practices hearing the different idea, choosing whether to try it for one turn, and then returning to the original play.
Materials
Puppet; MY IDEA card; YOUR IDEA card; TRY THEIR WAY card; simple toys.
Set up
CHILD starts a play idea. PARENT controls the puppet at the edge of the play space.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Have puppet say, “I have a different idea. Can my car go here one time?” Show YOUR IDEA.
We Want
Child allows one puppet action or answers yes/no safely.
Parent: If yes, do one quick action. If no, say, “You said no.” Then ask if there is another place the puppet may play.
Child May
Child grabs or pushes puppet away.
Parent: Move puppet back. Say, “You wanted your plan. Use words/card to tell Puppy.” Prompt MY IDEA or no once.
2
Step 2 — Parent: If the child accepts one puppet idea, immediately say, “Now back to your idea.”
We Want
Child sees that allowing another idea does not end their own plan.
Parent: Follow the child’s play again.
Child May
Child wants only the puppet’s idea now.
Parent: That is fine. Flexibility includes changing preference. Follow the new safe idea.
Reset / Repeat
One round = puppet offers different idea → one turn or safe no → child’s plan continues. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 20: Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different Ideas
Activity 6
Take Turns Being the Leader
The child and parent alternate who chooses the next simple action. The leader role is very short, so the child practices both leading and following. The parent makes their own leadership turn easy and predictable.
Materials
MY IDEA card; YOUR IDEA card; timer or 10-count; simple movement/play activity.
Set up
Choose an activity with easy choices, such as animal moves, blocks, or car paths.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MY IDEA: “You lead for one turn. Pick one action.” Follow the child’s safe action.
We Want
Child chooses and sees parent follow.
Parent: Say, “You were the leader.”
Child May
Child tries to keep leading for many turns.
Parent: Acknowledge: “You have more ideas. Save one. Now my turn to lead one thing.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show YOUR IDEA and choose one easy action. Then return MY IDEA to the child.
We Want
Child follows the parent’s one action before leading again.
Parent: Say, “You followed one turn, and now you lead again.”
Child May
Child refuses the parent-led action.
Parent: Make it smaller or offer two parent-led choices. Do not force physical participation.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child leads one → parent leads one → child leads again. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 20: Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different Ideas
Activity 7
When a Peer Says “Different Idea”
The child practices hearing a phrase that may happen in real peer play: “I have a different idea.” The parent role-plays the peer first. The child practices one safe response: “okay,” “my idea next,” “no thank you,” or asking to choose together.
Materials
YOUR IDEA card; MY IDEA card; CHOOSE TOGETHER card.
Set up
Sit with a simple shared toy. Tell the child this is pretend practice with the parent, not a real peer conflict.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “I have a different idea.” Show YOUR IDEA. Pause.
We Want
Child stays safe and uses any practiced response such as “okay,” “my idea next,” or CHOOSE TOGETHER.
Parent: Honor the response. If “my idea next,” do your idea briefly and return the turn. If “no,” negotiate another option.
Child May
Child yells, grabs, or destroys the play.
Parent: Pause the toys. Say, “Different ideas can feel hard. Pick one response card.” Offer MY IDEA or CHOOSE TOGETHER, then restart smaller.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Repeat with an even smaller different idea.
We Want
Child responds with less support.
Parent: Say, “You handled a different idea without losing your whole plan.”
Child May
Child does not want another round.
Parent: End. One successful response is enough.
Reset / Repeat
One round = hear “different idea” → use one safe response → parent follows the agreement. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 20: Controlling Play / Upset When Peers Have Different Ideas
Activity 8
Real Peer Play – One Flexibility Goal
Choose one short peer-play period and one flexibility action only: MY IDEA/YOUR IDEA, TRY THEIR WAY for one turn, CHOOSE TOGETHER, or take turns leading. The parent does not force the child to accept every peer idea. The goal is to tolerate one small shared decision while keeping play safe.
Materials
ONE chosen flexibility card; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose a familiar peer and a low-conflict play area if possible. Practice the selected action with the parent first.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before peer play, show the chosen card and rehearse one tiny example.
We Want
Child shows the action once or watches the model.
Parent: Say, “That is your plan when someone has another idea.”
Child May
Child refuses the rehearsal.
Parent: Model once and move on. Do not make the child perform socially.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When a real difference in ideas appears, prompt the card once and help make the compromise small.
We Want
Child allows one peer idea, takes turns with ideas, or uses a safe “no/next” response.
Parent: Acknowledge the specific flexibility and then reduce adult talking.
Child May
Child becomes very upset or tries to control/undo peer play.
Parent: Separate the play if needed, keep both children safe, and return to one-on-one flexibility practice later. Do not shame the child for preferring their own idea.
Reset / Repeat
The peer-play period is one daily practice. Track one flexibility goal at a time.
Behavior 21: Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated Area
21
Impulse, Attention & Sensory Regulation
Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated Area
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
This Card is Used in Activities: 1, 2, 3, 18, 21, 28
Each card includes the explanation and a short parent help tip on the card itself. The card word is only a reminder; the parent should still say and model the exact action.Freeze or stop moving when the parent gives the safety cue.
Parent help: Use STOP only when it matters and respond calmly; do not turn stopping into a chase game.
Behavior 21: Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated Area
21Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated AreaBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
STOP – COME BACK Practice in a Safe Room
The child practices hearing STOP and returning to the parent in a safe, enclosed play area before the skill is needed near a doorway or playground boundary. The parent never creates a real escape situation. The child learns that STOP means freeze the body, and COME BACK means move back toward the parent.
Materials
STOP card; COME BACK card; floor marker; preferred small toy.
Set up
Use a closed, safe room. Put a floor marker 4–6 feet from the parent. CHILD starts beside the parent. Keep doors secured according to center policy.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Walk to the spot.” When the child reaches it, show STOP and say, “STOP.”
We Want
Child stops moving for about 1 second.
Parent: Say, “You stopped your body.” Immediately show COME BACK.
Child May
Child keeps walking or runs past the spot.
Parent: Do not chase as a game. Move to block access to unsafe areas, calmly guide the practice back to the starting place, and shorten the distance.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show COME BACK and say, “Come back to me.” Hold the preferred toy near your body as a visual destination.
We Want
Child walks back toward the parent.
Parent: Say, “You came back.” Give 5–10 seconds with the toy.
Child May
Child stays at the spot or moves away.
Parent: Move closer and reduce the distance. Say, “Come with me,” and walk together back to the start.
Reset / Repeat
One round = walk to spot → STOP → COME BACK → return. Do 2–3 rounds only while calm.
Behavior 21: Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated Area
Activity 2
WALK WITH ME Between Two Points
This activity teaches the child what staying with an adult actually looks like. The parent and child walk only a few feet between two visible points. The goal is not holding hands unless that is already appropriate for the child; the goal is staying close enough to move safely together.
Materials
WALK WITH ME card; two floor markers or cones.
Set up
Place two markers about 6 feet apart in a safe indoor area. CHILD and PARENT start together at Marker A.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show WALK WITH ME. Say, “We walk together to the blue spot.” Begin walking at a comfortable pace.
We Want
Child stays within about one arm’s length of the parent while moving toward Marker B.
Parent: Say, “We stayed together.” Stop at Marker B.
Child May
Child moves far ahead or turns away.
Parent: Stop walking. Say, “Come back beside me.” Wait or move closer; then restart from a shorter distance.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At Marker B, turn around and say, “Now together back to the first spot.”
We Want
Child returns with the parent.
Parent: Say, “You walked with me both ways.”
Child May
Child wants to run back.
Parent: Offer a controlled choice: “Walk beside me or carry this small job.” Do not turn running away into a race.
Reset / Repeat
One round = A to B together → B to A together. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 21: Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated Area
Activity 3
BOUNDARY Line Game
The child learns a visible boundary before needing to follow an invisible household rule such as “stay in this area.” A tape line or cones make the limit concrete. The parent practices approaching the line, stopping, and turning back without crossing.
Materials
BOUNDARY card; painter’s tape or cones; one toy inside the boundary.
Set up
Make a clear line in a safe room. Put the toy several feet inside the allowed area. Never place the line near a real hazard or exit.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show BOUNDARY. Walk with the child toward the line. Say, “This line means stop.” Stop one step before it.
We Want
Child stops at or before the line.
Parent: Say, “You stayed inside the boundary.” Point back toward the toy.
Child May
Child steps across the line.
Parent: Calmly block further movement and say, “Back inside.” Step back together; do not scold.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Turn back to the toy.” Walk back inside the area.
We Want
Child turns and returns inside.
Parent: Say, “You stopped and came back.” Let the child play briefly.
Child May
Child repeatedly crosses the line.
Parent: Make the practice easier: increase distance from the line and practice STOP first. End before the child becomes dysregulated.
Reset / Repeat
One round = approach boundary → stop → turn back. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 21: Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated Area
Activity 4
CHECK IN Before Moving Away
Some children leave because they move quickly toward something interesting without checking where the adult is. This activity teaches a simple check-in routine: pause near the parent, point/show where the child wants to go, receive the parent’s answer, then move.
Materials
CHECK IN card; two interesting objects placed in the room.
Set up
Put one object 5–6 feet to the left and one 5–6 feet to the right. CHILD starts beside PARENT.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show CHECK IN. Say, “Before you go, check in. Show me where you want to go.”
We Want
Child points, looks, gestures, or says which object they want.
Parent: Say, “You checked in. Yes, let’s go,” or give a clear safe alternative.
Child May
Child immediately runs toward an object.
Parent: Move to keep the child safe. Bring the child back only as much as needed and say, “Show me first.” Make the next distance shorter.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the child checks in, walk together toward the chosen object.
We Want
Child waits for the parent’s answer and then moves with the parent.
Parent: Say, “Check first, then go.”
Child May
Child becomes upset by waiting.
Parent: Make the answer immediate on the next round. Build only a tiny pause later.
Reset / Repeat
One round = check in → parent answers → move together. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 21: Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated Area
Activity 5
COME BACK for a Helpful Job
Returning to an adult can feel more meaningful when there is a clear job waiting. The parent calls the child back from only a few feet away and immediately gives a simple helper action. This makes coming back an active skill rather than merely stopping fun.
Materials
COME BACK card; CARRY JOB card or small lightweight item; basket.
Set up
In a safe enclosed room, place a basket beside the parent. CHILD starts 4 feet away.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show COME BACK and say, “Come back. I have a helper job.”
We Want
Child moves toward the parent.
Parent: Say, “You came back. Carry this to the basket.” Hand over the item.
Child May
Child ignores the call.
Parent: Move closer, show the card at the child’s level, and say once, “Come with me.” Walk together.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Point to the basket and say, “Put it here.”
We Want
Child completes the helper action.
Parent: Say, “Coming back gave you a job.”
Child May
Child returns but does not want the job.
Parent: That is okay. Praise the return itself and end the round.
Reset / Repeat
One round = COME BACK → return → optional helper job. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 21: Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated Area
Activity 6
HELP When You Want to Leave
Running away can sometimes communicate “this is too hard,” “too loud,” or “I need space.” The child practices asking HELP or BREAK before leaving the area. The parent makes the request work by helping or moving to a safe planned space.
Materials
HELP card; BREAK card; designated nearby calm area.
Set up
Practice in the room when the child is calm. Identify one approved nearby break location that remains supervised.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “If you want to leave, do not run. Show HELP or BREAK.” Point to both cards.
We Want
Child selects HELP or BREAK.
Parent: Immediately respond: “You asked for a break. We will walk there together.”
Child May
Child turns and starts moving away quickly.
Parent: Move to maintain safety and say, “Walk with me.” Guide toward the approved space rather than chasing.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Walk together to the calm area and stay nearby.
We Want
Child reaches the safe break area with the parent.
Parent: Say, “You got space without running away.”
Child May
Child does not want the break after asking.
Parent: Allow the child to stay. The important skill was communicating before leaving.
Reset / Repeat
One round = request HELP/BREAK → walk together → safe space. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 21: Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated Area
Activity 7
Doorway Pause Practice
Doorways are common places where running ahead becomes dangerous. The child practices pausing at a doorway while the door remains under adult control. The parent never opens access to an unsafe hallway or outdoor area until the child is positioned safely.
Materials
STOP card; WAIT card; floor marker placed inside the room.
Set up
Put a marker 2–3 feet inside a secured doorway. Keep the door closed during the first practice.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Walk together to the marker. Show STOP and say, “Stop on the spot.”
We Want
Child stops on or near the marker.
Parent: Say, “You stopped before the door.”
Child May
Child rushes toward the door.
Parent: Keep the door secured and use your body position to block access without turning it into a game. Return to the marker and shorten the approach.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show WAIT. Pause 1 second, then say, “Now we walk together.” If appropriate, open the door while staying beside the child.
We Want
Child waits briefly and moves only when the parent says go.
Parent: Say, “You waited for the parent.”
Child May
Child cannot wait safely.
Parent: Keep the door closed. Practice WAIT away from the doorway first, then return another day.
Reset / Repeat
One round = stop at marker → brief WAIT → move together if safe. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 21: Running Away From Parent / Group / Designated Area
Activity 8
Real Routine – One Staying-With-Parent Goal
Choose one real routine where the child often leaves the group and teach only one small safety goal, such as STOP at the doorway, WALK WITH ME to the playground, or CHECK IN before moving to another area. Keeping one goal for several days follows the ZPD approach and makes progress easier to see.
Materials
ONE chosen card; tracking sheet; normal routine materials.
Set up
Choose one predictable routine and one specific action. Increase staffing/support if the routine has a real running-away risk.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show the chosen card and practice the action once in a safe area.
We Want
Child attempts the action with support.
Parent: Say, “That is our safety plan.” Begin the real routine.
Child May
Child refuses the preview.
Parent: Model once. Do not turn the preview into a struggle; increase adult proximity during the real routine.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the earliest sign the child may leave, show the same card once and move close enough to keep the child safe.
We Want
Child uses the practiced action before leaving the area.
Parent: Respond immediately and record the 0–3 rating after the routine.
Child May
Child runs or repeatedly attempts to leave.
Parent: Prioritize safety and follow your family’s plan for running away. Do not continue teaching in the middle of an unsafe event.
Reset / Repeat
The real routine is one daily practice. Keep the same goal until it becomes easier.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes the explanation and a short parent help tip on the card itself. The card word is only a reminder; the parent should still say and model the exact action.Stop for a very short moment before touching, grabbing, or moving.
Parent help: Begin with about one second, then immediately allow the safe next action.
The child practices a very short pause before touching an interesting object. The pause is only one second at first. This creates a small space between “I see it” and “I touch it,” which is the beginning of impulse control.
Materials
PAUSE card; interesting toy; table.
Set up
Put the toy on the table about 18 inches from the child. PARENT sits beside or across from the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Point to PAUSE and say, “Hands wait one second.” Count “one.”
We Want
Child keeps hands back for the one-second pause.
Parent: Say, “Pause finished. You may touch it.”
Child May
Child reaches immediately.
Parent: Gently move the toy out of reach, not the child’s hands. Say, “Pause first.” Try again with the toy farther away.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Repeat with a different small object and the same one-second pause.
We Want
Child begins to wait after seeing PAUSE.
Parent: Give access immediately after the pause.
Child May
Child becomes frustrated by the pause.
Parent: Make it nearly immediate: “Pause… go.” Increase time only after success.
Reset / Repeat
One round = see object → PAUSE → one count → access. Do 3 short rounds.
Children often grab materials before an activity is ready. The parent practices a tiny setup period where the child’s hands have a clear place to wait. The child then gets access as soon as setup is complete.
Materials
HANDS WAIT card; 3 blocks or art materials; small tray.
Set up
Place the tray in front of the child. Keep materials in the parent’s hands at first.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show HANDS WAIT and say, “Hands wait while I put out two blocks.” Place two blocks slowly.
We Want
Child keeps hands on own body, lap, or table edge without grabbing.
Parent: Say, “Ready. Now you can build.”
Child May
Child grabs during setup.
Parent: Pause setup and hold remaining materials closer. Say, “Hands wait until ready.” Resume as soon as hands are back.
2
Step 2 — Parent: On the next round, set out three materials before saying “Ready.”
We Want
Child waits a little longer while materials appear.
Parent: Release the activity immediately when ready.
Child May
Child can manage only one material being placed.
Parent: Return to one item. Build the skill gradually rather than making the child fail.
Reset / Repeat
One round = HANDS WAIT → parent sets up → READY/access. Do 2–3 rounds.
The child practices asking before taking an object from the parent. This replaces the quick grab with one simple communication action. The parent answers immediately so the child experiences that asking is efficient.
Materials
ASK FIRST card; preferred toy.
Set up
PARENT holds the toy. CHILD has empty hands and enough space to avoid grabbing.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show the toy. Point to ASK FIRST and say, “Ask before taking.”
We Want
Child says/points ASK FIRST or MY TURN.
Parent: Say, “Yes. You asked.” Immediately offer the toy.
Child May
Child grabs.
Parent: Bring the toy close to your body and say, “Ask first.” Prompt the card once; then offer quickly.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After 10 seconds, ask for the toy back with warning: “One more turn, then my hands.”
We Want
Child returns the toy with support so another round can begin.
Parent: Say, “Now you can ask again.”
Child May
Child does not return the toy.
Parent: Do not pull it away. End the round and use a second toy next time.
Reset / Repeat
One round = see toy → ASK FIRST → receive toy. Do 2–3 rounds.
When many objects are available, some children touch or grab everything at once. The parent limits the number of items and teaches “one at a time.” The child finishes with or puts down one item before receiving the next.
Materials
ONE AT A TIME card; 3 interesting objects; small basket.
Set up
Keep all three objects in the parent’s basket. Put only one object on the table.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show ONE AT A TIME. Say, “One toy now.” Give Object 1.
We Want
Child explores Object 1 without reaching into the basket.
Parent: Say, “You have one.” Let the child use it briefly.
Child May
Child reaches for the basket.
Parent: Move basket farther away. Point to the current object and say, “One at a time.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “Put this one down, then choose the next.” Hold out the basket or a marked place.
We Want
Child releases Object 1 and selects Object 2.
Parent: Say, “You finished one, then got another.”
Child May
Child wants to hold both.
Parent: Use two very different objects and physically keep the second unavailable until the first is down. Keep language neutral.
Reset / Repeat
One round = use one item → put it down → receive next. Do 2 rounds.
The child practices moving through a short path without rushing, pushing ahead, or touching every object. The path is deliberately simple and has only two stopping points. The goal is controlled movement, not perfect stillness.
Materials
SLOW BODY card; two cones or floor spots; lightweight object to carry.
Set up
Place two markers 6 feet apart. Keep the area clear. Give the child one light object to carry if helpful.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show SLOW BODY and say, “Walk to the first spot with me.” Walk at a steady pace.
We Want
Child moves near the parent without rushing far ahead.
Parent: Say, “Your body stayed with the path.”
Child May
Child runs ahead.
Parent: Stop. Do not chase. Say, “Come back to this spot.” Restart with a shorter distance.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first spot, pause one count, then walk to the second spot.
We Want
Child pauses briefly before continuing.
Parent: Say, “Pause, then go.”
Child May
Child keeps moving through the stop.
Parent: Use a larger floor marker and model standing on it first without walking the path.
Reset / Repeat
One round = walk → pause at spot → walk → finish. Do 2 rounds.
The child sees two possible actions and practices stopping before choosing one. This keeps the thinking demand small: there are only two options, both acceptable. The parent helps the child experience that pausing can lead to a choice rather than an impulsive action.
Materials
STOP card; CHOOSE 1 card; two toys or activities.
Set up
Place two choices on opposite sides of the table. CHILD starts with hands empty.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show STOP and say, “Stop hands.” Then point to both options: “Choose one.”
We Want
Child pauses and points to or names one choice.
Parent: Say, “You chose this one.” Give only that item.
Child May
Child grabs both.
Parent: Move both slightly back. Say, “One choice.” Help the child point to one; then give it.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After a short turn, say, “All done or choose the other one?”
We Want
Child makes another choice rather than grabbing automatically.
Parent: Follow the choice.
Child May
Child cannot choose.
Parent: Choose for the child and say, “I will help choose this time.” Keep the routine calm.
Reset / Repeat
One round = STOP → choose one → access. Do 2–3 rounds.
The child practices checking the parent before moving to the next part of a routine. This is useful for children who push to the front, rush through doors, or move before instructions are finished. CHECK is a brief pause for information, not a demand for eye contact.
Materials
CHECK IN card; two floor spots; simple two-step activity.
Set up
Put one spot beside the parent and one several feet away.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Stand together on the first spot. Show CHECK IN and say, “Check before you go.” Give one clear direction: “Next spot.”
We Want
Child pauses near parent long enough to receive the direction.
Parent: Say, “You checked. Now go.”
Child May
Child moves before the direction.
Parent: Bring the next spot closer and make the direction immediate after the check.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Repeat with a second simple direction, such as “Bring the beanbag.”
We Want
Child pauses, hears the step, then acts.
Parent: Say, “Check first helped you know what comes next.”
Child May
Child cannot pause safely.
Parent: Return to the PAUSE activity before using this in movement routines.
Reset / Repeat
One round = CHECK → one direction → move. Do 2 rounds.
Choose one real routine and one small action only, such as HANDS WAIT while snack is served, PAUSE before touching art supplies, or CHECK before going through the door. The same cue is used for several days so the child gets repeated practice in one predictable situation.
Materials
ONE chosen card; tracking sheet; routine materials.
Set up
Choose one short routine where impulsive behavior is common and decide the exact action to practice.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, practice the chosen action once while calm.
We Want
Child attempts the action with support.
Parent: Say, “That is our plan.” Begin the routine.
Child May
Child refuses the practice.
Parent: Model once and continue. Keep adult support close during the routine.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first likely impulse moment, show the card once before the child acts.
We Want
Child pauses or uses the planned action, even briefly.
Parent: Respond immediately and record the 0–3 rating afterward.
Child May
Child acts impulsively before the cue.
Parent: Keep everyone safe, reset the situation if possible, and cue earlier next time rather than giving a long correction.
Reset / Repeat
The real routine is one daily practice. Keep the same goal for several days.
Behavior 23: Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group Participation
23
Impulse, Attention & Sensory Regulation
Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group Participation
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes the explanation and a short parent help tip on the card itself. The card word is only a reminder; the parent should still say and model the exact action.Stay near a marked place at the edge or inside the group area for a short time. The child may stand, wiggle, or sit comfortably.
Behavior 23: Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group Participation
23Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group ParticipationBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
GROUP SPOT for 10 Seconds
The child practices being in the group area for only a very short, predictable time. The goal is not sitting perfectly or looking at the parent. The child may stand, wiggle, or use a comfortable position as long as the body remains safe and the child stays near the group spot.
Materials
GROUP SPOT card; floor marker; 10-second timer; preferred short group object such as a song prop.
Set up
Place the marker at the edge of the group area where the child can leave safely with parent support.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show GROUP SPOT. Say, “Stay near this spot until the timer.” Start 10 seconds.
We Want
Child remains near the spot for some or all of the 10 seconds.
Parent: Say, “You stayed with the group spot.” Keep the activity interesting and brief.
Child May
Child moves away immediately.
Parent: Do not pull the child back. Shorten to 3–5 seconds or move the spot farther to the edge.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When timer ends, show ALL DONE and say, “Group practice finished.”
We Want
Child experiences a clear ending and may leave.
Parent: Say, “All done means you may move.”
Child May
Child wants to stay.
Parent: Allow it. The timer sets a minimum practice, not a forced ending.
Reset / Repeat
One round = group spot → short timer → ALL DONE. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 23: Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group Participation
Activity 2
WATCH FIRST at Story Time
Some children are not ready to participate actively but can learn by watching from the edge. The parent gives permission to WATCH FIRST and later offers one simple joining action. This reduces pressure and can make group participation feel safer.
Materials
WATCH FIRST card; GROUP SPOT card; one familiar song or book prop.
Set up
Use one-on-one practice first or place the child at the edge of a very small group.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show WATCH FIRST. Say, “You can watch while I do one song action.” Do one familiar movement.
We Want
Child remains nearby and watches, listens, or simply tolerates the activity.
Parent: Say, “Watching is part of learning.”
Child May
Child looks away or fidgets.
Parent: Do not require eye contact. Continue one short action if the child remains safely nearby.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Say, “If you want, do this one action with me.” Model one clap/tap/gesture.
We Want
Child copies, partially copies, or chooses to keep watching.
Parent: Accept either. If child joins, say, “You joined one part.”
Child May
Child leaves.
Parent: Let the child leave safely and try a shorter watch period next time.
Reset / Repeat
One round = WATCH FIRST → optional one action → finish. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 23: Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group Participation
Activity 3
ONE GROUP TURN
Instead of asking the child to stay for an entire group activity, the child practices completing one clear turn and then is allowed to be all done. A single turn makes the expectation concrete and reachable.
Materials
ONE GROUP TURN card; ball, beanbag, or simple group prop; ALL DONE card.
Set up
Practice one-on-one first. Parent holds the prop; child sits/stands near the group spot.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show ONE GROUP TURN. Say, “Your one turn is roll the ball to me.” Roll it gently to the child.
We Want
Child rolls, hands, or moves the ball back toward the parent.
Parent: Say, “That was your group turn.”
Child May
Child does not touch the ball.
Parent: Move it closer and offer a simpler action: “Push it one inch.” Any intentional participation counts.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show ALL DONE and say, “Your one turn is finished.”
We Want
Child leaves or stays by choice.
Parent: Honor the ending.
Child May
Child wants another turn.
Parent: Give another if the activity is going well. The one-turn rule is a minimum goal.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one simple group action → ALL DONE. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 23: Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group Participation
Activity 4
MY JOB in the Group
A child may stay longer when there is a concrete role. The parent gives one small job such as holding a picture, putting one card on the board, or carrying the song prop. The job provides a reason to be near the group without requiring passive sitting.
Materials
MY JOB card; one lightweight group material.
Set up
Choose a job the child can already do. Practice it one-on-one before the group begins.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MY JOB. Say, “Your job is to hold this picture until I say ‘put it here.’”
We Want
Child holds or carries the item near the group.
Parent: Say, “You have a group job.”
Child May
Child drops or plays with the item.
Parent: Reduce the job to carrying it only a few seconds or placing it immediately.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Give the finish cue: “Put it here.” Point to the location.
We Want
Child completes the job.
Parent: Say, “Job finished.” Offer ALL DONE or another brief role.
Child May
Child refuses the final step.
Parent: Help together or end. Do not make the job a power struggle.
Reset / Repeat
One round = receive job → stay briefly → finish job. Do 1 round.
Behavior 23: Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group Participation
Activity 5
FIRST–THEN Short Group Practice
The parent pairs a very small group expectation with a predictable next activity. FIRST might be one page of a book or one song verse; THEN is a preferred home activity. The first step must remain small enough to be successful.
Materials
FIRST–THEN card; group material; preferred next activity.
Set up
Choose a group step that lasts about 15–30 seconds and have THEN ready.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show FIRST–THEN. Say, “First one page with the group, then blocks.”
We Want
Child stays near the group through the one small step.
Parent: Immediately say, “First is done. Now blocks.”
Child May
Child leaves before the step is complete.
Parent: Make FIRST smaller next time, such as 5 seconds or one action. Do not physically return the child.
2
Step 2 — Parent: On a later successful practice, increase only a tiny amount.
We Want
Child tolerates a slightly longer group step over time.
Parent: Keep THEN immediate and trustworthy.
Child May
Child shows more distress after increasing.
Parent: Return to the previous successful duration.
Reset / Repeat
One round = FIRST tiny group step → THEN immediately. Practice once per day.
Behavior 23: Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group Participation
Activity 6
BREAK From Group, Then Return for One Turn
Some children can participate better when they know they may take a short supervised break. The child practices asking BREAK, moving to a nearby calm spot, and returning for one small group action. The break is not a punishment.
Materials
BREAK card; GROUP SPOT card; ONE GROUP TURN card; nearby supervised break spot.
Set up
Practice outside a real group first so the child knows the sequence.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show BREAK. Say, “If group feels too much, show BREAK.” When child shows it, walk together to the break spot.
We Want
Child uses BREAK before leaving abruptly.
Parent: Say, “You asked for a break.” Pause briefly.
Child May
Child simply walks away.
Parent: Treat it as information, keep the child supervised, and show BREAK once: “Next time you can show this.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: After a short pause, show ONE GROUP TURN and say, “One turn, then all done.” Return together.
We Want
Child returns for one small action.
Parent: Say, “You took a break and came back for one turn.”
Child May
Child is not ready to return.
Parent: Do not force it. Try return practice later when calm.
Reset / Repeat
One round = BREAK → short pause → return for one turn if ready. Do 1 round.
Behavior 23: Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group Participation
Activity 7
Two-Child Mini Group
Before expecting participation in a larger circle, the child practices with only one parent and one familiar peer. Each child gets a clear turn. This reduces waiting, noise, and unpredictability while still introducing group participation.
Materials
GROUP SPOT card; ball or simple turn-taking prop; two floor spots.
Set up
Invite one familiar peer who is comfortable participating. Keep the activity under 2 minutes.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show both spots. Say, “We each get one turn.” Give the peer one simple turn first while the target child watches.
We Want
Child stays near the mini group while another person takes a turn.
Parent: Say, “You waited near the group.”
Child May
Child moves away.
Parent: Do not require return. Shorten the peer turn next time or practice one-on-one again.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Give the child one simple turn, then end.
We Want
Child completes or attempts the turn.
Parent: Say, “You did your group turn.” End while successful.
Child May
Child refuses the turn.
Parent: Accept watching as the current step. Do not make the peer wait through repeated prompting.
Reset / Repeat
One round = peer turn → child turn → finish. One round is enough.
Behavior 23: Difficulty Staying With the Group / Short Group Participation
Activity 8
Real Group Routine – One Participation Goal
Choose one group routine and one measurable goal only, such as staying at the edge for 30 seconds, doing one song motion, holding one prop, or completing one turn. The child does not need to sit still or make eye contact. The goal should reflect participation, not compliance.
Materials
ONE chosen card; tracking sheet; real group materials.
Set up
Pick one predictable group time and one small goal. Practice the exact goal one-on-one first.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before group, show the card and rehearse the goal once.
We Want
Child attempts the small goal.
Parent: Say, “That is your group plan.”
Child May
Child refuses rehearsal.
Parent: Model once and begin the routine with lower expectations.
2
Step 2 — Parent: During group, cue the goal once and support as little as needed.
We Want
Child completes some or all of the chosen participation goal.
Parent: Acknowledge the concrete success and record 0–3 afterward.
Child May
Child becomes overwhelmed or leaves.
Parent: Allow safe exit/support. Record what was manageable and reduce the goal next time.
Reset / Repeat
The real group is one daily practice. Keep one goal until it becomes easier.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes the explanation and a short parent help tip on the card itself. The card word is only a reminder; the parent should still say and model the exact action.Pause and ask/check with the parent before climbing, jumping, or using equipment.
Parent help: Give a clear yes/no and point to the approved option.
The child practices checking with the parent before climbing onto a structure. The parent uses a low, approved piece of equipment and gives a clear yes/no answer. The goal is to replace impulsive climbing with a quick safety check.
Materials
CHECK FIRST card; low approved climbing structure or step; floor marker.
Set up
Use only equipment already approved for the child’s age and setting. PARENT stands close enough to supervise safely.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Stand at the marker before the climber. Show CHECK FIRST and say, “Before climbing, check first.”
We Want
Child pauses near the marker and waits for the parent’s answer.
Parent: Say, “Yes, this climber is for climbing,” or “No, not this one.”
Child May
Child climbs immediately.
Parent: Use proximity to prevent unsafe access and say, “Check first.” Return to the marker; shorten the pause.
2
Step 2 — Parent: If the answer is yes, say, “Climb here,” and supervise one simple climb.
We Want
Child uses the approved equipment rather than another object.
Parent: Say, “You checked, then climbed in the safe place.”
Child May
Child tries to climb furniture instead.
Parent: Block access and redirect to the approved climber. Do not use furniture as practice equipment.
Reset / Repeat
One round = CHECK FIRST → parent answers → approved climb or alternative. Do 2 rounds.
The child gets a clearly marked place where jumping is allowed. This teaches that jumping itself is not “bad”; it needs the right location and surface. The parent contrasts one safe jump spot with a no-jump area without asking the child to jump from height.
Materials
JUMP HERE card; flat floor mat or floor marker; soft landing surface if program already uses one.
Set up
Place the marker on the floor. No elevated jumping is used in this teaching activity.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show JUMP HERE and say, “Feet can jump on this spot.” Model one small two-foot floor jump.
We Want
Child jumps or steps on the marked spot.
Parent: Say, “This is a jumping place.”
Child May
Child jumps toward furniture or another person.
Parent: Move the child’s practice area away from people/furniture and point to the marked spot: “Jump here.”
The child practices moving near tempting furniture without climbing it. The parent gives the feet a concrete job: stay on the floor while walking around or beside the furniture. This is practiced with low-risk furniture and close supervision.
Materials
FEET ON FLOOR card; sturdy table/chair area; floor path markers.
Set up
Choose an area that does not require the child to climb for access. Keep chairs positioned safely.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show FEET ON FLOOR. Say, “Walk around the table with feet on the floor.” Walk beside the child.
We Want
Child moves around the furniture without climbing onto it.
Parent: Say, “Your feet stayed on the floor here.”
Child May
Child starts to climb.
Parent: Calmly block the climb and say, “Furniture is not the climber. Feet on floor.” Redirect to approved climbing later.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Finish at a floor marker and give a small movement choice, such as JUMP HERE or WALK WITH ME.
We Want
Child transitions from the furniture area to an approved movement action.
Parent: Say, “You found a safe place to move.”
Child May
Child returns repeatedly to climb furniture.
Parent: End practice and modify the environment; the setup is too tempting right now.
Reset / Repeat
One round = move near furniture → feet stay on floor → approved movement choice. Do 1–2 rounds.
Unsafe climbing sometimes happens because the child wants an item that is too high. The child practices asking HELP instead of climbing furniture or shelves. The parent responds quickly so HELP becomes the effective solution.
Materials
HELP card; desired toy placed visibly but safely out of reach; stable home setup.
Set up
Place the item where the child can see it but cannot access it by climbing. Never create a setup where falling is possible.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Point out the toy. Say, “If it is too high, ask HELP.” Show HELP.
We Want
Child says/points HELP without climbing.
Parent: Say, “Yes. I can get it.” Retrieve the item and give it to the child.
Child May
Child begins climbing.
Parent: Block access to the furniture and say, “Feet on floor. Show HELP.” Prompt once, then retrieve the item.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Repeat later with another item in a different safe location.
We Want
Child begins using HELP sooner.
Parent: Respond immediately again.
Child May
Child does not want the item anymore.
Parent: End the round. Do not require asking if the motivation is gone.
Reset / Repeat
One round = item is high → HELP → parent retrieves. Do 2 rounds.
If the child seeks crashing or heavy body contact, the parent provides a designated soft target instead of people, walls, shelves, or hard furniture. The child practices moving toward the safe target and stopping afterward.
Materials
CRASH PAD card; approved gym mat or large soft cushion used by the program; clear floor space.
Set up
Use only a stable, age-appropriate soft surface in a supervised area. Keep other children out of the path.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show CRASH PAD. Say, “Strong body goes to the pad, not people.” Point to the pad.
We Want
Child moves toward and contacts the pad safely.
Parent: Say, “You used the safe crash place.”
Child May
Child crashes into parent, peer, wall, or furniture.
Parent: Protect people first and increase distance. Point to the pad: “Crash goes here.” End if the child cannot redirect safely.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After one crash, show STOP and say, “Stop body. Check how you feel.”
We Want
Child pauses or gets off the pad with support.
Parent: Say, “Crash finished.”
Child May
Child becomes more activated with repeated crashing.
Parent: Do not keep repeating. Switch to a slower heavy-work activity or end the practice.
Reset / Repeat
One round = move to pad → one safe crash → STOP. Do 1–3 rounds depending on regulation.
The child practices stopping after a very short burst of safe movement. This builds the motor-control skill needed when parents say STOP on the playground. The practice occurs in a clear area, not near hazards.
Materials
STOP card; two floor markers; clear open space.
Set up
Use a safe indoor gross-motor area or playground zone away from equipment edges and other children.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Move from this spot to that spot.” Let the child walk quickly or jog if the area allows.
We Want
Child moves between the two safe points.
Parent: When the child is almost at the second spot, show STOP and say, “STOP.”
Child May
Child runs past the spot.
Parent: Do not chase as a game. Make the path shorter and use a larger visual endpoint.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When the child stops, count one second, then say, “Go again.”
We Want
Child experiences stop-and-go control.
Parent: Say, “Your body stopped when it was safe.”
Child May
Child becomes too excited to stop.
Parent: Switch to WALK WITH ME or another slower activity. Practice STOP at lower intensity.
Reset / Repeat
One round = move → STOP → brief pause. Do 2–3 rounds.
The child uses both hands against a wall for strong muscle input. This can be a safer alternative when the child seeks pressure by crashing into people or furniture. The activity is short and supervised.
Materials
PUSH WALL card; clear wall area.
Set up
Choose a clear wall with no sharp objects or displays at hand level. CHILD stands with feet on the floor.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show PUSH WALL. Say, “Hands on wall. Push for three counts.” Model palms flat.
We Want
Child pushes the wall with hands while feet remain stable.
Parent: Count 1–2–3 and say, “Strong work finished.”
Child May
Child pushes a person or movable furniture.
Parent: Move people away and redirect: “Wall is the pushing place.” Do not use unstable furniture.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Ask, “More or all done?” If more, repeat one short set.
We Want
Child chooses or tolerates the short set.
Parent: End while the child is still regulated.
Child May
Child becomes more excited or starts crashing.
Parent: Stop the wall-push activity and shift to a calmer support.
Reset / Repeat
One round = 3 wall pushes → stop → more/done. Do 1–2 rounds.
Choose one recurring risky behavior and one clear safety goal only, such as CHECK FIRST before climbing, JUMP HERE from ground level, PUSH WALL instead of crashing into people, or STOP at the bottom of the slide. The parent practices the goal before free play and stays close enough to intervene early.
Materials
ONE chosen card; tracking sheet; normal playground equipment.
Set up
Choose one approved area and one observable goal. Follow all center playground supervision rules.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before outdoor play, show the card and practice the action once in a low-risk way.
We Want
Child attempts the goal with support.
Parent: Say, “That is our playground safety plan.”
Child May
Child does not practice.
Parent: Model once and increase supervision during real play.
2
Step 2 — Parent: During play, cue the same card before the risky action begins.
We Want
Child uses the safe alternative or accepts redirection to the approved area.
Parent: Respond immediately and record 0–3 after play.
Behavior 25: Putting Toys or Other Materials in the Mouth
25
Impulse, Attention & Sensory Regulation
Putting Toys or Other Materials in the Mouth
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Each card includes the explanation and a short parent help tip on the card itself. The card word is only a reminder; the parent should still say and model the exact action.Toys, materials, and other objects stay out of the mouth. Food, drink, and the approved chew item are what the mouth is for.
Parent help: Say, “Toy is for hands,” and move the toy down before it reaches the mouth.
Behavior 25: Putting Toys or Other Materials in the Mouth
25Putting Toys or Other Materials in the MouthBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
MOUTH SAFE – Mouth or Hands?
The child learns the one rule the whole section rests on: food, drink, and the approved chew item go to the mouth; toys, materials, and household objects are for hands. The parent sorts real, clean objects with the child, keeping the words the same every time. Mouthing is typical under about age two; this section is for children past that stage.
Materials
MOUTH SAFE card; two or three clean toys larger than a fist; a cup or spoon; the approved chew item if the child has one.
Set up
Sit at a table with everything in the parent’s control. Nothing small enough to be a choking hazard is on the table.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Hold up one toy and MOUTH SAFE. Ask, “Mouth or hands?” Model, “Toy is for hands,” and use it with your hands.
We Want
Child says, points, or uses the toy with hands.
Parent: Say, “Yes. Toy stays out of the mouth.” Hand it over for a moment of hands-only play.
Child May
Child brings the toy toward the mouth.
Parent: Move it out of reach before it arrives and say, “Toy is for hands.” Do not scold; restart with the cup.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Hold up the cup or spoon (or the chew item). Ask the same question. Model, “Cup is for the mouth.”
We Want
Child sorts the two kinds with support.
Parent: Keep the exact words across days: “for hands” and “for the mouth.”
Child May
Child mouths many objects despite close support.
Parent: Keep choking and hygiene precautions in place, note the pattern, and raise it with the pediatrician.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one object → “mouth or hands?” → use it the right way. Do 3–4 objects.
Behavior 25: Putting Toys or Other Materials in the Mouth
Activity 2
CHEW HERE – Approved Item Only
For a child whose mouth genuinely needs to chew, the parent redirects to one approved, commercially made chew item. This is a safety alternative, never a punishment, and the parent never improvises chew items. Skip this activity if no approved item exists.
Materials
CHEW HERE card; child-specific chew item approved by the family; storage container.
Set up
Inspect the item for damage and clean it as directed. Use it only under supervision.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show CHEW HERE and the item. Say, “If your mouth needs to chew, this is the chew item.”
We Want
Child uses the approved item rather than a toy.
Parent: Say, “That one is made for chewing.” Supervise.
Child May
Child mouths another object.
Parent: Remove it and offer the item: “Chew here.” Keep the words brief.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After a short time, ask, “More or all done?” and store the item according to the child’s plan.
We Want
Child finishes or continues appropriately.
Parent: Follow the family’s plan for when the item is available.
Child May
Child bites pieces off, gags, or the item is damaged.
Parent: Stop immediately, remove the item, and replace it before it is used again.
Reset / Repeat
One round = mouth needs to chew → approved item → more or done. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 25: Putting Toys or Other Materials in the Mouth
Activity 3
HANDS BUSY With a Toy Job
Many children mouth a toy because their hands have nothing to do with it. The child practices giving the hands a job the moment a toy heads for the mouth: press it, stack it, roll it, or hold it with two hands. The job replaces the mouthing rather than just stopping it.
Materials
HANDS BUSY card; MOUTH SAFE card; three toys with an obvious hand job (stacking cups, a pop-up toy, a ball).
Set up
Sit on the floor face to face. One toy out at a time; the others stay behind the parent.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Give the child one toy. Show HANDS BUSY and say, “Hands have a job. Stack it.” Model the job once.
We Want
Child does the hand job, even briefly.
Parent: Say, “Busy hands. Toy stays out of the mouth.” Let the play continue.
Child May
Child lifts the toy toward the mouth.
Parent: Gently guide the toy back down to the job with your hand over the child’s: “Hands busy.” Point to the card. One prompt, then model again.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Swap in the second toy and say only, “Hands busy,” without modeling.
We Want
Child finds a hand job on their own.
Parent: Name what you saw: “You rolled it. Busy hands.”
Child May
Child mouths the toy as soon as it arrives.
Parent: Go back to hand-over-hand for that toy, and choose toys with a bigger, more obvious job next time.
Reset / Repeat
One round = new toy → hand job → brief play. Do 3 toys.
Behavior 25: Putting Toys or Other Materials in the Mouth
Activity 4
PUT DOWN, Then Take It Back
The child practices the quick fix for a toy that is already at the mouth: put it down on the table, then pick it up again with hands. The toy comes right back, so putting it down is not losing it. This gives the parent a calm, repeatable move for real moments.
Materials
PUT DOWN card; MOUTH SAFE card; one favorite toy; a table or tray.
Set up
Child sits at the table with the toy. Parent sits beside, not across, so the hand cue is easy.
1
Step 1 — Parent: When the toy heads toward the mouth, show PUT DOWN and tap the table: “Put down.”
We Want
Child puts the toy on the table.
Parent: Immediately say, “Hands now,” and slide it back. The return is the reward.
Child May
Child holds on or turns away with the toy.
Parent: Hold the table spot and wait five seconds, repeat “Put down” once, then guide the hand gently. Return the toy the moment it touches the table.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Practice the same move two more times during play, before the toy reaches the mouth if you can catch it.
We Want
Child puts down on the word alone, faster each time.
Parent: Say, “Fast put-down. Toy is back.”
Child May
Child gets upset each time the toy leaves the hands.
Parent: Shorten the gap to nearly zero: put down and pick up in one motion together. Stop before frustration builds.
Reset / Repeat
One round = toy toward mouth → PUT DOWN → toy comes back. Do 3 rounds.
Behavior 25: Putting Toys or Other Materials in the Mouth
Activity 5
TRADE for the Mouth-Safe Item
Instead of taking a mouthed toy away, the parent offers a trade: the toy for something the mouth is allowed to have. The child practices handing over one thing to receive another, the same TRADE used with other children in Behavior 16.
Materials
TRADE card; MOUTH SAFE card; a toy the child tends to mouth; a cup of water, or the approved chew item if the child has one.
Set up
Cup or chew item within the parent’s reach but out of sight. Use this at a time of day the child is likely to mouth, such as before a snack.
1
Step 1 — Parent: When the toy goes to the mouth, show TRADE and hold out the cup: “Trade. Cup is for the mouth.” Open your other hand for the toy.
We Want
Child gives the toy and takes the cup.
Parent: Say, “Good trade. Mouth safe.” Let the child drink, then return the toy for hands.
Child May
Child wants both.
Parent: Keep the cup just out of reach until the toy is in your hand: “Toy first, then cup.” Do not pull the toy.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Repeat later with the trade offered before the toy reaches the mouth, at the first lift.
We Want
Child trades earlier, or hands over on the word alone.
Parent: Name it: “You traded before the mouth.”
Child May
Child refuses the trade and keeps mouthing.
Parent: Use PUT DOWN from Activity 4 instead, and offer the drink at the next natural moment.
Reset / Repeat
One round = toy at mouth → TRADE → drink or chew → toy returns. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 25: Putting Toys or Other Materials in the Mouth
Activity 6
Mouth Job First – Sip, Crunch, Blow
A mouth that gets its own work first is less likely to look for it in a toy. Before a play or materials time, the parent gives the mouth a short job: sip water through a straw, crunch an approved snack, or blow a feather or bubbles. This meets the need, then the play starts with MOUTH SAFE.
Materials
MOUTH SAFE card; cup with a straw; a crunchy snack allowed by the family, or bubbles or a feather; then the play materials.
Set up
Do the mouth job at the table before the play materials come out. Keep it to two or three minutes.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Mouth job first.” Offer the straw or the blowing game. Take a turn yourself.
We Want
Child sips, crunches, or blows for a short stretch.
Parent: Say, “Mouth did its job.” Then bring out the materials and show MOUTH SAFE.
Child May
Child refuses the mouth job.
Parent: Do not force it. Offer the choice again tomorrow; start the play with HANDS BUSY instead.
2
Step 2 — Parent: During the play, keep the water within reach and cue “Sip” the first time a toy heads for the mouth.
We Want
Child takes a sip and returns to hands-only play.
Parent: Say, “Water for the mouth, toy for hands.”
Child May
Child mouths as much as usual despite the mouth job.
Parent: Try a different mouth job next time (crunch instead of sip). If nothing helps across a week, mention it to the pediatrician.
Reset / Repeat
One round = mouth job → MOUTH SAFE → play with water nearby. Do this before one play time a day.
Behavior 25: Putting Toys or Other Materials in the Mouth
Activity 7
Open and Show – HELP for Something in the Mouth
The safety skill. If something is already in the mouth, the child learns to stop, open, and show the parent instead of swallowing, hiding it, or running. The parent practices with a large, safe object so the real moment is familiar and calm. This is practiced sitting still, never while walking.
Materials
HELP card; MOUTH SAFE card; one large, clean, soft object that cannot be swallowed (a large fabric block); a puppet.
Set up
Sit face to face. The parent demonstrates with the puppet first so the child is not asked to put anything in the mouth.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Put the block at the puppet’s mouth. Say, “Uh-oh. Open and show. HELP.” Have the puppet open wide and take the block out.
We Want
Child watches and may say “help” or open their own mouth.
Parent: Say, “Open and show. Then the grown-up helps.”
Child May
Child laughs and wants to be the puppet.
Parent: Fine. Let the child hold the block near their own lips, then say the words together.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Practice the real routine once: child touches the block to their lips, parent says, “Open and show,” child opens, parent takes it.
We Want
Child opens the mouth and lets the parent take the object.
Parent: Say, “You showed me. Safe.” No lecture, no big reaction.
Child May
Child clamps down or turns away.
Parent: Never pry. Go back to the puppet for more rounds. In a real emergency, follow first-aid steps, not this activity.
Reset / Repeat
One round = object at mouth → “open and show” → parent takes it. Do 2 puppet rounds and 1 child round.
Behavior 25: Putting Toys or Other Materials in the Mouth
Activity 8
Real Routine – One Mouth-Safe Goal
Choose one routine where mouthing is a problem (play time, art, story time, or a ride at home) and one alternative only: HANDS BUSY, PUT DOWN, TRADE, CHEW HERE if approved, or a mouth job first. The parent cues the alternative before the mouthing gets going and tracks the routine.
Materials
ONE chosen card; the matching item (water cup, chew item, or a busy-hands toy); tracking sheet.
Set up
Pick a routine the child already tolerates and an alternative that has worked in practice. Clear small parts from the area first.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show MOUTH SAFE and the chosen card. Practice the alternative once.
We Want
Child uses or accepts the alternative with support.
Parent: Say, “That is your mouth-safe plan.” Start the routine.
Child May
Child does not practice.
Parent: Model once and keep the item within reach during the routine.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first lift toward the mouth, cue the same card once. Record the 0–3 rating after the routine.
We Want
Child shifts to the alternative or accepts help.
Parent: Keep the same goal for a week before changing anything.
Child May
Mouthing is constant across the day, or the child swallows or eats non-food items.
Parent: Keep choking precautions in place and talk with the pediatrician; these activities support that conversation, they do not replace it.
Reset / Repeat
The routine is one daily practice. Move to a second routine only after the first is reliable.
Behavior 26: Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/Caregiver
26
Security, Communication & Flexibility
Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/Caregiver
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
A short helper action after goodbye gives the child a concrete connection to school. The job should take only a few seconds and should not become another demand.
Behavior 26: Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/Caregiver
26Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/CaregiverBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
Practice a Short, Predictable Goodbye
This activity gives the child a simple goodbye sequence that always happens in the same order. The parent practices the sequence with a puppet or doll first so the child can learn it without the pressure of an actual drop-off. The goal is not to stop all crying. The goal is for the child to learn what happens next: goodbye, parent helps, family comes back later.
Materials
GOODBYE card; PARENT HELPS card; FAMILY COMES BACK card; puppet or doll.
Set up
Sit with the child when calm. Use the puppet as the “child.” Put the three cards in a row: GOODBYE → PARENT HELPS → FAMILY COMES BACK.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Point to GOODBYE. Say, “Grown-up says goodbye.” Make the puppet wave once.
We Want
Child watches, points, waves, or simply stays with the activity.
Parent: Say, “Yes. Goodbye is short.” Move to PARENT HELPS.
Child May
Child says no, turns away, or becomes mildly upset.
Parent: Do not force waving. Say, “You do not have to wave. Goodbye still happens, and parent helps.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Point to PARENT HELPS, then FAMILY COMES BACK. Say, “Parent helps you play. Family comes back after school.”
We Want
Child accepts the sequence, points to a card, or repeats part of it.
Parent: Say, “That is the plan.” End with a preferred calm activity.
Child May
Child asks, “When?” repeatedly or becomes more upset.
Parent: Do not promise an exact minute unless the family has a reliable routine. Use a simple event: “After snack and play, your grown-up comes back.”
Reset / Repeat
One round = GOODBYE → PARENT HELPS → FAMILY COMES BACK. Do 1–2 calm practice rounds.
Behavior 26: Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/Caregiver
Activity 2
First-Then Arrival Practice
The child practices one small arrival step followed immediately by something familiar or enjoyable. The first step is intentionally tiny so the child can succeed. This teaches that entering school does not mean losing all comfort; it means doing one small school action and then moving to a known activity.
Materials
FIRST–THEN card; backpack or household item; preferred arrival activity.
Set up
Choose one tiny arrival task, such as putting the backpack on a hook. Put the preferred activity ready and visible.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show FIRST–THEN. Say, “First backpack on hook. Then blocks.” Walk with the child to the hook.
We Want
Child completes the one arrival step with support.
Parent: Say, “First is done. Now blocks.” Move immediately to the preferred activity.
Child May
Child clings, cries, or will not approach the hook.
Parent: Reduce the step. Say, “First touch the hook, then blocks.” Help only as much as needed; do not pull the child away from a caregiver.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the preferred activity, stay nearby for a short predictable check-in.
We Want
Child begins or watches the activity while the parent remains available.
Parent: Say, “You came in. I am here.”
Child May
Child keeps asking for caregiver and cannot engage.
Parent: Acknowledge once: “You miss your grown-up.” Offer a COMFORT CHOICE or sit nearby without demanding play.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one tiny arrival step → preferred activity. Use the same first step for several days before increasing it.
Behavior 26: Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/Caregiver
Activity 3
Choose a Comfort Support
Some children separate more successfully when they know exactly how the parent will help their body feel safe. The child chooses one acceptable comfort option before drop-off or during a calm practice: sit beside parent, hold a comfort object, look at a family photo, or start a familiar activity. Choice gives the child some control without changing the fact that the caregiver is leaving.
Materials
COMFORT CHOICE card; two approved comfort options such as family photo, soft toy, chair beside parent, or favorite book.
Set up
Offer only two choices. Make sure both are available and allowed by the program.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show COMFORT CHOICE. Say, “When goodbye feels hard, choose one: photo or book.”
We Want
Child points to, names, or reaches for one option.
Parent: Say, “You chose the book. I will stay near you.” Give the chosen support.
Child May
Child wants both or cannot choose.
Parent: That is okay. Choose the simpler support for now: “I will hold the photo here while we read.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: After 30–60 seconds, say, “I am going to sit right here while you keep your comfort choice.”
We Want
Child tolerates the parent staying nearby without needing constant physical contact.
Parent: Keep the promise and stay where stated.
Child May
Child becomes more distressed when parent shifts position.
Parent: Return to the closer position. The ZPD step was too large. Try a smaller distance another day.
Reset / Repeat
One round = choose one comfort support → parent stays predictably nearby. Practice briefly.
Behavior 26: Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/Caregiver
Activity 4
Goodbye at the Same Place
A consistent goodbye location can make arrival more predictable. The child practices walking to one designated spot, hearing one brief goodbye phrase, and moving with the parent to the first activity. The parent does not ask the caregiver to sneak away; the child sees that goodbye happens openly and predictably.
Materials
GOODBYE card; floor marker near the doorway; FIRST–THEN card.
Set up
Choose a safe arrival spot that does not block traffic. Decide on one brief family goodbye phrase, such as “I love you. I will come back after school.”
1
Step 1 — Parent: During practice, walk with the child to the marker. Show GOODBYE and say the same short phrase the family will use.
We Want
Child stands at the spot and hears the goodbye, even if upset.
Parent: Say, “Goodbye happens here. Parent stays with you.”
Child May
Child tries to follow the caregiver out.
Parent: Parent moves close to maintain safety and redirects toward the room. Do not turn the exit into a chase or extend the goodbye repeatedly.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show FIRST–THEN. Say, “First goodbye, then your arrival activity.” Walk to the activity.
We Want
Child moves with parent or accepts parent guidance toward the activity.
Parent: Say, “You moved after goodbye.”
Child May
Child cannot move and is crying intensely.
Parent: Stay close, reduce language, and offer the comfort support. The goal for that day may simply be remaining safely in the room.
Reset / Repeat
One round = arrive at goodbye spot → brief goodbye → move to first activity. Keep the routine the same.
Behavior 26: Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/Caregiver
Activity 5
Parent Connection Job
A simple helper job gives the child something concrete to do immediately after separation. The job creates a predictable connection with the parent without requiring hugs or constant holding. The child learns, “After goodbye, I have a job with my parent.”
Materials
PARENT HELPS card; MY JOB card; simple arrival job such as carrying attendance folder, placing name card, or feeding a paper “mailbox.”
Set up
Choose a 10–30 second job that the child can complete easily and safely.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MY JOB. Say, “After goodbye, your job is to put your name card here.” Model once.
We Want
Child completes or attempts the job.
Parent: Say, “You did your arrival job with me.”
Child May
Child refuses the job but stays near parent.
Parent: Accept staying near. Say, “You can watch today.” Do not make the helper job another battle.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the job, point to the next activity and say, “Job done. Now play.”
We Want
Child transitions from parent connection to an activity.
Parent: Give a brief positive check-in, then allow space.
Child May
Child continues holding onto parent.
Parent: Stay nearby and use a short check-in plan rather than abruptly walking away.
Reset / Repeat
One round = goodbye → one helper job → next activity. Use the same job for several days if helpful.
Behavior 26: Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/Caregiver
Activity 6
Parent Check-In After Separation
Some children remain anxious because they do not know when the parent will come back to them. The parent gives a very short, reliable check-in interval. The child practices being near an activity while the parent moves a small distance away and then returns exactly as promised.
Behavior 26: Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/Caregiver
Activity 7
Family Photo: Look, Then Return to School
A family photo can acknowledge the child’s connection without making the child choose between family and school. The parent allows a brief look, names the feeling, then helps the child return attention to the next school activity. The photo is a bridge, not something the parent takes away as a consequence.
Materials
Family photo approved by family; FAMILY COMES BACK card; FIRST–THEN card.
Set up
Keep the photo in an accessible, safe place. Decide where it will be returned after the child looks at it.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “You miss your family. Let’s look at the photo together.” Allow a brief look.
We Want
Child looks, holds, points, or talks about the photo.
Parent: Acknowledge: “That is your family.”
Child May
Child becomes more upset while looking.
Parent: Stay calm and offer to put the photo nearby rather than forcing continued looking.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show FIRST–THEN. Say, “Photo can stay here. Now we do one school activity.”
We Want
Child returns the photo or leaves it in the agreed place and moves toward the activity.
Parent: Say, “Your family picture is here, and you are doing school.”
Child May
Child refuses to put the photo down.
Parent: If safe and program rules allow, let the child carry it temporarily. Reduce the goal to participating while holding the photo.
Reset / Repeat
One round = brief family connection → one school step. Use only if the photo is comforting.
Behavior 26: Significant Difficulty Separating From Parent/Caregiver
Activity 8
Real Arrival – One Separation Goal
The parent chooses one observable arrival goal and keeps it the same for several days. Examples are: child enters the room, completes one goodbye routine, or moves to one arrival activity with parent support. This follows the ZPD approach: one reachable step is practiced repeatedly before adding another.
Materials
ONE chosen arrival card; normal arrival materials; monthly tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose one goal that is smaller than the full separation routine. Tell the family the exact routine so adults use consistent language.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before arrival, prepare the card and first activity. When the child arrives, use the same short script.
We Want
Child attempts the one chosen goal, even if crying.
Parent: Acknowledge the specific success: “You came inside after goodbye.”
Child May
Child cannot complete the goal safely.
Parent: Reduce the goal for that day, such as standing inside the doorway with parent. Do not add multiple new demands.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the child settles enough to participate, record the 0–3 rating.
We Want
Parent tracks progress without expecting a perfect day every day.
Parent: Keep the same goal across several days.
Child May
Separation distress is severe, prolonged, worsening, or prevents most participation for weeks.
Parent: Partner with family and consider consultation with the child’s pediatrician or an early-childhood mental-health/developmental professional.
Reset / Repeat
The arrival is one daily practice. Track the same small goal until it becomes easier before choosing a new goal.
Behavior 27: Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult Attention
27
Security, Communication & Flexibility
Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult Attention
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Behavior 27: Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult Attention
27Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult AttentionBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
Parent Check-In: I Come Back
The child practices doing a very short activity while the preferred parent steps only a small distance away and then returns. This is not about withholding comfort. It teaches predictability: the parent can move away briefly and still come back. The first interval should be easy enough for the child to succeed.
Behavior 27: Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult Attention
Activity 2
HELP, Then TRY IT
The child learns that asking for help does not always mean the parent has to do the whole task. The parent helps with one small part, then invites the child to try one reachable step. This builds independence without taking support away abruptly.
Materials
HELP card; TRY IT card; simple task such as puzzle, zipper board, sorting, or opening a container.
Set up
Choose a task the child can partly do. Sit beside the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: When the child asks or reaches for parent help, show HELP and say, “I will help with one part.” Complete only one small part.
We Want
Child accepts brief help.
Parent: Say, “I helped this part.” Show TRY IT.
Child May
Child wants parent to complete everything.
Parent: Do not argue. Make the child’s step smaller: “You put in just one piece; I will help after.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show TRY IT. Say, “Now you try one.”
We Want
Child attempts one step independently.
Parent: Say, “You tried that part. I am still here.”
Child May
Child refuses to try but remains calm.
Parent: Model once and end. The next ZPD step may be simply touching or choosing the item.
Reset / Repeat
One round = child asks HELP → parent helps one part → child tries one small part. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 27: Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult Attention
Activity 3
My Job Without Parent Doing It
A predictable household job gives the child a concrete way to contribute independently while the parent stays nearby. The parent teaches the job first, then gradually reduces help. The child does not have to work alone in another area.
Materials
MY JOB card; one easy household job such as carrying napkins, placing books, or matching name cards.
Set up
Choose a job with 1–2 simple steps. Keep the parent within view.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MY JOB. Model the first step, then say, “Your turn to do one.”
We Want
Child completes one part of the job.
Parent: Say, “You did your job. I watched you do it.”
Child May
Child hands the item back to parent.
Parent: Say, “I can hold one; you carry one.” Split the job rather than taking it over.
2
Step 2 — Parent: On the next practice, reduce help slightly.
We Want
Child completes a little more with less parent assistance.
Parent: Acknowledge the independent part.
Child May
Child becomes distressed when help is reduced.
Parent: Return to the previous level of help. Reduce support more slowly.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent models → child does one job step → parent acknowledges. Keep the same job for several days.
Behavior 27: Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult Attention
Activity 4
Wait for Parent Attention – Very Short Wait
The child practices waiting briefly when the parent is “busy” with a pretend task. The wait begins at only one or two seconds. The parent then turns back and gives attention exactly as promised. This teaches that waiting does not mean losing the parent.
Materials
WAIT card; TIMER card optional; simple pretend parent task such as writing one mark on paper.
Set up
Sit close to the child. Do not practice during genuine distress or an urgent need.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “I hear you. Wait one second while I finish this mark.” Show WAIT and make one mark.
We Want
Child pauses briefly without escalating.
Parent: Immediately turn to child: “I am ready now. You waited.”
Child May
Child repeats the request or touches parent.
Parent: Acknowledge once: “I hear you.” Shorten the wait to almost zero, then respond.
2
Step 2 — Parent: On later rounds, increase by only 1–2 seconds if successful.
We Want
Child tolerates a slightly longer wait.
Parent: Keep the promise and respond at the end.
Child May
Child becomes more anxious as waiting grows.
Parent: Return to the shorter successful wait. The goal is predictability, not endurance.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent acknowledges → very short WAIT → parent returns attention. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 27: Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult Attention
Activity 5
Try an Activity While Parent Sits Nearby
The child practices engaging with an activity while the preferred parent is close but not actively directing every move. This teaches “parent is available” and “I can do something myself” at the same time.
Materials
TRY IT card; preferred independent activity; PARENT CHECK-IN card.
Set up
Parent sits within a comfortable distance. Choose an activity the child already knows.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Start one piece together. Show TRY IT and say, “You do the next one. I am sitting here.”
We Want
Child attempts one action without parent doing it.
Parent: Say, “You did that while I stayed nearby.”
Child May
Child immediately asks parent to do it.
Parent: Offer a smaller step: point to where the piece goes but let the child place it.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After one or two independent actions, offer a brief parent check-in.
We Want
Child continues or chooses to finish.
Parent: Keep the session short and successful.
Child May
Child loses interest.
Parent: End. Independence practice should not become forced task completion.
Reset / Repeat
One round = start together → child does 1–2 actions → brief check-in. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 27: Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult Attention
Activity 6
Practice With Another Familiar Parent
If the child depends on one specific parent, a second familiar adult can become part of the child’s support system gradually. The preferred parent stays present at first while the other parent does one pleasant, predictable action. The preferred parent then reduces involvement only when the child is ready.
Materials
ANOTHER PARENT card; familiar preferred activity; PARENT HELPS card.
Set up
Choose a second parent the child already knows. Preferred parent stays nearby. Do not use an unfamiliar substitute for the first practice.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Preferred parent says, “Ms. Ana will give you the puzzle piece. I am right here.” Second parent offers one piece.
We Want
Child accepts, looks at, or takes the piece from the second parent.
Parent: Both adults keep language calm. Preferred parent says, “Ms. Ana helped you.”
Child May
Child refuses the second parent.
Parent: Do not force contact. Second parent can place the item nearby while preferred parent remains the main support.
2
Step 2 — Parent: On later successful practices, preferred parent moves one step farther away while second parent completes one small interaction.
We Want
Child tolerates brief support from another adult.
Parent: Return preferred parent as promised.
Child May
Child becomes distressed as distance increases.
Parent: Move preferred parent closer again. Build trust more slowly.
Reset / Repeat
One round = second parent offers one positive interaction → preferred parent remains predictable. Practice over days, not all at once.
Behavior 27: Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult Attention
Activity 7
Parent Attention Choice: Help or Check-In Later
The child learns that not every request requires the parent to stay continuously. The parent offers two clear forms of support: help now with one specific problem, or a promised check-in after a short interval. This makes adult availability concrete.
Materials
HELP card; PARENT CHECK-IN card; TIMER optional.
Set up
Use during a calm home activity. Parent should be genuinely able to follow through on either option.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “Do you need HELP with this, or do you want me to CHECK IN after you try?” Show both cards.
We Want
Child chooses one option by word, point, or gesture.
Parent: Follow the chosen option exactly.
Child May
Child says “stay with me” and does not choose.
Parent: Acknowledge: “You want me close.” Choose HELP for one step, then introduce check-in later.
2
Step 2 — Parent: If CHECK-IN is chosen, set a very short interval and return when promised.
We Want
Child practices a small amount of independent engagement.
Parent: Say, “I came back like I said.”
Child May
Child calls repeatedly before the check-in.
Parent: Shorten the interval and keep reassuring language brief and consistent.
Reset / Repeat
One round = choose HELP or CHECK-IN → parent follows through. Use only when the child is calm enough to choose.
Behavior 27: Excessive Dependence on One Parent / Constant Adult Attention
Activity 8
Real Routine – One Independence Goal
Choose one daily routine in which the child normally requires constant adult attention and teach one small independent action only. Examples: put one toy away without the parent holding the child’s hand, sit at the table while parent moves one step away, or complete one job before a check-in.
Materials
ONE chosen card; normal routine materials; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose a routine where the child already has some success. Set one observable goal.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, state the one goal and show the card.
We Want
Child attempts the small independent action.
Parent: Respond with a predictable check-in after the action.
Child May
Child cannot attempt without distress.
Parent: Make the goal smaller rather than withholding comfort.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Record the 0–3 rating after the routine.
We Want
Parent tracks whether support needs are gradually decreasing.
Parent: Keep the same goal for several days.
Child May
Dependence is severe across settings or linked with significant distress, regression, or inability to participate.
Parent: Discuss patterns with family and consider developmental or mental-health consultation as appropriate.
Reset / Repeat
One real routine = one daily practice. Increase independence only after the current step is comfortable.
Behavior 28: Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELP
28
Security, Communication & Flexibility
Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELP
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
exact action.The child communicates a desired object or activity. Speech is not required: pointing, picture use, sign, gesture, or words can all count.
Behavior 28: Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELP
28Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELPBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
I WANT – Point, Show, or Say
The child practices one functional way to communicate a desired item. Speech is not required. Pointing to a card, gesturing, using a picture, or saying a word are all acceptable. The parent responds quickly so the child experiences communication as more effective than screaming, grabbing, or hitting.
Materials
I WANT card; two preferred objects.
Set up
Place two objects where the child can see them but not automatically grab both. Sit at the child’s level without requiring eye contact.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Hold up the two choices. Show I WANT and say, “Show me what you want.”
We Want
Child points, reaches toward one object, uses the card, signs, or says the item.
Parent: Immediately label it: “You want the car.” Give the chosen item.
Child May
Child cries, grabs both, or cannot indicate a choice.
Parent: Reduce to one object and model: “Want car.” Help the child touch/point if tolerated, then give it.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After brief play, repeat with the other object available.
We Want
Child communicates again using any functional method.
Parent: Respond immediately again.
Child May
Child is no longer interested.
Parent: End. Communication practice needs real motivation, not forced requesting.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent offers choice → child communicates → parent responds. Do 2–3 short rounds.
Behavior 28: Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELP
Activity 2
HELP With a Small Problem
The parent creates a mild, solvable problem such as a toy in an easy container. The child practices asking HELP before frustration becomes intense. The parent opens or fixes the problem immediately after the request so HELP has a clear meaning.
Materials
HELP card; clear container that is difficult but safe; preferred toy inside.
Set up
Do not use a container that creates a choking or pinching hazard. Parent stays beside the child.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Let the child try for 2–3 seconds. Show HELP and say, “If it is hard, ask HELP.”
We Want
Child points to HELP, gives the card, gestures, or says help.
Parent: Say, “Yes, help.” Open the container immediately.
Child May
Child bangs, throws, cries, or pushes the container at parent.
Parent: Interpret the communication first: “You need help.” Model HELP once, then help right away.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Repeat with another easy problem if the child remains interested.
We Want
Child uses HELP earlier.
Parent: Acknowledge and help quickly.
Child May
Child refuses the card but hands the object to parent.
Parent: Accept that as functional communication and say, “You gave it to me for help.”
Reset / Repeat
One round = small problem → HELP → parent helps. Do 2 rounds.
Behavior 28: Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELP
Activity 3
STOP With a Puppet
A puppet comes slightly too close to a toy or play area so the child can practice STOP in a low-risk situation. The puppet stops immediately when the child communicates. This teaches that STOP is not just a word adults use; it is also a tool the child can use.
Materials
STOP card; puppet; toy.
Set up
Child holds or plays with the toy. Parent controls the puppet and stays several inches away.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Move puppet slowly closer. Say, “If Puppy is too close, show STOP.”
We Want
Child points to STOP, holds up a hand, says stop, or uses another clear refusal.
Behavior 28: Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELP
Activity 4
MY TURN Instead of Grabbing
The parent starts with a desired toy. The child practices asking for access using MY TURN, then waiting only a very short time before receiving it. The wait is intentionally small so the communication succeeds.
Materials
MY TURN card; WAIT card; preferred toy.
Set up
Parent holds the toy. Child has enough space that grabbing can be prevented calmly.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MY TURN. Say, “If you want it, show MY TURN.”
We Want
Child points, gestures, signs, or says my turn.
Parent: Say, “You asked.” Show WAIT.
Child May
Child grabs or reaches quickly.
Parent: Move toy close to parent’s body. Say, “You want it. Show MY TURN.” Prompt once.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show WAIT for 1–2 seconds, then give the toy.
We Want
Child pauses briefly and receives the toy.
Parent: Say, “Asking got you a turn.”
Child May
Child cannot wait safely.
Parent: Reduce the wait to almost zero. Build waiting later; communication is the first goal.
Reset / Repeat
One round = MY TURN → tiny WAIT → toy. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 28: Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELP
Activity 5
I FEEL + What I Need
The child practices connecting a feeling with a useful next action. The parent does not require the child to label emotions perfectly. The child may point to I FEEL and then choose HELP, BREAK, STOP, or SHOW ME. The goal is functional communication, not an emotion vocabulary test.
Materials
I FEEL card; HELP card; BREAK card; STOP card; SHOW OR POINT card.
Set up
Use after a pretend or mild frustration, not during a crisis. Offer only two need cards at a time.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show I FEEL. Say, “Your face/body looks upset. You can show me.”
We Want
Child points, gestures, or accepts the parent naming the feeling.
Parent: Say, “You can feel upset.” Then show two need choices.
Child May
Child rejects the feeling label.
Parent: Do not argue. Say, “Okay. Show me what you need.” Move directly to HELP/BREAK/STOP.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Offer two choices: “HELP or BREAK?”
We Want
Child chooses one need.
Parent: Make the choice work immediately.
Child May
Child cannot choose and remains frustrated.
Parent: Choose the most likely support based on context and model it: “I think you need HELP. I will help.”
Reset / Repeat
One round = notice feeling → communicate one need → parent responds. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 28: Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELP
Activity 6
SHOW OR POINT When Words Are Hard
This activity explicitly teaches the parent not to wait for spoken words when the child is frustrated. The child practices showing or pointing to an object, picture, or location. Any clear communication is accepted and then translated into simple language by the parent.
Materials
SHOW OR POINT card; three familiar household objects.
Set up
Place three objects within view. Child does not need to name them.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show SHOW OR POINT. Say, “You can show me. Which one?”
We Want
Child points, looks consistently toward one item, touches its picture, or gestures.
Parent: Say the message for the child: “You are showing me the ball.” Give/access the item if appropriate.
Child May
Child vocalizes or becomes frustrated without pointing.
Parent: Move choices closer or reduce to two. Say, “Show me this one or this one.”
2
Step 2 — Parent: Repeat with a simple location need: “Show me where you want to go.”
We Want
Child points or leads parent safely.
Parent: Say, “You showed me.”
Child May
Child pulls parent forcefully.
Parent: Keep everyone safe and interpret: “You want me to come. Show me where.” Walk together if appropriate.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent invites showing → child indicates → parent labels and responds. Do 2–3 rounds.
Behavior 28: Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELP
Activity 7
BREAK Before Frustration Gets Big
The child practices communicating BREAK when a task or social situation is becoming too hard. The break is brief, supervised, and predictable. This gives the child a way to reduce demand without needing a large behavior to escape.
Materials
BREAK card; nearby calm space; TIMER optional.
Set up
Choose a mild task the child can usually tolerate. Identify a supervised break location.
1
Step 1 — Parent: During the task, show BREAK and say, “If this feels too hard, you can ask for a break.”
We Want
Child points to or says BREAK before escalation.
Parent: Say, “Break.” Move together to the calm space.
Child May
Child pushes materials away, screams, or leaves abruptly.
Parent: Keep safety first. Interpret: “You need a break.” Prompt the card only after the child can attend.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After a short break, offer: “More or all done?”
We Want
Child returns or communicates all done.
Parent: Respect the safe communication when possible.
Child May
Child cannot return to the task.
Parent: End the teaching round. The goal was communication, not forced completion.
Reset / Repeat
One round = challenge begins → BREAK → brief supervised break → return or all done. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 28: Difficulty Communicating Wants, Feelings, STOP, or HELP
Activity 8
Real Routine – One Communication Goal
Choose one recurring situation that often leads to frustration and teach one communication action only. Examples: HELP during dressing, STOP during crowded play, MY TURN at a favorite toy, or BREAK during table work. Repeating one useful message follows the ZPD approach and makes the skill easier to remember.
Materials
ONE chosen communication card; normal routine materials; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose one routine and one message. Accept speech, sign, gesture, pointing, or picture use as long as the message is understandable.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, practice the one message once.
We Want
Child attempts the message in any functional form.
Parent: Say, “That is how you tell me.” Begin the routine.
Child May
Child does not imitate.
Parent: Model once and move on. Do not require speech as a prerequisite.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At the first sign of frustration, cue the same card once.
We Want
Child communicates before or instead of the problem behavior.
Parent: Respond immediately to the message and record the 0–3 rating.
Child May
Child’s communication is very limited across settings or frustration frequently becomes unsafe.
Parent: Share observations with family and consider speech-language/developmental evaluation as appropriate.
Reset / Repeat
The real routine is one daily practice. Keep the same communication goal until it is reliable.
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
29Extreme Difficulty With ChangesBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
Tiny CHANGE With Two Familiar Toys
The child practices one very small change while everything else stays familiar. For example, the parent moves one block to a different spot or swaps the order of two familiar objects. The change is intentionally minor so the child can learn that “different” can happen without the whole activity becoming unpredictable.
Materials
CHANGE card; two familiar toys; SAME + DIFFERENT card.
Set up
Use a calm one-on-one setting. Start with the toys arranged in the child’s usual or expected way.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show SAME + DIFFERENT. Say, “This is the same.” Let child look/play briefly.
We Want
Child engages with the familiar setup.
Parent: Acknowledge: “You know this setup.”
Child May
Child is already distressed by the activity.
Parent: Do not add a change. Choose a more familiar activity another time.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Show CHANGE. Move only one item a small amount. Say, “One thing changed. Everything else stayed the same.”
We Want
Child notices and tolerates the small change, even if mildly unhappy.
Parent: Say, “You handled one small change.” Restore or continue based on child comfort.
Child May
Child becomes very distressed or immediately restores the item.
Parent: Accept restoration. Make the next change even smaller, such as rotating the item rather than moving it.
Reset / Repeat
One round = familiar setup → one tiny change → acknowledge. Do 1–2 rounds.
The child sees that a plan can change while still staying understandable. The parent first shows a normal FIRST–THEN, then changes only the THEN activity to another familiar option. The child is told about the change before it happens.
Materials
FIRST–THEN card; NEW PLAN card; two familiar preferred activities.
Set up
Choose two activities the child already accepts. Do not use a disliked activity as the “new plan” during early practice.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show FIRST–THEN: “First puzzle, then cars.” Let child see the plan.
We Want
Child accepts or attends to the plan.
Parent: Say, “That is our plan.”
Child May
Child ignores the visual.
Parent: Keep language simple and continue. The visual is support, not a test.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Before puzzle ends, show NEW PLAN. Say, “New plan: first puzzle, then blocks.” Point to the new choice.
We Want
Child transitions to the changed but familiar activity with support.
Parent: Say, “The plan changed, and you did the new plan.”
Child May
Child becomes upset or insists on cars.
Parent: Acknowledge: “You wanted cars.” Offer a choice: blocks now or cars after a short next step, if feasible. Keep the change small.
Reset / Repeat
One round = show plan → announce one change → follow new plan. Practice only when the child is calm.
When a preferred item is unavailable, the child practices choosing between two acceptable alternatives. The parent does not offer too many choices. This turns an unexpected “no” into a concrete next step the child can control.
Materials
CHOOSE 1 card; preferred item intentionally unavailable for a harmless reason; two acceptable alternatives.
Set up
Use an item that is not essential for comfort, communication, food, or safety. Have both alternatives ready.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Say, “The red car is not available. You can choose blue car or train.” Show CHOOSE 1.
We Want
Child chooses one alternative by point, gesture, or word.
Parent: Give it immediately: “You chose the train.”
Child May
Child keeps demanding the unavailable item.
Parent: Repeat the limit once, then point to the two choices. Do not keep adding explanations.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Let the child use the alternative briefly.
We Want
Child engages even if still disappointed.
Parent: Say, “You found another choice.”
Child May
Child rejects both alternatives.
Parent: Accept “none.” Offer a short BREAK or another area rather than forcing a substitute.
Reset / Repeat
One round = preferred unavailable → two choices → child chooses or safely declines. Do 1–2 rounds.
The child gets a clear warning before an activity changes. The timer gives an outside signal, and ONE MORE TURN gives a concrete final action. This reduces surprise while still teaching that the activity does end.
Materials
TIMER card; ONE MORE TURN card; familiar preferred activity; short timer.
Set up
Practice with an activity that can stop easily. Set a short, predictable timer.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show TIMER. Say, “When the timer beeps, one more turn.”
We Want
Child continues activity while aware that a change is coming.
Parent: Keep language minimal until timer beeps.
Child May
Child becomes upset as soon as timer is shown.
Parent: Shorten the warning and pair with a very preferred next activity. The timer may be too strong a cue right now.
2
Step 2 — Parent: When it beeps, show ONE MORE TURN. Complete exactly one more turn, then say, “All done. New plan.”
We Want
Child completes final turn and transitions with support.
Parent: Say, “You knew the change was coming.”
Child May
Child tries to restart repeatedly.
Parent: Hold the boundary calmly and move to the planned next activity. Reduce the length of the final turn next time if needed.
Reset / Repeat
One round = timer warning → one more turn → transition. Use the same script across days.
The child practices flexibility by keeping the activity the same but changing only one material. For example, draw with a different crayon color or build with a different block shape. Because the basic activity stays the same, the child has a stable base while practicing a small difference.
Materials
SAME + DIFFERENT card; familiar activity with two similar materials.
Set up
Choose two materials the child already tolerates. Start with the usual one.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show SAME + DIFFERENT. Say, “Same game. Different color.” Put the alternate material beside the usual one.
We Want
Child looks at or touches the different material.
Parent: Say, “You noticed something different.”
Child May
Child removes or rejects the new material.
Parent: Allow it to stay nearby rather than forcing use. Exposure itself may be the first step.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Invite one tiny use: “One mark with blue, then your red.”
We Want
Child uses the new material once or lets parent demonstrate.
Parent: Immediately return access to the familiar material.
Child May
Child refuses the one use.
Parent: Accept refusal and model once. Try again another day with an even smaller difference.
Reset / Repeat
One round = same activity → one different material → return to familiar material. Do 1–2 rounds.
The child practices one routine with another familiar parent while the usual parent remains nearby. Only the adult changes; the routine, materials, and language stay the same. This isolates one change at a time.
Materials
CHANGE card; ANOTHER PARENT card; familiar routine materials.
Set up
Choose a second parent the child knows. Usual parent stays visible at first.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Usual parent says, “Same snack routine. Different parent helps today.” Show CHANGE.
We Want
Child remains in the routine while the second parent performs one small familiar step.
Parent: Usual parent says, “Same routine, different helper.”
Child May
Child refuses second parent or seeks only usual parent.
Parent: Do not force interaction. Second parent can observe or hand one item while usual parent continues.
2
Step 2 — Parent: On later practices, second parent does slightly more while usual parent stays nearby.
We Want
Child tolerates the small adult change.
Parent: Keep other parts of routine unchanged.
Child May
Child becomes more distressed as usual parent reduces help.
Parent: Return to previous support level and build more slowly.
Reset / Repeat
One round = same routine → one familiar adult changes → routine ends normally. Practice over several days.
The child learns that when a change feels difficult, HELP is an available response. The parent introduces one small change and immediately offers a support choice such as “help me move,” “show me first,” or “sit beside me.” This gives the child a constructive action during uncertainty.
Materials
CHANGE card; HELP card; one small familiar routine change.
Set up
Choose a low-stress change. Know in advance what kind of help you can offer.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show CHANGE. Say, “This is different today.” Then show HELP: “You can ask for help.”
We Want
Child communicates HELP or accepts offered support.
Parent: Say, “I will help with the change.” Provide the promised support.
Child May
Child becomes upset before using HELP.
Parent: Acknowledge: “Change feels hard.” Offer HELP directly; do not wait for perfect card use.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Complete only the small changed step together.
We Want
Child participates with support.
Parent: Say, “You got help with something different.”
Child May
Child cannot participate even with help.
Parent: Return to the familiar version if possible. The change was beyond the current ZPD step.
Reset / Repeat
One round = small change → HELP → complete changed step together. Do 1–2 rounds.
Choose one real routine where changes often trigger distress and introduce only one planned, manageable variation. Examples: sit in the next chair, use a different cup, have a familiar second parent lead one song, or reverse two harmless steps. The parent tracks the child’s response and does not stack multiple changes together.
Materials
CHANGE or NEW PLAN card; normal routine materials; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose one tiny change that is safe and not related to a critical comfort, medical, feeding, or toileting need. Prepare the child before it happens.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, show the card and name exactly what will be different.
We Want
Child hears/sees the change cue and attempts the routine.
Parent: Keep everything else as predictable as possible.
Child May
Child shows escalating distress before the change occurs.
Parent: Reduce or postpone the change. The goal is supported flexibility, not proving the child can tolerate distress.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the routine, record the 0–3 rating and note what helped.
We Want
Parent identifies whether the child is tolerating small changes more easily over time.
Parent: Keep the same type of small change until it becomes manageable.
Child May
Rigidity is severe across settings, includes major distress, or significantly limits daily functioning.
Parent: Discuss with family and consider developmental/behavioral evaluation as appropriate.
Reset / Repeat
One real routine = one planned small change. Do not introduce a new change until the current one is manageable.
Behavior 30: Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited Participation
30
Security, Communication & Flexibility
Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited Participation
Activity Cards
Print at 100% size and cut the cards apart. Laminate if desired. Use only the cards needed for the activity. The card words are short reminders — the parent should still say and model exactly what the child should do.
Behavior 30: Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited Participation
30Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited ParticipationBehavior Activities Guide
Activity 1
WATCH FIRST, Then Choose
The child is allowed to observe an activity before deciding whether to participate. Watching is treated as a valid first step, not as refusal. After a short observation, the parent offers one tiny participation choice, such as placing one block or rolling one ball.
Materials
WATCH FIRST card; CHOOSE 1 card; simple familiar activity.
Set up
Set up the activity with the parent or one calm peer. Give the child a nearby place to watch without being in the center.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show WATCH FIRST. Say, “You can watch first.” Begin the activity without calling repeated attention to the child.
We Want
Child watches from a comfortable distance.
Parent: Say only, “You can watch.” Let observation continue briefly.
Child May
Child looks away or moves farther away.
Parent: Do not pull the child closer. Keep the activity predictable and allow more distance.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After a short time, show CHOOSE 1: “Do you want to put one block, or keep watching?”
We Want
Child chooses one tiny action or chooses to keep watching.
Parent: Respect either choice. If child participates, acknowledge quietly.
Child May
Child freezes or becomes fearful when invited.
Parent: Remove the demand: “You can keep watching.” Try a smaller invitation another day.
Reset / Repeat
One round = WATCH FIRST → optional one small participation choice. Do 1 round; do not overpractice.
Behavior 30: Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited Participation
Activity 2
Join With the Parent as a Bridge
The parent joins a simple activity first, then invites the child to participate beside the parent rather than directly with peers. The parent serves as a bridge to the group. Peer interaction can come later after the child feels safer.
Materials
JOIN IN card; SMALL GROUP card; simple shared material such as blocks or rolling ball.
Set up
Use one calm peer or a very small group. Parent stays physically close to the child without requiring touch.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Parent begins the activity and says, “You can do one with me.” Show JOIN IN.
We Want
Child participates with the parent while peers are nearby.
Parent: Say, “You joined me.” Keep peer demands low.
Child May
Child stays behind parent or does not participate.
Parent: Allow the child to remain beside parent and watch. Do not position peers closer without consent.
2
Step 2 — Parent: If comfortable, parent shifts one shared action toward the peer, such as rolling the ball across the circle.
We Want
Child remains present for one peer-linked action.
Parent: Acknowledge calmly and end before fatigue.
Child May
Child becomes more withdrawn or anxious.
Parent: Return to parent-only participation. Peer step was too large.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent-child activity → one optional peer-linked action. Keep it brief.
Behavior 30: Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited Participation
Activity 3
HELLO With a Puppet
A puppet allows the child to practice a social greeting without the intensity of direct peer interaction. The child can wave, nod, point, say hello, or simply look. Eye contact is not required. The puppet responds warmly and then moves away so the interaction stays short and predictable.
Materials
HELLO card; puppet.
Set up
Parent and child sit comfortably. Puppet starts several feet away or low in the parent’s lap.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Move puppet slightly into view and say, “Puppy says hello.” Show HELLO.
We Want
Child waves, nods, vocalizes, points, or stays calmly present.
Parent: Have puppet say, “Hello!” and then pause.
Child May
Child hides, turns away, or says no.
Parent: Have puppet move back. Say, “Puppy can give you space.” Respect the signal.
2
Step 2 — Parent: If child is comfortable, repeat once with the child choosing how puppet says hello: wave or small bow.
We Want
Child selects or accepts one greeting style.
Parent: Let puppet follow the child’s choice.
Child May
Child does not want another greeting.
Parent: End. One successful low-pressure interaction is enough.
Reset / Repeat
One round = puppet greets → child responds in any comfortable way → puppet respects space. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 30: Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited Participation
Activity 4
CAN I PLAY? With Parent Pretend Play
The child practices how someone can enter play using a simple phrase or card. The parent first pretends to be the child asking, so the child sees the whole sequence. Then the child can try with the parent. A peer is not required during early practice.
Materials
CAN I PLAY card; two simple play materials such as blocks or cars.
Set up
Parent plays with one material. Child watches nearby.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Parent models: point to CAN I PLAY and say, “Can I play?” Then answer self: “Yes, you can put one block here.”
We Want
Child watches the model.
Parent: Keep the demonstration short and concrete.
Child May
Child does not attend.
Parent: Move the card closer or model during a more interesting activity. Do not demand watching.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Give the card to child: “If you want to join me, you can show CAN I PLAY.”
We Want
Child shows/says the message or moves a material toward the play.
Parent: Say, “Yes. Put one here.” Give an immediate entry point.
Child May
Child joins without using the card.
Parent: Accept the successful joining and narrate: “You came to play with me.” The card is support, not a requirement.
Reset / Repeat
One round = parent models joining → child gets one optional joining opportunity. Do 1–2 rounds.
Behavior 30: Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited Participation
Activity 5
One Group Turn, Then Done
The child practices participating in only one turn of a group activity rather than being expected to stay for the entire circle or game. A very small participation target reduces fear and allows success to build gradually.
Materials
ONE TURN card; ALL DONE card; simple small-group game.
Set up
Use 2–3 children maximum at first. Seat/position child near an easy exit from the activity without blocking others.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show ONE TURN. Say, “You only need one turn. Then you may be all done.”
We Want
Child remains nearby until their turn or accepts the object when offered.
Parent: Keep waiting time very short.
Child May
Child wants to leave before the turn.
Parent: Allow leaving if needed. Next time arrange for the child’s turn to be first.
2
Step 2 — Parent: Give the child one easy turn, then show ALL DONE.
We Want
Child completes the turn and leaves or stays by choice.
Parent: Say, “You did one group turn.” Do not require more.
Child May
Child stays and wants another turn.
Parent: That is fine. Offer another only if the child is choosing it, not because the goal changed.
Reset / Repeat
One round = join for one turn → ALL DONE option. Practice once per group activity.
Behavior 30: Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited Participation
Activity 6
Choose a Small Group Role
A clear job can make social participation less ambiguous. Instead of “go play with the group,” the child gets one concrete role such as hand out two crayons, hold the picture, or place one block. The role provides a reason to be near others without requiring conversation.
Materials
MY ROLE card; SMALL GROUP card; simple helper materials.
Set up
Choose a 1–2 step role the child can do successfully. Use a small, calm group.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Show MY ROLE. Say, “Your job is to give one crayon to each friend.” Model one example.
We Want
Child completes part or all of the role.
Parent: Say, “You did your group job.”
Child May
Child does not approach peers.
Parent: Reduce the role: place crayons on a central table instead of handing them directly to peers.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the job, offer “Stay and watch, or all done?”
We Want
Child chooses to remain or leave.
Parent: Respect the choice.
Child May
Child appears overwhelmed.
Parent: End the role and move to a quieter activity. Participation should not require enduring high distress.
Reset / Repeat
One round = one clear role → choice to stay or finish. Do 1 round.
Behavior 30: Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited Participation
Activity 7
HELP or BREAK During Social Activity
The child learns that social situations do not have to be all-or-nothing. If the group feels too hard, the child can ask HELP or BREAK. The parent responds without framing the break as failure, then offers a later return when the child is ready.
Materials
HELP card; BREAK card; supervised nearby calm space.
Set up
Practice the cards before the social activity. Parent stays close enough to notice early fear or withdrawal.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before joining, say, “If you need me, show HELP. If you need space, show BREAK.”
We Want
Child attends to or touches one of the cards.
Parent: Say, “Both are okay choices.”
Child May
Child does not respond.
Parent: Model once and start only a very small social step.
2
Step 2 — Parent: At early signs of stress, show the two cards again.
We Want
Child chooses HELP or BREAK before shutting down completely.
Parent: Make the choice work immediately.
Child May
Child freezes or withdraws without choosing.
Parent: Interpret supportively: “I think you need space.” Move with the child to the calm area rather than insisting on a choice.
Reset / Repeat
One round = small social activity → HELP/BREAK available → parent responds. Do 1 round.
Behavior 30: Withdrawal, Isolation, Fearfulness, or Limited Participation
Activity 8
Real Routine – One Participation Goal
Choose one real daily routine and one small participation goal only. Examples: stand near circle for one song, take one turn in a game, greet one familiar parent, or play beside one peer for two minutes. The goal should stretch the child gently without overriding temperament or fear.
Materials
ONE chosen social card; normal routine materials; tracking sheet.
Set up
Choose a routine the child already tolerates somewhat. Avoid making eye contact, physical affection, or verbal speech the required goal unless the child already uses those comfortably.
1
Step 1 — Parent: Before the routine, state the one tiny goal and show the card.
We Want
Child attempts the participation step in their own communication style.
Parent: Acknowledge quietly and avoid excessive public praise if that increases discomfort.
Child May
Child cannot attempt the step.
Parent: Reduce the goal: watch from the edge, stay for less time, or participate with parent only.
2
Step 2 — Parent: After the routine, record the 0–3 rating and what helped.
We Want
Parent tracks gradual participation without comparing the child to more outgoing peers.
Parent: Keep the same goal across several opportunities.
Child May
Withdrawal/fearfulness is persistent, worsening, present across settings, or prevents most relationships/participation.
Parent: Partner with family and consider pediatric, developmental, or early-childhood mental-health consultation.
Reset / Repeat
The real routine is one daily practice. Move to a larger social step only after the current one feels manageable.
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